Women are looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooong.

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by MrChapman, Sep 9, 2012.

  1. MrChapman

    MrChapman Member

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    Yeah that basically.

    Mixed signals n ting, flirtatious looks then being stared at after you tell 'em your favourite Fresh tune is Signal or Pink Panther, text messages where you spell like a drunk foreign exchange student despite attempting to be suave and charming, finding out on the first date your punching above your weight, then consecutive dates lead to the knowledge that really your so far out of your depth your fancy new 1000m diving watch just started going backwards, no conversation starters 'cos your too busy thinking about what not to say, looking like a tit when you forget something important, her not being around for the next trip out (which you planned so is currently looking like KFC followed by a walk to the local owl sanctuary, as you can't take her for shots followed by a Shogun Audio night), realising your clothes make you like like a cross between the homeless and someone's uncle, sweating out through straight up fear whenever she's around, her having exciting and interesting places to visit and you realising you have the studio or your mates flat.

    Is all this really necessary? Surely not? Maybe if I buy a white shirt and some boat shoes with a gay little hat I could circumvent this bastard facade that I'm having to play at the moment. I feel like a dog in a show jumping through hoops on fire, only I cant jump very well and the next hoop is pretty fucking high .

    Yeah I know it's a bit dear diary but I needed to get that out. I'm off to clarks. Peace.
     
  2. Teddy

    Teddy 60% Staff Member

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    Sounds like you have some self esteem issues to work out.

    Be yourself, not some skinny chino topman fag and be confident about it.
    If she doesn't like it then fuck it ... drug her and everything else will fall into place.
     
  3. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    go muslim brother
     
  4. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    yeah i guess. you should be able to pull something off though seeing as you got her to come on dates with you. granted youre going to have to try it with someone else but youre not that far off the mark and you should be perfectly able to get a girl, if perhaps maybe not that particular girl. but one is really as good as the other, they are interchangeable you see, the trick is not to settle for any old uggo which can be a bit of a dead end, girls like a man whos got an attractive girlfriend you see. foul foul creatures that they are.
     
  5. MrChapman

    MrChapman Member

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    Nah confidence is fine mate. Hanging out with me is like being fucked by God. Even if it's raining. Just this one girl... she's impressive. Makes man feel like he's back in school nah' mean?
     
  6. Teddy

    Teddy 60% Staff Member

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    Lower ur standards
    A woman that fine can't cook bacon properly and is therefore shit.

    Sounds like u have it bad. Remove ur self before it has a chance to hurt u. From what u have said I think ur much more into her than she is u
     
  7. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    damn good advice teddy. its for the best mr chapman. revise your goals. tell me do you live in a small town?
     
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  8. MrChapman

    MrChapman Member

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    Hmm... I hadn't clearly assessed bacon cooking skills. This is a poor effort on my part, I will conduct a test next time I see her. If she doesn't pass I'll turn my back there and then. Walk off into the sunset.

    I live in a clusterfuck of towns that equals the size of Birmingham so plenty of people about, but I like challenges. I have a fool-hardy belief that I can do anything if I try hard enough and don't back down. Often this works. Except for flying. I've learnt I cant fly. Not even with giant wings made out of bits of wood and some cut up bedsheets. I was so sure it would as well....
     
  9. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    FLYING?! dude tell me about it! not a moment goes by when i dont regret the fact that i simply cannot fly by my own accord. and i have thought plenty about it. here ill prove it to you, when you fly, and ill assume you mean like superman, what part of you is doing the flying? why is the hair alone affected by gravity (you ever notice that? its only the hair thats flapping in the wind, why couldnt the hair be the propelling element?)? how strong is your pull, and why? ive concluded that its impossible. but i fly in my dreams all the time, as soon as i get lucid, thats the first thing i do. the closest we can get to flying is underwater, i recommend you do dry suit diving, its the closest i ever got.
     
  10. Sicx

    Sicx Well-Known Member

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    rape her
     
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  11. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    yeah. in her dads brother.
     
  12. MrChapman

    MrChapman Member

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    I'm going to steer clear of rape for at least a fortnight. I'm a gentleman.

    Maybe you would use your hair as a basic propeller? Or lash a hippie to a pottery spinning plate thing and see if you can turn them into a helicopter? If Hippie Dave hadn't selfishly shaved his dreads off I could have tested this this afternoon...
     
  13. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    does he live behind central? mainly in the bogs but has two tents under the bridge? if so youve been deceived my good man. thats not hippie dave. no sir. thats someone else entirely.
     
  14. MrChapman

    MrChapman Member

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    No it's not Piss Dave. They are possibly related though. Hippie Dave works in IT, loves psytrance and doesn't miss an opportunity to claim something is massively unfair and try to fight the establishment through the use of linking a news article on Facebook.
     
  15. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    ah so youve made sure of that, good. good. the other dave (piss dave) is a runaway train. never coming back, wrong way one a one-way track. also, fleetwood macs rumours is a good album. song 2 is just amazing. been digging that, watching anime and im on my 2nd bottle of wine. woke up at 12, got a girl coming over later. life is surprisingly awesome for someone so past his prime. oh and i have to record more black metal, my brother is on fire.
     
  16. Shatner's Bosom

    Shatner's Bosom murder TANMUSHIMUSHI

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    Just get a mail order Russian/Thai - thats my plan
     
  17. Kenneth4Eva

    Kenneth4Eva Let's Breed

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  18. RocksteadyUK

    RocksteadyUK SkimoBeats

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    What is this!? some kinda gilry girl shabby chique bullshit. what the fuck homo? 1000m diving watches dont exist!? or do they? I challenge someone to dive 1000m. That would be awesome. You could saay your a diver. wiminz love thatr shit.

    Now let me tell you how to get out of this my dear friend. Or more fittingly how to into this. Firstly man the fuck up homo. My speciality is women out of my league. I see them as an untapped oportunity. untapped... as 90% of chino wastegash have never experienced the power of a man out of his league. now let me tell you... ive been in women of leagues far superior and have come out on top like a boss. firstly... the fact shes even talking to you or texting you or even thinking about going on a date means your on to a winner and has already toyed with the idea of riding your man hood. This is fact. The only thing that can change this isnt what your into or what you do when shes not about.... its the lack of information and/or exagerating the facts. Bedroom DJ? well.... actually my good sir..... your a world touring badman. She wouldnt know anyway. Afterall shes too busy listening to the charts right? just say yeh.. i tour with Jason Status and rack lines in the city. Rack rack city bish rack rack city. Just like that. say that. its good. will make her laugh. you know how to that right? make them laugh. its easy. in fact. dont even talk about yourself. no need. most women just like to talk abotu themselves. only after sex are they interested in your history. by that time youve laid the smackdown and your a winner. also... sex... you need to get all dirtbag and shit. women of calibre like to be treated like fuck animals. you that right?.

    anyway. fuck you.. wheres this bish. show me pics. how do i contact her. let me have a go. ill win it for you and tell her how boss you are. i go all rick ross and mash her up like ninja man. yes me cocky long like snake sweep up a gal like rake. yeh... thats a ninja man lyric. if you dont know it... you should... he's the man when it comes to romancing.
     
  19. Kenneth4Eva

    Kenneth4Eva Let's Breed

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    ten minutes till the pub. yas
     
  20. Kenneth4Eva

    Kenneth4Eva Let's Breed

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    canny get a girlfriend. boohoo. man up eh