The bro code

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Catsel, Jan 3, 2011.

  1. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    This is a copy of the bro code of Barney stinson from how i met you mother... epic...



    1. Bros before hoes. I cannot stress this enough. Always remember, girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team Testosterone.

    2. Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that it's OK.

    3. If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:

    A. Was an ex-girlfriend.
    B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her.
    C. Is you're buddy's sister.

    However, if it's your buddy's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcome to rub it in his face for years to come.

    4. Never diss a guy if his team just lost a crushing game.

    5. You must never own a cat.

    6. If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:

    A. Your best friends (in order of how long you've known them).
    B. Your acquaintances.
    C. Your co-workers.
    D. The mailman.
    E. The UPS guy.
    F. NASA.
    G. John Kerry.
    ....Z. Your girlfriend.

    7. You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. (Mine are Dawson's Creek and Love, Actually). You may have no more. And if you like Grease, well, we're already too late.

    8. Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.

    9. If you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round of drinks at least once.

    10. There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.

    11. If you owe someone money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible—unless it's a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.

    12. Standard shotgun rules are as follows.

    A. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
    B. Shotgun must be called outside.
    C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
    D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.

    13. NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection). Hey, congratulations, another girl can stand the sight of you. You don't need to wear her like a ******* trophy.

    14. It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as "games."

    15. Don't tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.

    ? 16. Never openly question another guy's sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team. It doesn't matter how ludicrous the other guy sounds telling you that Jake Plummer was better than Steve McNair last season, let him be.

    17. When out with the guys, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that's the case, make it quick.

    18. Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.

    19. Never share a bed with a guy, unless there's no way around it.

    20. Bros Before Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my guy friends have become insufferable ***** since they've gone out with someone.
    21. In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 bros.

    22. A bro should not sing and dance at the same time

    23. A bro should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.

    18. Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.

    19. Never share a bed with a guy, unless there's no way around it.

    20. Bros Before Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my guy friends have become insufferable ***** since they've gone out with someone.

    21. In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 bros.

    22. A bro should not sing and dance at the same time

    23. A bro should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.

    24. Bros do not lie about their age, exept to score with a slightly older chick who doesnt date younger guys.

    25. A bro should not swing his arms when he is walking.

    26. A bro should never carry a woman's handbag

    27. A bro should never go tanning.

    28. No bro should dye their hair

    29. A bro should never refer to an athlete as a "stud"

    30. A bro should never cry during a movie. In the event that he does, he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with.

    31. A bro should not "pop" his collar.

    32. A bro should not speak more than two languages.

    33. A bro should never say "it's to die for"

    34. A bro should not wear a scarf without a jacket or coat.

    35. A bro should not wear an ascot.

    36. A bro should never use the following words: fantabulous, ginormous & fierce.

    37. A bro should never wrap a towel around his head after leaving the shower.

    38. A bro should never "sip" and alcoholic drink through a straw

    39. A bro should never wear a blouse.

    40. If you are not living with a girl you should not have tampons in your bathroom.

    41. A bro should not wear crocs.

    42. A bro should not wear a leotard or do pirouettes.

    43. A bro should never wear a sweater over his shoulders

    44. A bro should not eat grapes from the vines

    45. A bro should never rollerblade

    46. The word cute should not be used other then describing a chick they want to bone

    47. If you compliment a bro on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

    48. A bro should never, ever wear capri pants.

    48. A bro should not wear flip flops with a suit.

    49. No bro should wear a speedo to the beach

    50. No bro should make a kissing face in a photo.

    51. No bro should wear girl jeans

    52. No bro should ever get a pedicure

    53. A bro should never highlight his hair.

    54. A bro should not talk to another bro in the bathroom.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2011
  2. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    55. A bro should never sing show tunes.

    56. A bro should never eat out of another man's hands.

    57.Two bro should not share an umbrella.

    58. A bro should not have "an outfit".

    59. A bro should not wear a white belt.

    60. A bro should never wiggle out of a pair of pants

    61. "A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight." A Bro must never hesitate before communicating the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety [[HENCEFORTH "GIRL FIGHT"]], in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observation. A timely manner is open to interpretation based on the initial Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all methods of media distribution at his disposal, including but not limited to: telecommunications, elbow nudging, fiber optics, the Broney express, and postcards. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video*, or barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime. Tabling Bro obligations to witness a XX chromosomal scuffle is not only condoned, but encouraged

    63. A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has three times confirmed it's cool.

    64. A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro / chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

    65. If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's girlfriend's birthday and / or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

    66. One Bro makes a solo chick attack.
    A second Bro provides a crutch.
    A third Bro rounds out the pack.
    But a fourth Bro is one too much.

    67. Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl's wildly unattractive cousin / friend / mother.

    68. A Bro shall honor his father and mother.

    69. In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longe

    70. In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity, including but not limited to; the high five, the first bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

    71. A Bro much provide his bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.

    72. A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the assumtion that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.

    73. If a Bro suffers pain from a permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a "that sucks, man" and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary – deserved or not – regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.

    74. Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

    75. If a Bro is on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possibly to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or temporarily immigrating to a foreign country.

    76. "A Bro never cries."

    77. "A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro." Be it here resolved that at no point is it permissible for one Bro to engage in carnal delicacies with another Bro's mother. It is, however, allowed and encouraged for one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic feats, animalia, and/or machinery utilized during a fictional encounter with his mom. Should a Bro discover his Bro is in fact adopted, he is free to pursue his Bro's adoptive mother, but only after first corroborating non-biological parentage through notarized birth certificates, hospital records, or comparative dioxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis, whichever is easiest. Since the adopted Bro cannot legitimately claim to have shared a canal with his Bro. Though the mom of a Bro is always off limits, the step-mom of a Bro is allowed if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing. If she looks good in it.

    78. No sex with a bros Ex

    79. No Eye contact in a Devils threesome ( 2 dudes)

    80. Never make fun of a bros Girlfriend

    81. No sex With a Bros Ex

    82. No eye contact during a Devils Three Way (Two Dudes)

    83. A bro must never call another bro just to chat

    84. A Bro Must Never Saw "Awww"

    85. A Bro must Never watch the movie Hope Floats

    86. A Bro must be a fan of Mixed Martial Arts

    87. A Bro must never take a bath regardless of being injured in a Backyard Wrestling Match

    88. Leave No Bro Behind

    89. When another bro is in a fight you must always have his back, unless he has done something recently which would deserve a beating then let him recieve a few shots then jump in

    90. A bro must never leave without saying anything

    91. A bro always be willing to do something awesome™

    92. A bro must never chug any drink unless in a chugging contest

    93. Bros must make small bets as often as possible

    94. Bros must have a good time no matter what

    95. Bros must make movies quotes as often as possible

    96. Bros must watch the movie WEDDING CRASHERS at least once a month

    97. Bros must watch the show entourage

    98. Bros must never comment each other on myspace. If your comments are viewable on your profile it needs to be chicks only. Messeges only, but still never just to chat ( Rule 83)

    99. A bro must never tell other bros he has a "broken heart"

    100. A bro must never distract another bro while playing Guitar Hero.

    101. A bro must never put smily faces in messeges, comments, texts etc.

    102. If one Bro is an attorney, and another Bro finds himself in need of legal advice, Bro 1 will endeavor to provide said services free of charge.

    103. Should a bro discover a new planet and/or orbiting body of subsequent planet, he shall not be allowed to name said astrological body after any girl

    104. A Bro shall NEVER follow 'conventional' rules whilst playing the divine game of Battleship.

    105. A bro must, at all times, suit up.
    EXCEPTION: Funerals. A suit is a happy thing. If a bro must mourn, he shall do it in a white T-shirt.

    106. A bro will always give a non-bro , if considerd worthy, a challange if said non-bro wants to join the brohood. The challange will be chosen by said bro, or other bros present.

    107. A bro never hits another bro in the groin unless its a punishment for breaking The Bro Code.

    108. Once a bro, always a bro. When/if The Bro Code is ever broken, said bro will do whatever the effected bro desires. If the second bro is unable to come up with anything, we shall revert to the rules of a Slap Bet, therefore the first bro will have to choose between ten slaps by effected bro or five slaps to be carried out at any point in time. If no bro is affected, his best bro must choose a modest punishment in public.
     
  3. DamageCase7

    DamageCase7 Better off dead.

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  4. Monkey spasm

    Monkey spasm Member

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    109. op is a fag.
     
  5. DJ Spliff

    DJ Spliff Never Enuff Vinyl

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    Toats M'goats :)
     
  6. Forau

    Forau CONCUSSION RECS

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    Man Law on facebook has a better selection i think =P
     
  7. richie_stix

    richie_stix gomby plz

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  8. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    Cool bro code, bro
     
  9. spiderfran286

    spiderfran286 "Yes, squid pro roe..."

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  10. DontLikeCops

    DontLikeCops Certified tramp

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    I have this book and another one of his they are jokes but its all about the programme
     
  11. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Spiffing tale, chap
     
  12. pitts

    pitts Member

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    havnt read this, care to post it
     
  13. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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