emulate the real process: old recordings of acoustic drums playing the break at low bpm. Use Superior Drummer or BFD or something like that. Add a bit of scratchy vinyl noise, crackly dirt plugins, eq off the bottom end a bit. Speed it up to 175bpm. Add mild distortion, compression, and bit reduction, over and over again, chop off any tails, more compression and just keep at it. This simulates the hundreds of times its been sampled and resampled before it ended up on that loopmasters cd that everyone downloaded. Add more compression, just like a CM tutorial. Keep compressing it until all you have is a piece of white noise that goes kssk. Now listen to it on your shitty ipod earbuds and you are sorted.