'hey man we gotta turn back' but i was heavily focused and nothing could stop me, not even that damned mud. it was now as high as my knees, but i kept on, strong. wading through it heavily fatigued like an ME sufferering lottery winner in a whore house, all viagra'd up an' that. 'johnny, do you hear that?', said ted. 'that's him, right, we've found him?' it became apparent to both of us that the search was successful. our goal was in sight. again the signs were heard. ' squak sqauk' came the sounds from the muddy dwelings of the depths of runcorns most dangerous forest. a forest so vicious that it had been quarantined after girls aloud got eaten by refugee polar bears on their 'we are still sexy and appealing, even though we are old now and had to dump the ugly ginger one for a saucy hispanic girl 5 years younger. plus cheryl cole left us, so we got a half namibian, half robot girl with massive jugs, that has an auto tuner built into her voice box, to save valuable studio time' tour. it was us or them, i thought. them, being a dangerous crow and a one eyed vegetable spring roll, given life by a crazy doctor, called kip wizard. dr kip, whose lack of patience for his patients had led him to impatiently breeding edible creatures from one of his patient patients fridge contents, in an attempt to make walking fast food for easy delivery. dr kip had viciously slayed bong nomad, his faithful patient, after realising the potential of his fridge contents, that had been contaminated by the higgs boson virus that had eminated from the near by hadron collider. bong became an unfortunate victim to his fatal reaction to hardron collided fish fingers that had eaten half his soul. it was only a matter of time before he died and dr kip spotted the potential to create a whole new satellite tv food network dedicated to this need for a new healthy eating, as this virus was going to spread and reach the ends of the earth like tiger woods desire to cheat on his missus. however, jamie oliver was eagerly watching every move on his spy wok, given to him by the evil ghost of billy mays. 'are you thtupid, we need to thtop them bowth frum kepping the viruthh' jamie told gordan ramsey, his second in charge. 'for fuck sake, you silly fucking cunt, i fucking know that you fucking cunty fuck cunt, fuck a cunt off in your fuck cunt, you cunty cunt fuck' said gordan. but was it too late for jamie and gordon? the crow had grown weak through his mkat addiction and had little voice when he instructed the one eyed spring roll to spring into action. 'i'm just a spring roll, crow' he said. 'i've not even got any depth perception'. the crow croacked, 'you've got to try, damnit. you've got to try' said crow. here ends the first chapter of, jamie oliver and the one eyed vegetable spring roll.