The magical moth

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by SIRUS, Jul 21, 2014.

  1. SIRUS

    SIRUS 変なひと

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    As I sat there needing a piss - it had been almost a bottle of wine since my last - whilst watching some guff on tv that I really thought was a bit shit, i took my leave at the ad break. readressing my uncomfortable wealth as I strode to the shitter i almost felt an acceptable sense of calm unlike my usual displeasure at all the cunt that is the world.

    In my hazy alcohol zen I turned on the bog light and farted something that unfortuantely shifted a tiny bit of bodily matter into my two day worn calvins when I saw from the open window a fucking bloody great big moth.

    It stunned me with it's brown form, the usual obvious pointlessness becoming, in my pissed up eyes something. Something i had never given a thought suddenly became the most beautiful, original, one in a life time creation sat happily upon the window frame like all life was at peace. It stood for something it stood for life as a whole. Like a blind deaf tramp with a smile in wall street it had no care.

    it barely fluttered as I drained out about a pint and a half of thick almost syrupy orangish piss. there was more accompaning farts but not a flutter from this now truly transient god of its species.
    I took stock of my heart, neigh my soul. I gently, after pissing all over the toilet seat, took my wet hands to the curtain to usher the grand winged insect back in to the world, but also to wipe the piss of my hands. rest assured I did my best for that thing. I gave it not life, but a fredom to grace its beauty to world for however long it could survive, shackling it from its light addiction.

    as I returned to watch dragons den full of self hatred but with a now comfortably sexual infected bladder I felt a sense of peace and calm I haven't felt since tuesday when I re-read my rejection letter Jim'll fix it.

    Unfortunately the moth flew back in through the lounge window and I twatted it with a sock after it kept flying around my head.

    CHANCER CUNT.
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2014
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  2. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    i was flying around this room. with some sort of homosexual drapes.. it was horrific. i was trying to escape for hours!! there was no way out!! then suddenly.. my worst fears.. this.. beast of a creature appears as if from no-where.. he starts to drain a fowl smelling liquid from a very odd looking backwards vagina.. i was safe.. as long as i didn't move.. then suddenly its head turned straight towards me!! its eyes staring right at me with terrifying evil unknown to anything. in that moment i truely thought i would die. i thought this was it! and i hadn't even fingerbanged holly! the next moment came, and this beast, covered in its own filth and spoil opened what seemed to be some sort of doorway?! it was absolute madness, but i felt i had to go through, either that or i believe i could of been in for the biggest battle of my life! as i drifted towards the doorway, out of no where.. i was suddenly free!! could this be happening.. i look to my left.. to my right.. along the x y axis my eyes did wander! could this be true? i was free!! free from what i thought was sudden death!! i looked behind be to see to doorway had gone. and the beast vanished into thin air! what a rush.. i decided to enjoy life from that moment on. maybe be nice to holly.. settle down. get a wife.. a real job! give up this life i was leading.. and as i skipped along i saw the beast in the distance!! could he be the same guardian angel that saved me?? i had to go in for a close look.. and low and behold! he was the... sitting there as if saving my life had ment nothing to him.. i knew there was no way he could understand what i was trying to say.. i tried to get closer and closer . i wanted to thank this monster for setting me straight, making me see the light! he was my god essentially! but then a sudden flash! and on the floor they found me, but they didn't say who i was, Come to think about it, his name was.. it was Moth

    Damn!
     
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  3. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    Visceral. Taupe. Its unthinkable.

    You = the president. XXL jockstrap. Walk the line.x

    - - - Updated - - -

    Edit Michael what in the fuck where did you get that! !
     
  4. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    imagination rampage?

    like in the old gta games. but without anything cool. and some random middle aged man talking jibberish for a good 3 mins, moleman.
     
  5. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    Sorry, spoke too soon, that was pretty rad actually haha.
     
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  6. Teddy

    Teddy 60% Staff Member

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    that was as beautiful as a story about hitting a moth with a sock gets.

    why moth's circle light bulbs still remains somewhat of a mystery.
    are they trying to navigate themselves to the moth orgy mistaking your 60w for the moon.
    do they think the light is a food source?
    Nobody knows except the moth. but have u tried chatting to one? they never want to talk about themselves. they must be shy.
     
  7. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    dude, u gotta open up yourself. try telling it a personal secret of yours. i guarantee it'll talk then.. and it'll never tell all the other moths your secret, never.
     
  8. Teddy

    Teddy 60% Staff Member

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    i dunno man. have u ever squished a moth? they all dry inside. they cant have any tears in there little eyes. that must mean they are heartless bastards.
     
  9. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    Nonsense, not talk about your self? It's all I ever do, well, how much I had to drink and what and how wasted I got and then how spicy the curry was. Because that's how you conversation and interesting person. Make new friends.
     
  10. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    and ur calling them heartless bastards lol
     
  11. Teddy

    Teddy 60% Staff Member

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    Well I couldn't see a heart.
    Only dust.
     
  12. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    So my grandfather had a bunch of fly skeletons in a drawer, but they were all tangled up, and when I was bored, he'd let me sort them out, and file them by size. Really fiddly work for a six year old. But fun though. Always found that story quite singular
     
  13. rysk

    rysk Part-time waster

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    getting fucking sick of being attacked by moths.

    plus my lampshade is made up what is essentially 4 sheets of quite thick paper stitched together, so the noise they make bouncing around that fucking thing is ridiculously annoying.

    saying that... ought to mic that shit up, there's a fat snare layer in there somewhere.
     
  14. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    i dnt think moths exist here..
     
  15. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    ok so it just occurs to me who that was, the old ladies on that boat that seemed so verily familiar. i dont want to talk about it, i spent serious time and money trying to forget. ah, and speaking of money, i have to pay these motherfking bills
     
  16. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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  17. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    I want this one...

    [​IMG]

    It reminds me of Gizmo :)
     
  18. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    That aint real, what the hell is that, I need more info on that thing

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    Also, very Silence of the Lambs in here, lemme dust off the old classic

     
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