ok, i just done a white month, (meaning no drugs or alcohol) and ive decided to extend it to tuesday next week. thats the 7th of feb. basically i been drinking a lot of tea and going to bed early. watching old 70s flicks and playing the guitar. it hasnt been easy, im a mean drunk and chronic alcoholic. mate of mine was leaving the country and wanted me to hook him up with good yay, so i did and then i had to sit there and drink tea when a whole apartment of people went bonkers. i lasted about an hour and went home at 12. it was funny to see the effect it has on people though, when youre sober you can really tell the difference. they all turned into raving lunatics, total babbling fools with the attention span of a stillborn adhd six year old. surely im not like that when on the old razzle dazzle. i cleaned out the studio the other day, throwing away the junk my ex left behind and found an absolutely insane amount of drugs, and thought to myself lo, the lord is testing me. threw it all away. there has been a series of unfortunate events and i didnt turn to drink even once. in a way i think staying clean has been my salvation, made me stronger emotionally cos i had this principle to hold on to. if i was drunk and high all this time chances are i would have been a broken man (or? cos i been doing just fine up until the other day when i decided on doing a white month, i been drunk since round 2000 shit ill probably die tomorrow. anyway thats a thought thats been popping up in my moments of weakness and doubt) today is day number 5. 5 more days to go. and then im not really sure what im going to do tbh, stay high until i hit rockbottom has occured to me, but then going on for another month also has. i dont want to be an all or nothing kind of guy, it should be possible to find a middle and gallivant along it with a glass of wine in hand should it not?