Stupidly drunk sex story thread of officialness

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by RocksteadyUK, Jul 9, 2012.

  1. RocksteadyUK

    RocksteadyUK SkimoBeats

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    Yeh so... saturday... went to see Greg Davies at E4 Udderbelly on the Southbank... afterwards me and the mrs decided to stick around and have a few drinks... so several hours later.... we both realise we are absolutly wankered and decided the best course of action is to head home.

    so we get back... whip the clothes off and get banging like rabits... at this point im bangin so hard my dong is starting to go numb so i decide to swithc up the position and flip her over so she lying on the bed flat face down... you knwo the one.... and so I slip my dong in and go for it..... my mrs starts laughing... but i couldnt stop as i was about to cum... so yeh... kept going fopr it.... then POW!! job done...

    She then turns over pissing herself laughing... and says... you do realise you was just fucking my thighs right!?

    HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! WIN!!!
     
    Floating Hunter likes this.
  2. ApeCat

    ApeCat Human Dubplate

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    Don't care; had sex.

    I wasn't able to satisfy my ex, ONCE. I started talking in this mock Euro accent putting on my best Don Juan de Narco persona, problem was I was high as a kite and suddenly realized I was being more ridiculous than errr.. sexy and it all ended in me cracking myself up rolling about the bed laughing at my own jokes while she laid there like "What the fuck, man?!" but I just couldn't do it. I fell asleep giggling, she was pissed off for about a year, though that could just be on account of her being a total bitch, it's hard to tell with psychopaths sometimes if they're pissed because of something you've actually done or just pissed because they feel like they've got a right to be..
     
  3. Scrapped

    Scrapped Member

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    Haha :lol: Nicely done bro.


    Doesn't matter.....had sex
     
  4. _MILLA

    _MILLA Flamboyant muthafucka

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    on sat my misses went out round town.. i had a coke/mix session on the decks with the boys..
    about 3 in the mornin she comes stumbling into my house completely smashed..

    the boys go home...

    she gets into bed and i have a shower.. knowing she is gna want sex i was a quick as possible..

    no good.. by the time i got out the shower she was naked face down on my bed fast asleep..

    long story short, i lubed up and entered her anus..

    HA! she soon woke up..

    i didnt get sex tho :(...well not till the morning anyway lol
     
  5. ApeCat

    ApeCat Human Dubplate

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    Spoken like a true date rapist!
     
  6. richie_stix

    richie_stix gomby plz

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    im getting to old for coming when im drunk... that is all
     
  7. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    Date rapists dont use lube, paedophiles do on the other hand
     
  8. ONSLAUGHT88

    ONSLAUGHT88 I sees ya I do I sees ya

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    Close enough isn't it
     
  9. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    this.

    women get very upset they can't make u cum.
     
  10. richie_stix

    richie_stix gomby plz

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    they do dont they...
     
  11. rob_del_terror

    rob_del_terror - ̿ ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε

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    i was seeing a girl for about 5 days the other week, called her by her best friends name after a good morning fucking. went down like jo brand on a base jump.
     
  12. herojuana

    herojuana hairy kuala

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    See the brool story thread
     
  13. ZackMRG

    ZackMRG Circles are Pointless

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    Hooked up with a bird a few weeks back who I'd met on the night, she wasn't the creme de la creme of all women but she wasn't the worst looking either, and being in the state I was I couldn't see reason to turn it down.

    Ended up snagging for ages because I was off my tits on mkat and gave up because while she was enjoying getting some proper endurance rodgering I was genuinely pissed off at myself for managing to get sex- but not actually get it's worth due to good old drugs.

    I didn't tell her I was buzzing to fuck cos i couldn't really be arsed with the awkwardness if she was one of those types who Is mad against that sort of shit, so now I'm getting bombarded with texts and calls asking to meet up again because she must presume I'm some hardcore shag, when the reality is is probably last less than minute rice.
     
  14. Kenneth4Eva

    Kenneth4Eva Let's Breed

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    am i the only one that cant cum when drunk? pisses me off
     
  15. rysk

    rysk Part-time waster

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    i lose all motor skills when i'm drunk, let alone the ability to thrust back and forth in quick succession for a lengthy period of time.

    she's doing all the work or it's going to be a loooooong night.
     
  16. herojuana

    herojuana hairy kuala

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    Never when drunk.

    Get hard as ever but just pounding away to no effect. Fuck condoms just get drunk yo
     
  17. Kenneth4Eva

    Kenneth4Eva Let's Breed

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    when im sober its two push skoosh all over her belly role over pretend to fall asleep and listen to her moan and sigh while wiping its off with a sock.

    but when im drunk. i pound away to no effect to the point the girl tells me to stop because im hurting her and she rolls over to go to sleep while im left hanging on to an erection thats so fucking painful i think ive ripped my foreskin off
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2012
  18. richie_stix

    richie_stix gomby plz

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    who are you fooling... virgin

    ಠ_ಠ
     
  19. Kenneth4Eva

    Kenneth4Eva Let's Breed

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    talking about a drunken wank
     
  20. rysk

    rysk Part-time waster

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    i just wanted to be one of the lads...just once, y'naaah? i put on my favourite vest and everything.