A man and an old woman (totally unrelated) are sharing a train carriage to Newcastle. After about 15 minutes of the journey, the bloke feels a little peckish, and pulls out a big bag of prawns to nibble on. Soon enough the old dear gets a bit annoyed with him noisily ripping off the shells and chewing up the prawns, so she says to him "I dont mean to be rude sir, but could you please eat them a little quieter", to which he replies "Fuck off you senile bint! Ive paid for my ticket and I'll do what I like on this train". The old womans a bit put out by this, and chooses to just sit back and ignore the rude man. After the last of his prawns are gone, the man screws up the bag and lies down on the seat to have a quick snooze. Alls fine until a moment later, the old lady pulls out her knitting needles, and noisily starts knitting. Angrily, the bloke sits up and says "Excuse me, Im trying to sleep here, can you keep it down a bit?". "Fuck off" the old woman replies smugly "I bought my ticket and I'll do what I like on this train". With this, the old man grabs her knitting needles and throws them out the window! "Right, Im not having that" says the old woman as she tugs on the emergency stop cord. "Ha ha! You silly bitch, your gonna get a £100 fine for that now" the man laughs at her. "Thats nothing mate" the old dear replied "You'll get 8 years when the police smell your fingers!"