ran into a spot of bother

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by logikz, Nov 13, 2012.

  1. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    came home broken glass everywhere, window smashed, two huge bricks on the floor, and a weird woman (ex wife of the guy who owns the house) yelling at me through the mail slot. then she walks round to the garden and talks to me through the broken window. basically i caught her in the act. either that or she was out for damage control for what her man (woman shes a married lesbian in the name of satan) did.
    so, called the police, they were here, and im not mates with them at the best of times, which was nervous, and the glass repair people come in the morning. he called and said dude, itll take me an hour to drive there, do i really have to? i was like naw bro you chill. dont know why i did that.
    in the meantime, ive got a broken window and from what i understand, zombies. the walking dead are out there, and want in. this must be what they go through hiding from zombies, im sure of that. so, battle plan:
    -. call the sarge
    1, sweep up glass
    2. put cloth over broken window hole (like that will stop anyone breaking in)
    3. get fucked up on this gin and whatelse i got lying around
    4. arm myself to the teeth
    5. black metal
    6. die from profit

    im am somewhat deterebed by all this as you can imagine and im not sure if ever falling asleep again is wise
     
  2. JHSE23

    JHSE23 the yen

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    The way I see it you have three options. Option number one: make your way to the closest/most spacious wardrobe, complete with extension cable for electrical goodness, in event of zombie or intruder always go for combined 360 security with option for fancy dress fun. Option number two: play dead; who wants to rob a murder scene, as if an incontinent corpse wasnt enough (required for realism). Option number 3: number 1 and number 2 combined. 3 is my personal fav
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2012
  3. Binary_UK

    Binary_UK Binary.

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    Watch home alone for some booby trap inspiration. Then do lots of smack like mckauley does these days.

    Sent from mans Nokia 3310 using Tapatalk.
     
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  4. W3st

    W3st Unsigned DnB Producer

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    i'd drink the gin, then soak myself in it and light myself ablaze and proceed to fuck her shit up if lesbian satan returns. give her a taste of her own god damn medicine YA ERD
     
  5. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    all valid suggestions, so, in order to get this right, i have to disregard all of it by putting myself on a dark football field wearing only panties, possibly someones college jersey or whats it called, a steak knife i have no intention of using and and and i guess beer, lots of pumpy red cuppy beer and bongs of weed, so as to complete the scenario.

    for really real though ive decided not to worry about it. im a little muted after the experience but i intend on staying up late, making music, and im not even going to worry about downstairs. such is my aim.
     
  6. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    take loads of polariod pics of yourself n post them round the aprtment. buy a dental chair. make friends with the local canaries. listen to the darkest heavy black metal on mute. drink empty bottles of pepsi with coke labels pasted on it. fist pump the air outside the broken window. shout at the carpet. arm yourself with potato guns. listen to prophet touch you. wear ape mask backwards.

    essentially. be yourself Karlos.
     
    equilibrium likes this.
  7. Teddy

    Teddy 60% Staff Member

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    Move out of the hood Karl
    Sure it's entertaining with all the "goings on's" and people calling corner shops bodega's, but there comes a time when ur sitting in front of a broken window holding a bread knife warning off zombies and crack addicts and you think... I'd like to live in the country and go for a nice walk in my new store brand imitation wellingtons. Then u realise fuck that, this is the best time I've ever had and I wouldn't change it for the world, cut off a crack addicts hair and sniff it as you gently fall asleep on a questionable mattress.
    Life is good... Word is pond
    James pond
    Double 0 fish ducks
     
  8. MARKLAR

    MARKLAR International Tracksuit Salesman

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    sit with rifle in front of said door
    blasting whatever music makes you angriest into yours ears
    make sure its loaded with bbs bullets dildos whatever you can get yours hands on
     
  9. Reactor Grits

    Reactor Grits lick a shot

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    scary stuff dude, and you were thinking you'd get some peace and quiet in that place! but why would lesbians get upset with you while you got nothing to do with their private issues?
     
  10. ONSLAUGHT88

    ONSLAUGHT88 I sees ya I do I sees ya

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    Your neighbourhood will end up like Beat Street if you don't get the window fixed
     
  11. D-Jhepz

    D-Jhepz ◕‿◕

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    do some bath salts and become a face eating zombie urself...?
     
  12. RocksteadyUK

    RocksteadyUK SkimoBeats

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    So wait... in all seriay.

    Why did yuou have bricks through your window and a lesbian talking to you through the now broken window?

    Is she your landlord? and did she do it?
    or what?


    im confused
     
  13. ONSLAUGHT88

    ONSLAUGHT88 I sees ya I do I sees ya

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    People pissing on the stairs you know they just don't care
     
  14. Psychoholic

    Psychoholic Quantum Cunt

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    Go sleep in a little trailer near gas stations they are warm and no windows can be broken.
     
  15. SIRUS

    SIRUS 変なひと

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    This calls for thorough investigation. I'd go private and first hand. Take this off the grid. PoPo aint got shit.

    Firstly. Disguises and hi-tech gadgetry.
    Moustaches. Beards. Wigs. Burberry Mac. Hats. Spy glass. GPS tracking devices. Tiny webcam things. Pens that shoot poison darts. All that sort of carry on, and more.

    Then Whisky. This is essential. Cigars and cigarettes optional. But the Whisky is paramount. This has to be consumed at almost a constant rate during the whole investigation otherwise the whole thing could be compromised with ill judgement.

    Be prepared though, as you'll probably have a more than one feisty hubbub with some henchmen . bound to be henchmen - all self respecting criminals have henchmen. oh and seduce all ladies involved - in this case, cure the lesbians.
     
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  16. mistasfx

    mistasfx MISTA SFX

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    basically u have just let 3 people use u as a doormat

    GO INSANE TIL SHIT GETS DONE
     
  17. Fes Rock

    Fes Rock Nothing..........

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    only one who has a valid point is SIrus... Heres what u do, drape some dead animal meat around the window sill, rub blood over every nook n crany u know of on oyur body. light a small fire and inject a mixture of vodka & meth into your dick vein, straight to the head. Now your ready, go between black metal and duran duran songs or maybe some back street boyts toot o make sure everyone thinks your crazy as fuck and knows how to party RIGHT. bricked windowns or not, noones coming in.
     
  18. danwell

    danwell BAAAAAAAAAAAAABE WAIT

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    WHERE'S BRODO. GET BRODO. YOU NEED BRODO. AND RICE
     
  19. Hombre-J

    Hombre-J Currently Ballsacked

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    Pretend you're an orange and peel yourself.