THE BROOL STORY THREAD NSFW

Moskit

:rodigan:
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#1
Just sat in the hippodrome (My local wetherspoons) after 3rd day of new job, 2 x large brandys, 2 sips into my Amstel, sat behind a table of 4, 2 mums 2 kids eating dinner. 1 kid is downs about 8 years old, other is about 6 non-downs... Non-downs kid: "mummy you got peas with your dinner? - yes dear. Auntie carol you got peas? - yes. Daniel you got peas? - Downs kid leaps on the table, food, drinks etc flying everywhere, starts jumping up and down shouting at the top of his lungs: "I'LL FUCK YOUR PEAS! I'LL FUCK YOUR PEAS! I'LL FUCK YOUR PEAS!" Cue me spraying out a mouthful of lager and falling over up the steps, spilling drink everywhere, before they realise i'm about to have a stroke from hysterical laughter... My day = made



Get it?


Brool stories only itt... :slick:
 

rysk

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#3
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

I sorta got mugged the other day....

was walking down watford high street, mindin my own shiznizz, when as i walked past an alleyway, two badmen pulled me into it, started bein all bad and what-not, "OI BLAD! what you got in dem pockets?"
so i pulled out my wallet, all that was in there was my subway card, bus ticket and 20p.
"this your coin blad?"
"yeah"
"s'mine now"
they pulled out my baccy and said "what you smokin this shit for? need to get yourself some real fags innit" and proceeded to throw it on the floor.
then they fucked off, glad they didn't find my green, which was luckily stashed in a little hole in the sole of my shoe (bit prang about that kinda thing)

true story bro
 

Acid_Alli

aka The Executioner
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#4
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

I sorta got mugged the other day....

was walking down watford high street, mindin my own shiznizz, when as i walked past an alleyway, two badmen pulled me into it, started bein all bad and what-not, "OI BLAD! what you got in dem pockets?"
so i pulled out my wallet, all that was in there was my subway card, bus ticket and 20p.
"this your coin blad?"
"yeah"
"s'mine now"
they pulled out my baccy and said "what you smokin this shit for? need to get yourself some real fags innit" and proceeded to throw it on the floor.
then they fucked off, glad they didn't find my green, which was luckily stashed in a little hole in the sole of my shoe (bit prang about that kinda thing)

true story bro
Why did you let them rob your 20p?
 

richie_stix

gomby plz
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#8
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

whilst at goodwood festival of speed... i bumped into one of my then idols (and all round legend), mr tiff needel... i'm a major petrol head, and know shit loads about classic motors... so when i asked him what race he'd just raced in, he told me what it was and my reply was 'oh, the loud ones'... (poker face) the shame and embaresment haunt me to this day.

brool (y)
 

Moskit

:rodigan:
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#11
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

Man, i'm proud of you guys, every post oozes broolness, even when you're not trying to be brool... :2thumbs: Or are you............
 

t345e

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#12
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

So my mate hasn't seen a vag in about 6 months and after a couple of shandys plucks up the courage to talk to this slag. Ends up bringing her and her mate back to our place and we end up getting on the sniff etc. At about 6 in the morning the night fizzles out and she heads to his room and I drop a valium and go to bed. Meanwhile, he gets his floppy cock out and attempts fuck this 22 year old mother of two. Obviously he can't get it up and she pulls out a sachet which he empties and smears all of his cock. She sits back and goes 'what are you doing?.' He says ' I'm lubing up.' She proceeds to tell him he's just rubbed liquid Viagra all of his floppy cock thinking it was lube. The both went to bed.
 

DJ NUERA

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#14
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

I was once in a nightclub when I saw Paul Merson stumbling around smashed out his face, carrying a bottle of champagne. Me and a mate went up to him and I said "I thought you used to have an alcohol problem?" to which his reply was "EET DON FUSCHING MEK A DIFFERNECE IF IM PAUL MERSON"

Then when we we were leaving my mate mooned him
(y)
 

DamageCase7

Better off dead.
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#15
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

So my mate hasn't seen a vag in about 6 months and after a couple of shandys plucks up the courage to talk to this slag. Ends up bringing her and her mate back to our place and we end up getting on the sniff etc. At about 6 in the morning the night fizzles out and she heads to his room and I drop a valium and go to bed. Meanwhile, he gets his floppy cock out and attempts fuck this 22 year old mother of two. Obviously he can't get it up and she pulls out a sachet which he empties and smears all of his cock. She sits back and goes 'what are you doing?.' He says ' I'm lubing up.' She proceeds to tell him he's just rubbed liquid Viagra all of his floppy cock thinking it was lube. The both went to bed.

Glorious.
 

rysk

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#17
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

Why did you let them rob your 20p?
well to be fair, I'm not the hardest brick in the pile, in other words I'm a short skinny little fucker. So I thought it best to just let them be done with it. I missed out on the chomp i intended to purchase though
 

DamageCase7

Better off dead.
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#18
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

well to be fair, I'm not the hardest brick in the pile, in other words I'm a short skinny little fucker. So I thought it best to just let them be done with it. I missed out on the chomp i intended to purchase though
Well done sire.

Chomp > Fudge
 

herojuana

hairy kuala
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#19
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

I got back to some lasses house, and being entirely shit faced (my last memory before getting out the cab at hers was chatting up another bird) I decided the most appropriate thing to do was pretend to be Alan Partridge, and stripped naked and said "let battle commence" which confused her, so I stood there naked explaining everything to her (even who Alan is). I did get my end away though.

and then the girl I have been sleeping with recently, first time I went back to hers, she told me not to say that, so having been on a blackadder tip recently I opted instead to march around her flat shouting "sausage time". I didn't get my end away. not that time.
 

Osime

Official Japanese Student
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#20
Re: THE BROOL STORY THREAD

Got a bottle of the cheapest vodka available to drink with this lady (I'm not spending more than $20 on no ho for nothing). It was 50% alcohol and we both didn't know. She took 5-6 shots of the shit and I have my cup. We leave for a party because we decided to pregame. On the way to the party a male friend of hers decides to tag along. I have no qualms because he ain't fuckin' with my dougie (he's a geek and not the good kind). We get to party and by now the drink's settling in my system and she's feeling it too. Little do her or I know that when I get wasted I get a super London way of saying things which got her wetter than a swimming pool. The party's busted by the bacon patrol and we leave unscathed on our drunken merry way back to the closest place to fukk which is her dorm room. We start making out in front of the building and she wets herself. I have no problem with this, you see, I'm the deepest brownout drunk a person can get. We get to the room and smash things up a bit and she starts to lube me up after round 3. She sets her poon on the wang and cries out "Ah! It's too big!" The best thing I could hear at the moment, but then she cries out, "What's going on!? Are we doing it?" Turns out she was beyond blackout drunk and just woke up from the stupor and I had to explain it to her just like this... night ruined... brool.
 
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