Viz New English Slang Dictionary. made me laugh in work so thought i would share

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by duffer, Oct 16, 2007.

  1. duffer

    duffer Under Mi SensI........... VIP Junglist

    Jun 25, 2007
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    Viz New English Slang Dictionary

    Abra-Kebabra: A magic act performed on Saturday night, where fast food vanishes down the performer's throat, and then shortly afterwards, it suddenly reappears on the taxi floor.

    Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

    Beaver Leaver (or Vagina Decliner): A h0m0sexual.

    Beer Coat: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

    Beer Compass: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

    BOBFOC: Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

    Bone of Contention: A hard-on that causes an argument. e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

    Breaking the Seal: Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

    Cider Visor: Beer Goggles for the young drinker.

    Cliterature: 1-handed reading material.

    Cock-A-Doodle-Poo: The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently, wakes you up in the morning to get to the toilet quick.

    Crappuccino: The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you get when abroad.

    Etch-A-Sketch: Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

    Frigmarole: Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

    Going For a McSh*t: Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McSh*t With Lies.

    Greyhound: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

    Hefty Cleft (or Horse's Collar, or Welly Top): Description of a very large v@gina.

    Millennium Domes: The contents of a Wonderbra. i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually f*ck-all in there worth seeing.

    Monkey Bath: A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

    Mystery Bus: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint,
    and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

    Mystery Taxi: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

    NBR: No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.

    Picasso Arse: A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

    Sperm Wail (or Spuphemism): A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

    10-Pinter: Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

    2-Bagger: Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with. (1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off.)

    Titanic: A lady who goes down first time out.

    Todger Dodger: A lesbian.

    X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus.
  2. Treazon

    Treazon Myriad Abstruse VIP Junglist

    Jul 2, 2007
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    Yeah, I got the hardback version for my birthday a few years ago, its called the 'Profanisaurus'...

    I use 'Brain Donor' quite a lot, which is used to describe someone who is basically thick.

    Also, 'Bombing the Japanese' is going for a number 2 after a number 1, if that makes sense...
  3. Swan'e Style

    Swan'e Style Hollyoaks Bizness VIP Junglist

    Mar 5, 2007
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    Left the jungle and back in the garage
    I've worn the beer coat many times :beers:
  4. glenemy

    glenemy Enemy is here

    Jul 9, 2007
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    bone of contention, omg how funny
  5. Indi

    Indi Tha Original ThreadKilla! VIP Junglist

    Apr 7, 2003
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    Hull UK
    Dated but still funny.