I have a Duck, his name is Crispin. I have to kill him next Wednesday, he has been fed on Seed, various Herbs, any Pork trimmings & Fruit Peel for the last 3 weeks. He has his own Pond & some wild Ducks come to visit him, I think he knows he's not like the other Ducks, that he is unique in his own special way, he looks at me with contempt & bewilderment when I start squeezing his thighs & Breastal areas to measure there girth. The other Ducks laugh at him. After I have killed him, my Wife will pluck him, then I will wash him with Boiling Water & Blow-Dry him, leaving him overnight to hang, then I will paste him with a mixture of Water, Honey, 5 Spice, Chilli, Star Anise & Orange Juice & Blow-Dry him again, leaving him for another night to hang. On Christmas Day I will stick a straw up his batty & blow as hard as I can to seperate the now paper like skin from the fat layer, to increase crispiness levels, then I will stuff him with Spring Onions, Chives & Oranges & Roast him at 250oc for an hour until the skin is Brown & Crispy, then I will cover him in Tin-Foil, turn the heat down to 150oc & cook him for at least another hour. I will then steam the Pancakes & prepare the Spring Onion, Cucumber & sauces to accompany him. His memory will live on through our bellies, he will not have died in vein. I don't like Christamas Pudding/Cake, so I have my eye on a Gu Chocolate & Orange Cheesecake, which I will devour with warm Brandy Butter & a bowl of Henney. Pease divulge your Christmas Dinner plans, it is the best part of said festivity.