what do you do if?...

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Joey AdhD, May 22, 2011.

  1. Joey AdhD

    Joey AdhD sweaty scouser

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    i am working at the moment, i work for a football clubs TV channel, there for i am coving a game, Liverpool V Aston Villa.

    I nip out at half time to get some scran from tesco's, decided to go for a tesco fajita wrap and a friji, run back, footy kicks off, i raise the said wrap to ones mouth, about to take a bite and the is a fucking bright green catapiller on the top of it, half way into the wrap hanging out the end, i have take pics of the wrap with the packaging and a video of the little fucker wriggling about.

    whats the next step, i want lots of money but how do i go about it?
     
  2. Controller

    Controller (╯'□')╯︵ ┻━┻

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  3. Joey AdhD

    Joey AdhD sweaty scouser

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    yeah i will when i am home, i cant get my camera pics onto my works computer.
     
  4. PostmanPat

    PostmanPat I'll cum in your arse.

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    Pics or this isn't real.



    :teeth:
     
  5. ThePapa

    ThePapa Suffragette City..

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    Ideally you'd need to catch polio or something similar from the caterpillar...






    To be honest if it's a big brand supermarket they could keep this going through the courts for years. Pick on a corner shop...





























    :teeth:
     
  6. ilovelondon

    ilovelondon Call me Jens.

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    Aha, smart question Joey. Now that you have obtained a small animal, in your case a caterpillar, you can start a tiny circus. Take a small piece of string and tie it to a match. Now you've got a small whip. If you're really good with crafting things, i can also suggest you make a small chair. You are now ready to be a tamer of small animals. Teach it to sit up, crawl through a hoop and possibly even ride a tiny bicycle, why not?! This will - off course - need more crafting skills. Feed it your tesco wrap when it makes progress, as a reward. Since you're already in the audiovisual business, get a mate from your crew to film it. Create a new YouTube channel called 'Joey and his magnificent Caterpillar Circus'. In time, you will grow to be very successful, gets loads of hits and advertisers will pay you to put messages in your video uploads. If you remain patient enough, BBC will notice your caterpillars skills and a documentary will be made, with magnificent stories about your patience and heroism told by David Attenborough. Congratulations, at this point you will obtain high amounts of money, and profit from your new celebrity status for the rest of your life.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2011
  7. DJ NUERA

    DJ NUERA 5HEAD

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    Kill it, then finish your delicious tesco's wrap.
     
  8. Dagz

    Dagz Well-Known Member

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    Man up and eat it! then after roar like a tiger
     
  9. JHSE23

    JHSE23 the yen

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    throw it at someone in the crowd then duck

    #sneaky dickhead
     
  10. mr karnage

    mr karnage deep inside the jungle

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    try selling off the caterpillar to someone in crowd
     
  11. tone090

    tone090 Bare back rider!

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    Shove it up Jamie Carraghers ass!
     
  12. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Go to the store with the Caterpillar, the sandwich & the photos, be very loud at the customer service desk, try & make as many people in the store around you aware of what you have & what you're complaining about (refer to it as a live infestation - serious foreign body), demand to speak to the manager, say you work in Quality Assurance in the food industry & have taken legal advice & have been told you have a strong case in a small claims court, you're considering contacting trading standards & the British Retail Consorteum with your findings to ensure they persue a full product recall, but you're a reasonable person & aslong as they can offer you a generous compensation package, then you won't feel the need to persue further action.

    Don't accept their 1st offer, a full product recall will cost them at least £50,000 & seriously unwanted media attention.

    Tell them you're fully aware of this cost, so for them to try & fob you off with a joke amount would only serve to force you to persue the aforementioned action.

    Once you're happy with any offer they're putting on the table, say you want it in writing & correspond that way from then on, I suggest again not acepting subsequent offers & once you have correspondance with them, contact one of those "no win, no fee" lawyers4u type things you see on T.V to see if you do actually have a case...

    I've seen it day in, day out for the last 2 years, it works 100%.
     
  13. Joey AdhD

    Joey AdhD sweaty scouser

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    thanks for the info, here is the offending insect

    [​IMG]
     
  14. gcurt1s

    gcurt1s Buried Audio

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    are you sure its not just a peace of lettuce? lettucai can be deceiving
     
  15. mr karnage

    mr karnage deep inside the jungle

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    the other day i took a hoodie out my wardrobe and i clocked a piece of lint on it so i went to pick it off and it wouldnt come off so i started to scratch it off and it started to come off. after a bit of scratchin and shit i stopped because i saw it move a little then a saw something trying to riggle out from underneath it and out came a little fucking caterpillar!!.

    true story
     
  16. gcurt1s

    gcurt1s Buried Audio

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  17. ThePapa

    ThePapa Suffragette City..

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  18. Joey AdhD

    Joey AdhD sweaty scouser

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    it was real, it was alive
     
  19. tone090

    tone090 Bare back rider!

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    You wouldn't have a leg to stand on in court. There is nothing to say you didn't put it there. What's to stop me from getting a Tescos sandwich and putting a spider on it then taking a photo? Plus there is no reason for a recall, nothing wrong with the product.

    Sorry to piss on your fire but have fun spending your £5.00 goodwill voucher.
     
  20. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Not true in the slightest, they will try & fob you off, yes.

    I've worked in QA for a company producing Cereals for Tesco amongst many other large Supermarket Chains for the last 2 years, dealing with customer complaints.

    So i've seen the full process in action...

    If you play your cards right & threaten to report them to the appropriate channels, they will go out of their way to avoid any potential media attention & their subsequent suppliers/manufacturers will front some of the cost of any compensation if Tesco deem them responsible, as the company I worked for had to do in the past.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2011