My M8 sent me this joke...

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Radius, Jul 14, 2006.

  1. Radius

    Radius Give me back my passport u slags

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    A Fleeing al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties.

    The Arab asked, "Do you have water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

    The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an
    overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water
    first."OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to
    buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
    find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom."

    Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

    Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse. "Your brother won't
    let me in without a tie."


    hmmm 4/10 methinkms
     
  2. Indi

    Indi Tha Original ThreadKilla!

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  3. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    why did michael jackson get in trouble when the ticket man questioned him on the train?

    he got caught with a child...
     
  4. moriaty

    moriaty Active Member

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    a reporter addresses a question to David Becham, at a press conference.
    he replies calmly by saying, "Yes, i rather like them, they make my mouth all fresh and minty."
    and the reporter:
    "NO you cock, i said tActIcs..."



    :mr_cool: :cowbell: :nutkick:
     
  5. Indi

    Indi Tha Original ThreadKilla!

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    What did the Jewish paedophile say to the child?




    "Want to buy some sweets?"
     
  6. mesh

    mesh Active Member

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    An Irishman is going from door to door in a posh neighbourhood, he knocks on the door of a pompous Englishman.

    I: Excuse me sir but could you spare me the price of a cup of tea?

    E: I am sorry my man but I don't belive in free handouts. However I tell you what if you paint the porch for me I'll give you five pounds

    The Irishman agrees and the Englishman gives him a pot of green paint

    E: I'll be round the back with a servant if you need me

    A while later the Irish man goes to find the Englishman having finished the job

    E.(As he hands over the 5 pounds) I trust you made a good job of it

    I: Sure I did, just one thing it wasn't a Porsche it was a Rolls
     
  7. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    i dont get it could you explain this to me?
    its a dry joke right? i dont get it.
     
  8. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    Logikz, are you still alive after the weekend?

    About the joke, it refers to stinginess...
     
  9. mesh

    mesh Active Member

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    Did you hear Sophie Ellis-Bextor has been found headbutted to death on the floor of a football players apartment in France.
    Apparently it was murder on Zidane's floor.




























    :orly:
     
  10. Indi

    Indi Tha Original ThreadKilla!

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    Because Jews are stereotyped as being coveteous (sp?)








    Two snowmen are stood in a field. One turns to the other and says "Can you smell carrots?"


    EDIT: Think this joke may take a while to figure out as well
     
  11. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    i dindnt get that one cos i thought it was tibetan snowmen at first, and with first i mean the first six months after hearing the joke.

    but ok jews are stereotyped as covetous, i know that much, but... hes a paedophile, and he sells sweets to children and thats the joke?

    haha on zidans' floor!!!
     
  12. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    WAIT I JUST GOT IT, A NORMAL PAEDOPHILE WOULDVE GIVEN THE SWEETS AWAY WHERE AS ok i get it haha funny
     
  13. Indi

    Indi Tha Original ThreadKilla!

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    *takes a bow*
     
  14. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    genuis batonaise chinoise verametisse scrumtrelescanse splendivernoisette
     
  15. bbjohnson420

    bbjohnson420 Member

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    A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Next, ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then go ask your brother if he would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

    The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."

    Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
    His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"

    Then he goes to his brothers room and asks him, "Hey bro, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His brother thinks about it and says, "For a million bucks, I suppose I would."

    The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on three millions bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts and a fag."
     
  16. bbjohnson420

    bbjohnson420 Member

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    Here I will bust out the arsenal

    Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?
    A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

    Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
    A. She rolls her own tampons.

    Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
    A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

    Q. What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson?
    A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at 10 years old.

    Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    A. Marry it.

    Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
    A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

    Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
    A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

    Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
    A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at
    thirty miles an hour.

    Q. What do you call a Serbian prostitute?
    A. Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch.



    Q. What do you call a cockroach in a matchbox?
    A. Mexican Tamagotchi.

    Q. Why do women call it PMS?
    A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.



    Q. What's a mixed feeling?
    A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

    Q. What's the height of conceit?
    A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

    Q. What's the definition of macho?
    A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

    Q. How can you tell if your wife is dead?
    A. The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

    Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
    A. The cake jumps out of the girl.

    Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
    A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

    Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
    A. You push it to the side before you start eating.

    Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
    A. You know she'll swallow.

    Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
    A. They don't want to wear out the camel.

    Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife
    A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

    Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
    A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

    Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
    A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

    Q. How can you tell the porno star at the gas station?
    A. Just as the gas starts up the hose, he pulls out the
    nozzle and sprays the gas all over the car.

    Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
    A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not
    time.

    Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
    A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

    Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
    A. Because it's worth it.



    Q. What Do You Call Kids Born In Whorehouses?
    A. Brothel sprouts.
     
  17. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
    A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not
    time.

    AEHAEAEHAEHAEHAEHAEH
     
  18. soundgirl

    soundgirl Queen of the Stupids

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    hmmm...

    :gimp:
     
  19. moriaty

    moriaty Active Member

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    meh...the infamous penis envy strikes again..


    :teeth: :D
     
  20. mesh

    mesh Active Member

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    :uberlaugh: