I'm kind of feeling there should be more to the build up. I love the flaming vocal clip. I agree with EQ'ing the parts so they sit better, I would especially get the high voice clearer. I also think the melody could have more variation in it, at least in the beginning (i.e. before 1:16). 1:40 the drum fade-in is good, winds up being fairly clean. I'm really feeling the effects on the high voice around 2:15 on (stutter etc). I think the song could easily go longer with more variation in the melody. That would also give you a chance to put in more cuts of the sample clip, besides just "dick". Solid idea starting out...
As long as there aren't any full on problems with the track itself, I'm happy. I haven't mastered any of my tracks (because I don't know how) and I don't want to shell out the $50+ to get it mastered. If anyone could give me some tips on how to EQ to make stuff pop better, let me know, it would be greatly appreciated.
You need some kind of plugin to visualize each track (I use the one built-in to ReNoise, but I'm sure there are plugin VSTs if your DAW doesn't come with anything). Then, you can clearly SEE which frequencies each voice is hitting. From there, the task is to find out where the tracks overlap, and then decide which one gets EQ'd. For example, the high voice might have a lot of bass in it, but since it's the high voice you can (usually) just cut the low end right off it. Vice versa with the bass.
Another technique, which may also be helpful if you don't have any visualization plugins, is to make an EQ with a PEAK on a track; you "sweep" the peak back and forth while the song plays. As you sweep the peak across the frequencies, you listen for when the track becomes even MUDDIER/MESSIER, and then you know to replace that peak with a CUT in that frequency range on that track.