i have to have music or i freak out, its a psychological problem thats residue from my time in the hospital. im serious, if i dont have spotify and one earbud in, i start to break down, pale in the face, blue lips, red round the eyes, sweating profusely, wild eyed and before you know it ill leg it into the nearest place i can isolate myself in. i cant stand peoples dumb conversations, and i dont want dead time so to sit and wait for someone to finish their meal when im long done and i have no music is dangerously close to panic territory for me. it happened the other day, my ex was taking for fking EVER to eat her food, skewering individual pieces of chopped vegetables from the salad and talking and talking and talking between every bite, i had to bolt, i was just like "OK WELL I THINK MY SPINE BROKE IN FOUR PLACES JUST NOW SO I HAVE TO RUN AWAY" and i ran up to the master bedroom where i keep my laptop and listened to youtube as my heart was trying to pound its way out of my chest. its crazy but the upside is i can listen to two different sound sources and pay equal attention to both, if its people talking in one ear and spoitify in the other, or if i have youtube in one erar and spoitfy in the other, its not confusing at all, its actually just fine and i think thats a side effect of having this problem. a side effect / super power boyyyyyyyyyy