Top Tips!

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Toejam, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. Toejam

    Toejam OOOBEY DOOBEY

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    Top Tip: To eradicate hay fever & dizziness simply stop spinning in a field of corn.
     
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  2. rysk

    rysk Part-time waster

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    to stop people sitting next to you on the train, pull down your trousers, stand on the seat, squat and maintain a look of intense concentration on your face for the remainder of your journey. when you reach your destination, pull up your trousers and stroll of the train with a slight swagger in your step to display the complete lack of fucks given.
     
  3. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    Turn your can of Perrier into still water by simply leaving it open for a few days.
     
  4. rj_dnb

    rj_dnb Well-Known Member

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    Make your own wine by leaving some grapes in a cup
     
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  5. dirty breaks

    dirty breaks Guest

    Want aural satisfaction? Try sending a private message to Moskit for Andy C's last set at The End.
     
  6. Toejam

    Toejam OOOBEY DOOBEY

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    Cutting the top of the root of an onion releases that crap makes you weep like a doused otter in oil an spill, don't cut the root and cut thinly and fry to taste
     
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  7. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    Give house spiders a taste of their own medicine, by covering your walls in spray mount.
     
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  8. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    Bikers: Avoid getting a sore arse by placing a naan bread on the saddle! This will comfort your ride and once you get to your final destination, voila! A warm, tasty treat awaits...
     
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  9. Teddy

    Teddy 60% Staff Member

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    recycle all your used electronics by throwing them at dogs
     
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  10. IV4

    IV4 Currently a newt.

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    All the kids in Africa are starving. And you can sponsor one of these needy children for just 30 cents a day. But is cost a god damn dollar 1.50 a minute to talk dirty to a woman on the phone......





















































    We should get those kids some phones.
     
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  11. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Catch Wasp
    Freeze Wasp
    Tie Fine Cotton around Wasps Abdomen
    Defrost Wasp
    Smoke copius amounts of high grade Cannabis

    Wasp on a lead
     
  12. RocksteadyUK

    RocksteadyUK SkimoBeats

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    Have actually done this.
     
  13. Controller

    Controller (╯'□')╯︵ ┻━┻

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    When drowing, play dead - the water will think you're a corpse and make you float.

    If you have trouble crying uncontrollably when talking to girls, avoid the pepper spray.

    When living in somebodies loft/basement, let them know about it.

    Tired legs? Have a sit down.
     
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  14. greddie

    greddie Super Sir Loin

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    now that is a top tip right there :) lol


    pen run out of ink? keep writing by getting a new one!

    People complaining you smell? Take a shower!

    Wanna look cool? Smoke!
     
  15. RocksteadyUK

    RocksteadyUK SkimoBeats

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    Always carry a spare boat. You never know when you will end up on a desert island.
     
  16. Elzerk

    Elzerk 00111100 00110011

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    You must spread some dickanus around before giving it to peniscunt again. Serious how much do I have to whore?
     
  17. justin_credible

    justin_credible Lurker

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    find you are spending too much time on internet forums? Get a job!
     
  18. Elzerk

    Elzerk 00111100 00110011

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    I spend my time here when I'm at job. That sig you have there is very nice.
     
  19. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    When drunk in an establishment charging over extortionate prices for alcoholic beverages, try dropping your trousers and pants to your ankles in their deserted lavatory and spinning in a circle, urinating on as much surface area as possible.
     
  20. dirty breaks

    dirty breaks Guest

    like reggae music? scared of black people? always wanted to go to jamaica? do what moskit did and marry a beige woman, this will allow you to walk around the ghettos of kingston town without the fear of getting shanked.