When This Meth Thing Blows Over, You'll Come Crawling Back...

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by deadaelus, Sep 11, 2006.

  1. deadaelus

    deadaelus Laughter in the Slaughter

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    When This Meth Thing Blows Over, You'll Come Crawling Back...

    By Cocaine
    August 16, 2006 | Issue 42•33

    Why so down in the dumps, vato? Man, you don't look so good. What happened, artillery-shell blow half your face off? What's that? You're hooked on methamphetamine? You're kidding, right? Isn't that what they used to give depressed house-pets? Well, enjoy it while you can, kid, because the novelty won't last. I promise you right now that soon enough, that little glass pipe of yours will be collecting dust in a cockroach-infested corner as you sit hunched over that traffic-sign-on-cinderblocks you use for a table, reacquainting yourself with your old powdery amigo blanco.

    I remember when you were all jazzed for angel dust. Next was the crack version of me, followed by—what was that shit—OxyContin? ¡Ay, dios mio! But the good times never last: You always need more, more, more just to get the same high, and soon you're hanging out at highway weigh-stations, blowing 300-pound truckers for two bucks.

    Mi querido, you could've had that with me all along. Look, when fabulous, kick-ass rock-star me is around, everything else is redundant. Unless you're into LSD or mushrooms, in which case I say, go fuck a sunset, hippie. I'm my own gateway drug, baby!

    And isn't crystal meth basically just chemicals, man? Don't you have to set up a bunch of flasks and beakers and Bunsen burners in your kitchen and boil down a ton of stuff to get maybe half-an-ounce of the shit? Whatever. Sounds boring. Of course, I'm all coca leaves, 100 percent natural, made with love in the jungles of Colombia.

    Jesus fucking Christ, I'm so much better I could go on for pages and pages and pages and pages and pages and pages and pages and pages and pages.

    Three great things about me: Uno, you can snort big fat lines of me wherever there's a flat surface, from mom's vanity mirror to the disco bathroom. Dos, it's always been my personal guarantee that you will be the sharpest, funniest, hottest, fiercest, whip-fucking-smartest motherfucker in the place. Tres, no open sores. Might have some nose-cartilage issues, but nothing anyone can actually see.

    Know what the best thing to do when you're on me is? Rent a penthouse suite, open the window, stand out on the ledge, and bay at the moon. With meth, you're too busy counting the teeth on the rug to see the big picture. Sure, you have your euphoric moments, but do you ever feel like a quicksilver Jesus who knows all, sees all, and is all? It's better than anything. It's better than the end of Rocky.

    You need meth to get off? That is just sad. Hello!—why do you think they call me "blow"? Actually, I'm not sure why I'm called blow. This might sound weird coming from me, but it just ain't right to use drugs for sexual benefit. Should you feel like you can fall 20 feet and not get hurt, or plunge your hand into a flame and not feel it, or put your fist through a glass coffee-table and not notice all the bleeding? Absolutely. But to smoke or snort something just to feel sensations you should feel naturally? That's malas noticias in my book.

    I'm the biggest cash crop in three countries. Who can say that about crystal meth? Bakersfield, California? I am an international powerhouse: For every ounce of me you've snorted, at least two people have died. I'm talking deadly airlifts out of the jungle, thrilling speedboat shootouts, spectacular daylight assassinations of politicians, executions of informants, electrodes on villagers' genitals—name it, it's there. And I'm not even counting the me-fueled spree killings.

    Know what? Fuck you. I'm no sloppy seconds. You know who's doing me right now, as we speak? Charlie fucking Sheen. I don't need you. I'm a star. So suck it, you little corn-fed scarecrow. Go back to slopping pigs and huffing nail-polish remover, you raggedy-ass hick.

    Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I take that back. I miss you, baby. We were great together. I just want it to be the way it was. Up all night, talking about whatever's on your mind. Dancing till the sun comes up. Just you and me and several of your friends.

    Hey, it's all good. No worries. Because I know you'll be back. You've never been able to resist me. I can wait as long as it takes because I'm forever, amigo. If you need me, I'll be in the restroom of a Philadelphia law firm, up a paralegal's nose.

    Cocaine is a longtime stimulant synthesized from the leaves of the coca plant. It maintains residences in Miami and Bogota.

    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51597
     
  2. mesh

    mesh Active Member

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    meth has ruined too many scenes, and dnb is at the forefront of its destruction here and Australia wide.

    makes me ill to think of it man
     
  3. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    I frigging hate speed and speed kids. Luckily they can't stand the dnb I like.
     
  4. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    aw come on man, i never left you for a second!! and do you know why? you need me. thats why. so ill see you soon. friday? maybe even thursday? i know i swore never to call you again just two hours ago but i cant stay mad at you.
     
  5. Fes Rock

    Fes Rock Nothing..........

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    Originally [in the states] it came from the west coast. But I noticed this summer...strong batches [meening its from a pro cook] came out to the eastcoast where I reside. With that said it took only 2 months to turn college kids, ravers, jocks, houswifes....even cops onto it. They basically put the hault to the war on drugs to try to stop the pipeline of meth making its way East...Now because that was only a temporary fix, there making it imposible to get cold med/flu meds available over the counter. For instance if I want some advil cold & sinus...I have to be a suspect or Meth Cook. This shit is an epidemic over here!
    suposedly they stopped the pipeline...but its still here...In larger amounts.

    :mkay:
     
  6. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    i love this article
     
  7. Fes Rock

    Fes Rock Nothing..........

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    this dudes a Narc:readthis:
     
  8. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    Tweek, tweek, tweek, tweek...

    What with techstep born in ganja, what will meth dnb be like...?
     
  9. Dj_Fozzybear

    Dj_Fozzybear Greenpiece Records

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    Logikz is a narc!!!!!
    hehehehehehe
    Better watch him eh?
    hehehehehe
    :zest:
     
  10. Dj SmurFiE

    Dj SmurFiE Tha Muffin men crew

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    i dont know anybody in england that does meth, it aint popular over here at all, and why would it be? pill/mdma is so much better.

    Coke is for mugs as well, its an addictive, crappy waste of money drug.
     
  11. mesh

    mesh Active Member

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    precisely my thoughts.
     
  12. 1992

    1992 Novantadue

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    Whats scary is this stereotype that lawyers and paralegals are drug addicts!