Not a bad attempt mate but not a fan of the pitch shifted vocals and it seems like the samples a bit off but not really sure. I'm sure someone more knowledgable will give a better view , keep up the work.
yeh man for a 1st attempt it isint bad.
couple of things tho,
get rid of the vocals chipmunks are not ftw lol
layer up your drums more, make them sound beefy. add in some extra kicks, snares etc etc.
add some extra bits into the intro, pads, effects. get me?