Smarty and Moskits Adventures

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by TongueFlap, Oct 9, 2009.

  1. TongueFlap

    TongueFlap Flappin'

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    It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Smarty, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling excessively pleased, Smarty poked a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). As if it really mattered he realized that his beloved lube was missing! Immediately he called his so-called buddy, Moskit. Smarty had known Moskit for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Moskit was unique. He was clever though sometimes a little... annoying. Smarty called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

    Moskit picked up to a very unctuous Smarty. Moskit calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras shudder before mating, yet venomous koalas usually flamboyantly sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Smarty. Why was Moskit trying to distract Smarty? Because he had snuck out from Smarty's with the lube only four days prior. It was a sassy little lube... how could he resist?

    It didn't take long before Smarty got back to the subject at hand: his lube. Moskit turned red. Relunctantly, Moskit invited him over, assuring him they'd find the lube. Smarty grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Moskit realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the lube and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Smarty took the time machine, he had take at least eleven minutes before Smarty would get there. But if he took the mini? Then Moskit would be alarmingly screwed.

    Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Moskit was interrupted by eight oafish small chimps that were lured by his lube. Moskit sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he aimlessly reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and aggressively backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the mini rolling up. It was Smarty.
     
  2. TongueFlap

    TongueFlap Flappin'

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    As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Smarty was out of the mini and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Moskit's front door. Meanwhile inside, Moskit was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the lube into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his whale. Moskit was exasperated but at least the lube was concealed. The doorbell rang.

    'Come in,' Moskit indiscriminately purred. With a skillful push, Smarty opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish genocidal maniac in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Moskit assured him. Smarty took a seat nearby where Moskit had hidden the lube. Moskit shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Smarty was distracted. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Moskit noticed a abrasive look on Smarty's face. Smarty slowly opened his mouth to speak.

    '...What's that smell?'

    Moskit felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Smarty asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the lube right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Smarty's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Smarty nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Moskit could react, Smarty aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The lube was plainly in view.

    Smarty stared at Moskit for what what must've been five millseconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Moskit groped earnestly in Smarty's direction, clearly desperate. Smarty grabbed the lube and bolted for the door. It was locked. Moskit let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Smarty,' he rebuked. Moskit always had been a little oafish, so Smarty knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Moskit did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he gripped his lube tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

    Moskit looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Smarty. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Smarty. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Moskit walked over to the window and looked down. Smarty was gone.

    ----o0o----

    Just yonder, Smarty was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Moskit's place. Smarty had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral small chimps suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the lube. One by one they latched on to Smarty. Already weakened from his injury, Smarty yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of small chimps running off with his lube.

    About nine hours later, Smarty awoke, his love handle throbbing. It was dark and Smarty did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting magical cornfield, Smarty was really lost. Absolutely thrilled, he remembered that his lube was taken by the small chimps. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a big small chimp emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha small chimp. Smarty opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the small chimp sunk its teeth into Smarty's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Smarty's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

    Less than six miles away, Moskit was entombed by anguish over the loss of the lube. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ninja star. With a careful thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Smarty... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the lube that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant small chimps, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
     
  3. dose.bs1

    dose.bs1 THE DADDY

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  4. EWOKS

    EWOKS POTATOES GONNA POTATE

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    say wut .. i really wish i had the attention span to read that.. so much effort, and anything with moskits name in it has to be special-needs
     
  5. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Haha, random as hell but funny
     
  6. EWOKS

    EWOKS POTATOES GONNA POTATE

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    It was the alpha small chimp. Smarty opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the small chimp sunk its teeth into Smarty's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Smarty's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.


    Not thinking, he tossed the lube into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his whale. Moskit was exasperated but at least the lube was concealed. The doorbell rang.


    'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ninja star. With a careful thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp.



    hahah your a funny man .. take it you wirte alot .. if you write a dnbforum waffle book .. add me in there you old goat.. get it published. do the doo
     
  7. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Write a story about me, Ethix, Fran and Fortune next time.
     
  8. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    Haha what a good read. I take it it's a busy day at the office today then Pete.
     
  9. TongueFlap

    TongueFlap Flappin'

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    im so busy mate, far to much work to do. anyways im off home now :D haha
     
  10. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    Is there a paper back edition?
     
  11. TongueFlap

    TongueFlap Flappin'

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    i could print it and send it to you?
     
  12. herojuana

    herojuana hairy kuala

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    can i get an audio book of it? :D
     
  13. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    I want brail, in the style of the Qur'an, back to front baby.
     
  14. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    You missed out the part were I licked his eyes dry, like a Cat at a Saucer of Milk.

    6/10. :teeth:
     
  15. TongueFlap

    TongueFlap Flappin'

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    of course, i will do it in a russian accent as well..

    would you like me to guide your had accross the brail to?

    I think you should write part 2
     
  16. GZero

    GZero No fear no sound!

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    TLDR.

    Fag factor 17 captain.