The funniest thing i ever heard...from a dj's point.

Dj Sonna

Dj Sonna - R-IQ Records
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#1
Thanks to dj Eks for making me laugh!!:gslayer:

this was posted by the mighty dj EKS from kunnin mindz..

Thought i'd share it with you and give you a giggle..

this had me in stitches for hours!!!

Big up EKS!!!:slayer:

DJs are expert mind readers...
When requesting a song from the DJ, just say "play my song", or "it goes something like this" then hum a few bars! We have a chip implanted in our heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every patron who ever walked into a bar & all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be vague, we love the challenge.

If we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding. DJs know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be ... it helps jog the memory.

If a DJ tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words for the DJ. Any words.

It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put-downs are the best way to jog a DJ’s memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of "Personal Friend Of The DJ."

DJs are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare for their shows.They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do once they arrive. A DJ's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so don't let them off the hook easily.Your request is all that matters.

If a house DJ had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next DJ that follows will automatically know every house tune the previous DJ ever played, even if the current DJ is a breaks or jungle DJ. It's the law. Feel free to yell Tupac or Biggie!! to a DJ that plays strictly house for example.

IMPORTANT

When an DJ leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head securely so they cannot pull away.This will be taken as an invitation to a friendly & playful game of tug of war between their head and your hands.

Don't give up! Hang on until the DJ submits. DJs are protected by their equipment, & only play the game when tricked into coming out from behind their turntables. Though difficult to get them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying. They're especially vulnerable during mixing songs.

TALKING WITH THE DJ

The best time to discuss anything with the DJ in any meaningful way is when he is in the mix. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. DJs are expert lip readers too. If a DJ does not reply to your question or comment during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips.

Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to over emphasize the words with your lips. This helps immensely.Don't be fooled.

DJs have the innate ability to answer questions & mix at the same time. If the DJ doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.

HELPING THE DJ

If you inform the DJ that you are a DJ, the DJ will appreciate your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on stage. Simply feel free to walk up on stage & join in. By the way, the drunker you are, the better you sound.

Keep in mind that nothing assists the DJ more than outrageous dancing, or a tambourine played out of tempo. Try the congas, they love the challenge. The DJ always needs the help & will take this as a compliment.

BONUS TIP

As a last resort, wait until the DJ takes a break and then get on stage and start playing their records. They love this. Even if you are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you have successfully completed your audition. The club owner will call you immediately the following day to offer you a position.
 
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jay walker

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#2
phahahaha, funny as fook, gotta love the irony! :rofl:

I had a knob asking me to play a hip hop beat at the weekend because he said 'I can rhyme better to hip hop than dnb'. Oh course I stopped the record i was playing an continued to play 'boom shake the room' instrumental. :shabba:

Dont forget the obligitory 'Have you got the Chopper?' :mad:
 

duncan

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#6
used to do a 4hr set every saturday in this bar when i was at uni (playing mostly liquid/good lookin stuff), some guy came up to me and asked if i had any drum n bass. :shake:
 
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#13
Played a DnB set last year & some bloke asked me if I could play some James Brown.

Did a nu-skool-breaks set a few months ago (at the same place) & some geeza asked me "How his break dancing was & did I see him out 'burn' his mate" Thats always the best part about Dj'ing IMO funny questions you get asked.

& if it's not 'The Chopper' they ask for its 'The Burial' as well. So I ALWAYS keep both in the bag ;)
 

nickdawg

nuthin but the dawg in me
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#14
I was doing a hip hop set a couple months ago at a big house party and was playing caught up by Usher....and some chick came up to me and asked if I could play Top 40 :mad_guy:
 

Dj Sonna

Dj Sonna - R-IQ Records
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#15
Dj_Lien said:
Played a DnB set last year & some bloke asked me if I could play some James Brown


Saying that tho he aint half wrong as the original AMEN BREAK CAME FROM james browns - "FUNKY DRUMMER"

A BIT OF D N B HIISTORY FOR YA!!!

:bruce:
 

Indi

Tha Original ThreadKilla!
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#16
Dj Sonna said:
Saying that tho he aint half wrong as the original AMEN BREAK CAME FROM james browns - "FUNKY DRUMMER"

A BIT OF D N B HIISTORY FOR YA!!!

:bruce:

The Amen break came from 'Amen Brother' by The Winstons, hence the reason why it is called the Amen break
 

Alba

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#18
i used to play this japanese night, was asked by the promoters to play vocal uk house to offset all the japanese rnb/j-pop that the other guy used to play. fuck they used to ask for weird shit. i was all up for requests because i was a bit of a fish out of water really, and it was their club, but come on.... if the dj is playing kaskade/om/azuli type stuff is he really going to have tiesto/paul van dyke in his bag? the next week i armed myself with some vocal trance numbers and they asked for some rock/indie type stuff. i ended up taking a bit of everything in and lugging a vinyl box & cd case to the venue every week. fuck that was a trying gig, each and every week. used to bang out dnb for the last 20 mins every week, they started liking it too :lol:
 
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#19
Haha! Yeah and why is it every "Im a dj too mate" geezer you meet always has 1210s? and makes out their better than you to stand there like a statue and do a swift chop of the crossfader (sending the thing flying across the room) and call it a mix!?!?!?? :grrrrr:

Temper temper! Its worse when they have mates with them that dont have a clue! "Yeah, go on mate, hes well good!" I always give em a go to see, and to make em look silly if they be blaggers!

Mind you thats how i met my resident MC Ren Doller at a mobile gig, actually the first time ive been impressed by someone just coming up to me! wicked nites gig that was, shame the person who was 18 that day didnt like the 2 hour dnb set we played! Everyone else did though, and i still got paid! nice. (y)
 
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#20
Dj Sonna said:
Saying that tho he aint half wrong as the original AMEN BREAK CAME FROM james browns - "FUNKY DRUMMER"

A BIT OF D N B HIISTORY FOR YA!!!

:bruce:

The 'AMEN BREAK' came from The Winstons 'Amen, Brother'. Sorry to piss on ya fire mate. (y)



Sorry Indi just read your post........ You beat me to it :lol:
 
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