Women are looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooong.

Yeah that basically.

Mixed signals n ting, flirtatious looks then being stared at after you tell 'em your favourite Fresh tune is Signal or Pink Panther, text messages where you spell like a drunk foreign exchange student despite attempting to be suave and charming, finding out on the first date your punching above your weight, then consecutive dates lead to the knowledge that really your so far out of your depth your fancy new 1000m diving watch just started going backwards, no conversation starters 'cos your too busy thinking about what not to say, looking like a tit when you forget something important, her not being around for the next trip out (which you planned so is currently looking like KFC followed by a walk to the local owl sanctuary, as you can't take her for shots followed by a Shogun Audio night), realising your clothes make you like like a cross between the homeless and someone's uncle, sweating out through straight up fear whenever she's around, her having exciting and interesting places to visit and you realising you have the studio or your mates flat.

Is all this really necessary? Surely not? Maybe if I buy a white shirt and some boat shoes with a gay little hat I could circumvent this bastard facade that I'm having to play at the moment. I feel like a dog in a show jumping through hoops on fire, only I cant jump very well and the next hoop is pretty fucking high .

Yeah I know it's a bit dear diary but I needed to get that out. I'm off to clarks. Peace.

 

go muslim brother

 

Nah confidence is fine mate. Hanging out with me is like being fucked by God. Even if it's raining. Just this one girl... she's impressive. Makes man feel like he's back in school nah' mean?

 

Hmm... I hadn't clearly assessed bacon cooking skills. This is a poor effort on my part, I will conduct a test next time I see her. If she doesn't pass I'll turn my back there and then. Walk off into the sunset.

I live in a clusterfuck of towns that equals the size of Birmingham so plenty of people about, but I like challenges. I have a fool-hardy belief that I can do anything if I try hard enough and don't back down. Often this works. Except for flying. I've learnt I cant fly. Not even with giant wings made out of bits of wood and some cut up bedsheets. I was so sure it would as well....

 

rape her

 

I'm going to steer clear of rape for at least a fortnight. I'm a gentleman.

Maybe you would use your hair as a basic propeller? Or lash a hippie to a pottery spinning plate thing and see if you can turn them into a helicopter? If Hippie Dave hadn't selfishly shaved his dreads off I could have tested this this afternoon...

 

No it's not Piss Dave. They are possibly related though. Hippie Dave works in IT, loves psytrance and doesn't miss an opportunity to claim something is massively unfair and try to fight the establishment through the use of linking a news article on Facebook.

 

Just get a mail order Russian/Thai - thats my plan

 

gay

 

What is this!? some kinda gilry girl shabby chique bullshit. what the fuck homo? 1000m diving watches dont exist!? or do they? I challenge someone to dive 1000m. That would be awesome. You could saay your a diver. wiminz love thatr shit.

Now let me tell you how to get out of this my dear friend. Or more fittingly how to into this. Firstly man the fuck up homo. My speciality is women out of my league. I see them as an untapped oportunity. untapped... as 90% of chino wastegash have never experienced the power of a man out of his league. now let me tell you... ive been in women of leagues far superior and have come out on top like a boss. firstly... the fact shes even talking to you or texting you or even thinking about going on a date means your on to a winner and has already toyed with the idea of riding your man hood. This is fact. The only thing that can change this isnt what your into or what you do when shes not about.... its the lack of information and/or exagerating the facts. Bedroom DJ? well.... actually my good sir..... your a world touring badman. She wouldnt know anyway. Afterall shes too busy listening to the charts right? just say yeh.. i tour with Jason Status and rack lines in the city. Rack rack city bish rack rack city. Just like that. say that. its good. will make her laugh. you know how to that right? make them laugh. its easy. in fact. dont even talk about yourself. no need. most women just like to talk abotu themselves. only after sex are they interested in your history. by that time youve laid the smackdown and your a winner. also... sex... you need to get all dirtbag and shit. women of calibre like to be treated like fuck animals. you that right?.

anyway. fuck you.. wheres this bish. show me pics. how do i contact her. let me have a go. ill win it for you and tell her how boss you are. i go all rick ross and mash her up like ninja man. yes me cocky long like snake sweep up a gal like rake. yeh... thats a ninja man lyric. if you dont know it... you should... he's the man when it comes to romancing.

 

ten minutes till the pub. yas

 

canny get a girlfriend. boohoo. man up eh