your 14 year old whore..

EWOKS

POTATOES GONNA POTATE
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#1
if you could give your 14 year old self advice, what would it be...

in no order..

1. " just because she wants it in the wrong-un, it doesnt mean you get off scott-free "

2. " fuck off that shitty well paid care job you waste nearly a decade of your life doing "

3. " save some of them banging domed Audi TT pills, the snowballs, and the number 1's in an airtight container for the future, coz pills dead out "

4. " lube container cans aren't dildo's ... they eject lube, the actual can isn't meant to be inserted "

5. " staying sat down to wipe yo ass hole... is far easier than the standing reach under blunder "
 

Forau

CONCUSSION RECS
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#4
Re: your 14 year old self ..

If I could give my 14 yr old self some advice:

- "Blazing is fun, but not when you do it all the time. Tell your mum straight up, so you don't have to hide it".
- "Don't buy a midi controller to test the water, just to straight to vinyl, you'll love it"
- "As Bob says, 'Don't gain the world and lose your soul. Wisdom is better than silver or gold.' Something I wish I knew and understood when I was younger."
 
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Gloxxy

I SNORT COAL
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#5
Re: your 14 year old self ..

- "Stop spanking it to you dad's jazz mags you found under the floor boards and get some studying done! You'll thank me in 10 years!"
- "Getting stoned at school is not big and its not clever!"
- "Gambling your lunch money on card games will lead to you being very hungry for the day."
 

logikz

I Am Not The King
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#6
Re: your 14 year old self ..

yeah exactly, listen to what the fuck everyone tells you (your mother in general) but specifically about drugs and alcohol, just take their word for it ok? you dont have to find out for yourself, billions of people have gone that route and they are all right, you wont find something else because you are "the one", even if there was such a thing as "the one", the chance of you being it, is less than non-existent, just take their word for it ok?

pay attention in school, they wont always grade you for your often spoken about potential, and pissing people off is only funny so long as youre chuck full of hormones, when you finally graduate into adulthood and your only skill youve picked up in all this time is pissing people off, you, will literally, be the wanker they always said you would become.
 

logikz

I Am Not The King
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#7
Re: your 14 year old self ..

ooooh and getting back with a girl is nowhere near as good and important and the only reason to live, otherwise you might as well lay down and die, as you think, in fact, going separate ways, as friends, at the first sight of breakup, is infinitely better.

so just let her go, and you wont have to get countless STIs by compensating for a broken heart and brain and chromosome damage from drinking your sorrows away.

i am almost healthy now, only got those virusy ones left, and ive drank so much i forgot what i was drinking for, which was the point, but i dont remember anything at all really, and i dont feel much of anything either. only greed and disgust. i wonder if this is hell
 
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#8
Re: your 14 year old self ..

If you could give your 14 year old self advice, what would it be...

- Everything will happen according to plan, carry on.
 

Teddy

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#9
Re: your 14 year old self ..

if i could go back and talk to my 14 year old self.
i doubt i'd have any advise for him... I'd probably be trying to calm the little fucker down.
He's just seen what he's gonna look like in 2015 and proceeded to scream like a lil bitch and crap his pants.
Then (if I've seen enough "back to the j fox movies") then 2015 me will have poo in his pants too.
 

logikz

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#13
Re: your 14 year old self ..

good point, stop that michael. youre telling people how to live their life, and that is none of your affair. as if your advice would be any damn good anyway, look at you, wait, dude dude duuuude

the guy next to me (im on the bus) had a withered arm, it looked like he had stuffed a piglet down his coat arm, and the worst part is that it had fking digits, but small deformed pig-ear flarpy bits that seemed to be able to grab on to stuff, and it ended just above a normal elbow. fking hell, whatever hes paying his tailor (i assume everyone has a tailor) its not enough. that was freaky. his family mustve shared bathwater
 

Dark Lizardro

The Lizard that has a hammer
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#15
Re: your 14 year old self ..

good point, stop that michael. youre telling people how to live their life, and that is none of your affair. as if your advice would be any damn good anyway, look at you, wait, dude dude duuuude

the guy next to me (im on the bus) had a withered arm, it looked like he had stuffed a piglet down his coat arm, and the worst part is that it had fking digits, but small deformed pig-ear flarpy bits that seemed to be able to grab on to stuff, and it ended just above a normal elbow. fking hell, whatever hes paying his tailor (i assume everyone has a tailor) its not enough. that was freaky. his family mustve shared bathwater
I don't need a tailor because I make my own clothes with palm tree leaves. It's easier to clean my bum as well as I just need to take one leaf off and make it so clean that it shines like the moon.
 

logikz

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#16
Re: your 14 year old self ..

nonsense, there is nothing about palm leaves that make for a good towel. stylish, yes, but certainly not adhesive. you might use a vine or hemp, but palm leaves? please.

ill rub poison ivy on your toilet paper. so that you may never get relief without serious concessions. i have to be the fair one, always and in all situations, or i get cross and start with the ivy.

you know what i always wondered, if i get my tailor to take a pair of trousers or a blazer in a little, so as to make it more figure hugging, which of course is all the rage right now, can they then take it out again later? or is it gone when its gone. cos i dont want to make my suits slim when some parts cost more than a small car and my mother would kill me if she saw it, without being able to undo it.

yeah baby, trend talk! manly!
 

elspectro29

Fat Business Man
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#17
Re: your 14 year old self ..

1. People will tell you what they think you want to hear instead of either what you actually want to hear or the truth.

2. Get into cars now, that way when you get into your mid-late 20s and discover dnb your car will be finished and you can devote your time and money into your new hobby.
 

logikz

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#18
Re: your 14 year old self ..

thats what youd tell your 14 yr old self. hurry up and get into cars? not watch out for loose women, drugs, guns and the dark corners of the earth?

actually thats what id tell my 14 yr old self, get your driving license asap cos youre going to be such a punk when youre 44 and still dont have it. so i guess you have a point.
 

Dagz

WE ARE THE MASTERS
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#20
I act better to music so id sit myself down and play these..

1. Bob Marley - No woman no cry
2. The Verve - The Drugs Don't Work
3. Tubthumping - I Get Knocked Down
4. Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy
5. Rocky theme
 
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