Radical Islamic Extremists Snowboard Into U.S. Embassy

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BAGHDAD—Extremist board-trick crew Al-J'Aqasse, the Middle East's most prominent Islamic radical snowboard posse, is taking full props for destroying the American embassy when a member nailed a goofyfoot 720 nosehook from a security-barrier railgrind into its offices while carrying 25 kilos of C4 plastic explosives, Thrashzeera magazine reported Tuesday.

"In the name of Allah the Merciful, this rad shit is off the hook, yo! Death to the great Satan!" Al-J'Aqasse members shouted in a videotaped, System Of A Down–soundtracked statement posted on the magazine's website, which is denouncing the bombing as "totally sick and twizted."

"Satan! Satan! Satan! Al-J'Aqasse blowing up across the M-E!" one member added.

American security is not certain how Al-J'Aqasse was allowed to build their custom snowpipe-ramp setup across the street from the embassy, but banners and promotional materials scattered across the blast zone point to the involvement of radical, extreme-sports-beverage bottler Sunni Delight.
 
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