I'm not sure about it either... I've never liked metal, anyway but here are my thoughts.
The intro is too rigidly quantised to be atmospheric or chilling, metallophone is ok but the choiry sound isn't great, would sound better as a drone rather than ahs.
The alternate section without bass is a bit weak and uninteresting, might be better with some riser sounds or other tension building.
Just an idea, but play a xylophone melody over the top in the second drop?
Just my thoughts...