Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Toejam, Sep 13, 2012.
Top Tip: To eradicate hay fever & dizziness simply stop spinning in a field of corn.
to stop people sitting next to you on the train, pull down your trousers, stand on the seat, squat and maintain a look of intense concentration on your face for the remainder of your journey. when you reach your destination, pull up your trousers and stroll of the train with a slight swagger in your step to display the complete lack of fucks given.
Turn your can of Perrier into still water by simply leaving it open for a few days.
Make your own wine by leaving some grapes in a cup
Want aural satisfaction? Try sending a private message to Moskit for Andy C's last set at The End.
Cutting the top of the root of an onion releases that crap makes you weep like a doused otter in oil an spill, don't cut the root and cut thinly and fry to taste
Give house spiders a taste of their own medicine, by covering your walls in spray mount.
Bikers: Avoid getting a sore arse by placing a naan bread on the saddle! This will comfort your ride and once you get to your final destination, voila! A warm, tasty treat awaits...
recycle all your used electronics by throwing them at dogs
All the kids in Africa are starving. And you can sponsor one of these needy children for just 30 cents a day. But is cost a god damn dollar 1.50 a minute to talk dirty to a woman on the phone......
We should get those kids some phones.
Tie Fine Cotton around Wasps Abdomen
Smoke copius amounts of high grade Cannabis
Wasp on a lead
Have actually done this.
When drowing, play dead - the water will think you're a corpse and make you float.
If you have trouble crying uncontrollably when talking to girls, avoid the pepper spray.
When living in somebodies loft/basement, let them know about it.
Tired legs? Have a sit down.
now that is a top tip right there lol
pen run out of ink? keep writing by getting a new one!
People complaining you smell? Take a shower!
Wanna look cool? Smoke!
Always carry a spare boat. You never know when you will end up on a desert island.
You must spread some dickanus around before giving it to peniscunt again. Serious how much do I have to whore?
find you are spending too much time on internet forums? Get a job!
I spend my time here when I'm at job. That sig you have there is very nice.
When drunk in an establishment charging over extortionate prices for alcoholic beverages, try dropping your trousers and pants to your ankles in their deserted lavatory and spinning in a circle, urinating on as much surface area as possible.
like reggae music? scared of black people? always wanted to go to jamaica? do what moskit did and marry a beige woman, this will allow you to walk around the ghettos of kingston town without the fear of getting shanked.
Separate names with a comma.