World Cup Rules For Wives & Partners

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Moskit, Apr 27, 2010.

  1. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend,

    1. From 11 June to 11 July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

    2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

    3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

    4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won’t happen.

    5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

    6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

    7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

    8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

    9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
    a) I will not go,
    b) I will not go, and
    c) I will not go.

    10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

    11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

    12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, FA Cup, etc.

    Thank you for your cooperation.
     
  2. ArguS

    ArguS Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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    Awesome.. I will be printing these off and sticking them to my fridge.. That way every time I demand a beer she can recap on them.. Good work Moskit
     
  3. groelle

    groelle Well-Known Member

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    haha nice one.

    good that my gf is much more of a football fan than i am. ;)
     
  4. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    I grew out of League Football when I was 17... Full of queers & cunts with no passion & inflated wages/egos these days.

    International Football on the other hand... Same cunts, but they're playing for pride & glory.
     
  5. theone

    theone Just say no to dubstep!

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    when have any england players (except for Rooney) shown any pride?
     
  6. rob_del_terror

    rob_del_terror - ̿ ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε

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    top banana that amos.
     
  7. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Look back in your history books young squire & thalt shall see... ;)
     
  8. luciduk

    luciduk Active Member

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    haha this is quality!! good bump
     
  9. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    not a word about football in there which you wouldve known had you ever read a history book you simpleton
     
  10. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Encyclopedias contain all manner of historical sporting data.

    Not that I was being literal, I was being facecious, as my historical knowledge of international football is equal to my knowledge of obscure black, gay, uncircumcised jews of the 1800's.
     
  11. richie_stix

    richie_stix gomby plz

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    football = ghey
     
  12. Gloxxy

    Gloxxy I SNORT COAL

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    richie = American
     
  13. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Fixed.
     
  14. ScottyEightSix

    ScottyEightSix HUGE EARS > COMEDY CHIN

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    Bumping own threads... Gheyer
     
  15. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Sorry, I forgot this was the internet...

    :bruce:
     
  16. dnbkingz

    dnbkingz bollocks

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    God bless you.
     
  17. losty

    losty losty2010

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    Nice rules haha