New Hip Hop Track

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by PhorceOfHabit, Jun 8, 2012.

  1. PhorceOfHabit

    PhorceOfHabit Seldom

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    I just recorded this track I penned last night. Feedback would be massively appreciated!

    I'm well aware the sample says 'San Fransisco' but I know fuck all about the place so pretended it was 'Sand Versus Soul' instead haha, sand being the passing of time in the hour glass and soul being my integrity basically.

    Beat's from this sick free beat tape which is well worth a listen: http://www.broken-culture.co.uk/?p=3496.

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2015
  2. EWOKS

    EWOKS POTATOES GONNA POTATE

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    nice man, some nice flows and ideas , some of the flows sound forced tho.. almost as forced as the title of the song and sample haha .. but nah .. well penned man enjoyed it .. check these crazy bars ...

    3 minutes 30 seconds - jam baxter



    also

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2015
  3. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    I think your flow needs some work.

    Some lines are incredibly squashed and some really stretched out.

    As crazy as it sounds, a huge part of flow comes from the wording. You can easily add a small word to make more syllables, or take word out like "I'm" and such to create less syllables.

    It might be just me, but I hate when someone ends a line with the first word of the next line. You end with "I'm" and "But" quite often. It might just be me, but when that happens often it just seems like it's losing flow. You could drop those "I'm" completely and just start the next line anyway. Hope that makes sense lol.

    Lyrically though, I really like it. The rhyme scheme is pretty basic, but you can get away with it on tracks like these.

    You definitely got something good going though. To be fair, flow is probably the hardest thing to get right anyway. There's loads of big names in Hip Hop that can barely even flow.

    Sorry if that seems a bit harsh, but you wanted feedback. I prefer my feedback to be as honest as possible, so I am for other people too...
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2012
  4. EWOKS

    EWOKS POTATOES GONNA POTATE

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    yh as brof said .. dont be scared to cut out some words to make your flow fit nicer .. you just go out of time and sound forced man am afraid .. just because you like the phrase or word you cant force it in if it doesnt work , write it down and use it another time man .. and as borf said .. flow is the hardest part.. lots of rappers dont get thier flow down .. you gotta get it sounding fluent before adjusting other shiz
     
  5. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Basically, try and match up the syllables in a bar.

    If first line is 15 syllables, make the second one 15.

    You can change them up a bit here and there, but try to match them up first, then play around afterwards.

    Me personally, will write a song, then butcher it to fuck before I record, because as good as the words look on paper, they might not sounds good.

    Like I never write with breath control in mind, try and spit it and run out of gas midway through the third bar haha.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2012
  6. Dagz

    Dagz Well-Known Member

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    Some good stuff in this thread! Its only fair i rep my friends too so here's some vids for you


    [video=youtube_share;P-xOC0CiRxY]http://youtu.be/P-xOC0CiRxY[/video]

    [video=youtube_share;V92ffzFrm9Q]http://youtu.be/V92ffzFrm9Q[/video]

    [video=youtube_share;fOlf2Px8lR0]http://youtu.be/fOlf2Px8lR0[/video]
     
  7. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Fuckery Bars is pretty fucking sick to be fair.

    Has Jazz-E man got anything to download?
     
  8. d-low

    d-low I know you got soul

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    not bad at all!! remind me of Verb T a little with ur style.

    But as far as these guys mention the flow, i think your flows good, but with the words - at some points you are saying something real deep (dreams in my subconscious stay monstrous), and then some points its just words that rhyme, (just wanna fly kite up to the sky??) and those latter bars are a little monotonous and for me they dont match up to the more complicated bars you use right before them. Some bars are really top notch, but i think its consistency that you need to get every bar to the same standards

    I dont know i dont want to criticize your art but hopefully that feedback might be a little helpful!! keep it up!!
     
  9. PhorceOfHabit

    PhorceOfHabit Seldom

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    Cheers boys! An yer don't be sorry or anything, I asked for feedback and that's exactly what i wanted, safe.

    Those High Focus bits are big as well, been reviewing all there stuff an it's all heavy man! Track list for Baxter's album Gruesome Features is ridiculous, Baxter x Chester should be interesting.

    I know what you mean about the flow, admittedly i did write and record it within about 12 hours, kinda just a random burst of lyrics on a nicked beat that don't really fit into the EP I'm working on so didn't really wanna waste time chopping it all up to much. But yer I definitely see what you mean about different speeds throughout, need to work on that.

    Yer I have to say I agree with your other stuff but I quite like that style, doesn't suit a lot of beats but on a lazy sounding thing like this I always like it.

    Few people have said the Verb T thing actually, he's one of my favourite MCs so not really gonna be complaining about that haha.

    I see what you mean about that consistency, I've been chopping bits from lots of different 16s together recently so hopefully on lyrics I've crafted for a bit longer I can sort that.

    Cheers again!

    Dunno if any of you lot saw the beats Data put up on soundcloud for MCs to record over and send back? http://soundcloud.com/data
    I'm gonna record some much more aggro stuff to them tomorrow so I'll post it up.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2012
  10. EWOKS

    EWOKS POTATOES GONNA POTATE

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    yh i agree with the verb t thing aswell, hes sick in the owls, and as part of high focus with baxter and that lot hes only getting better.. i know how long hes been on the circuit tho .. longer than them lot .. but getting signed to HF was a big move .. spose with fliptrix it was always gunna happen .. but yh .. high focus .. biggest uk hiphop crew and movement in the uk right now .. keeping things alive .. ot taskforce waning to tour wit em and all sorts . and jehst working with them.. definately big things kicking off in ukhh right now .. good time to get stuff out
     
  11. PhorceOfHabit

    PhorceOfHabit Seldom

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    Yer definitely man, they seem to have bought UKHH to a much bigger, and generally a bit more 'pop' crowd (not in a bad way) as well, I guess just because there's a bit more jokes and banter to their stuff then a lot of stuff that would previously have had the heads in the corner nodding away. Sparking a massive resurgence in Hip Hop atm. Fliptrix album was hands down my favourite HH album in a long time, closely followed by Skittles Poor with £100 Trainers.

    Verb T's always been sick in my eyes but HF is definitly a sick move hype/career wise for him. All his old albums an stuff with Ghost/Kashmere is ILL though as well.

    Mowgli's got another album coming as well that should be sick, was some insane tracks on 93.

    By the way, this is a spoof track I did you lot might like under an alias John Ewles (the guy Ebenizer Scrooge was based on haha) taking the piss out of Occupy/Kony/Internet Warriors etc..

    http://www.broken-culture.co.uk/JohnEwles-%20Occupy.mp3
     
  12. EWOKS

    EWOKS POTATOES GONNA POTATE

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    yh mowgli's good .. but his bars are so intricate its hard to get into coz ure thinking wtf? alot ..

    and yh .. the joke rap is okay in moderation, altho it would be a shame to see ukhh as a whole going that way .. cunt rap they are calling it now i believe.. dirty dike and my key made it popular.. it has its place , but there has to be a balance and hiphop needs to stick to its routes abit .. fuck knows what am chating about ..

    i have nearly 800 a4 pages, on microsoft word.. full with bars.. years worth .. and ive not put down a full verse yet.. just random outburts .. i aint happy wit the rap thing but i enjoy writing
     
  13. PhorceOfHabit

    PhorceOfHabit Seldom

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    Haha yer I've always liked that rewind the last bar to try and work it out feeling where you can read into bars yourself as well. This tracks ridiculously good:



    An yer I know what you mean, I like that wanker style on occasion it jokes, and it's good cos like I say it does bring new people into the scene who might come round to the deeper stuff and generally gets a bit of hype about UK Hip Hop, but I'm always gonna be an Extra Sensory Perception kinda head.
     
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  14. dose.bs1

    dose.bs1 THE DADDY

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    op, soundin good man