The greatest joke on earth.

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Indi, Apr 29, 2009.

  1. Indi

    Indi Tha Original ThreadKilla!

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    One day in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael
    found him on the seventh day resting.

    He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?'

    God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is
    it?'

    'It's a planet,' replied God,'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of
    balance.'

    'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.

    God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth,

    'For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America
    is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot.

    Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.'

    God continued, pointing to the different countries.

    This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'

    The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, 'What's
    that?'

    'Ah,' said God. That's the North of England, the most glorious place on earth.

    There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North West alone, including one of the world's best, AND even one
    in Hull, and many impressive cities;

    it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and
    politicians.

    The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going
    to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they
    will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth.'

    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What about balance God, you said there will
    be BALANCE!'

    God replied very wisely, 'Of course, just wait till you see the cunts I'm putting down South !
     
  2. nafe1

    nafe1 sea turtles mate

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    What does a scouser do when liverpool wins the champions league?

    Puts down his playstation controller and goes back to bed with his sister.
     
  3. w4ttsy

    w4ttsy Member

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    northern monkeys
     
  4. Rock*

    Rock* Member

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    I don't see the appeal of the first joke. It makes it very clear that theres a balance everywhere with everything having an opposite, so when it goes on for ages about how brilliant the north of England is, its obvious that the south is gonna be shit. So I thought the punchline would be something different and unexpected, but no, its just "wait till you see the cunts I'm putting down South!!!!!!11!!!!!111111!!!!!!eleven!!!!!!!11!!!!!"
     
  5. nafe1

    nafe1 sea turtles mate

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    What do you call a man with a rabbit up his arse?...


    ...warren:D
     
  6. duffer

    duffer Under Mi SensI...........

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    dirty northern bastards
     
  7. JamesZero

    JamesZero aka Zero Beats

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    I thought that as well.

    And it's not because I'm southern and bitter :D
     
  8. spiderfran286

    spiderfran286 "Yes, squid pro roe..."

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    what do u call a man with no shins?























































    tony
     
  9. nafe1

    nafe1 sea turtles mate

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    what do you call a man with no arms and no legs, in a bush?...







    ...Russel
     
  10. safety

    safety double safety

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    i always hear runners talking about how it gives them a high, so i tried it and if they mean throwing up all over myself and collapsing then i was fucking wasted
     
  11. nafe1

    nafe1 sea turtles mate

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    Why shouldn't you shag a retarded midget???...








    ...coz its not big, and its not clever
     
  12. Dj Dirty Pimp

    Dj Dirty Pimp Active Member

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    lol i was gonna say that one! someone has been watching Jack Dee lol.
     
  13. spiderfran286

    spiderfran286 "Yes, squid pro roe..."

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    aw ya got me man
     
  14. Welsh Junglist

    Welsh Junglist AKA Faqade

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    What do you call a woman juggling bottles of lager?

    Beatrix.


    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

    Cliff.
     
  15. ScottyEightSix

    ScottyEightSix HUGE EARS > COMEDY CHIN

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    How many Junglists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    -one to change the bulb


    -one with a microphone to shout at him to change it again


    -one to bitch about how the original bulb was better and remixed bulbs
    are gay


    -another to wistfully reminisce about the bulbs back in 95


    -one to start a nine page thread about how the new bulb "smacked it at
    telepa" and had bare ravers brockin' out hard


    -one to bitch about how dillinja hasnt made a decent bulb since 97


    -and fabio to remind everybody to stop hating cos he invented light
     
  16. nafe1

    nafe1 sea turtles mate

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    haha i was just about to write the cliff one, beatrix...brilliant!


    What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head?
    edward
    what do you call a man with 2 planks of wood on his head?
    ed woodward
    what do you call a man with 3 planks of wood on his head?
    i dont know but ed woodward would!
     
  17. Fortune^

    Fortune^ ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

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    What do you call a man in a hole?

    Doug.
     
  18. Thin and crispy

    Thin and crispy Active Member

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    what do you call a man with a spade on his head

    doug


    what do you call him when he looses his spade?

    undoug!











































    im joking, its dougless, lol
     
  19. DontLikeCops

    DontLikeCops Certified tramp

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    what do you call a indian lesbian? minjeata
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2009
  20. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    what do you call a southern asian man, with a peice of ham on his head...

    amed