Limp Dick Man Found With 30 Eyeballs Shoved Up Anus

jmzmaloney

ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS
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#1
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Police saw an El Camino speeding and swerving down 144 S Center Street Thursday night and immediately pulled the car over. During a routine field sobriety test, the officer saw several eyeballs slide from the suspect’s pant leg onto the asphalt.

Feeling they could have a potential murderer on their hands, police quickly drew guns and cuffed Roy Tilbott, 51, of Casper. Tilbott assured police the eyeballs were not human, but instead harvested from cows. Tilbott said he had taken 30 cow eyeballs from Johnson Meats (a slaughterhouse) where he is employed as a meat cutter and smuggled them off the premises in his rectum.

“Company won’t let us take animal scraps home and instead toss them in the landfill,” Tilbott said in the police report. “They’re a very wasteful company. We should be allowed to take scrap meat and other parts home. The company should start a green initiative. They don’t even have recycling at the plant.”

Tilbott explained his actions: “I enjoy eating bovine eyeballs and smuggling them out in my colon was the only way I knew how to get them out without potentially getting caught and fired.”

Tilbott admitted to police that he has been smuggling out eyeballs nearly every day for several months. “I put them in soups,” Tilbott said. “They’re beneficial for erectile dysfunction, which I currently battle, but I also just like the texture and taste.”
 

logikz

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this is very odd. I mean yes, granted, smuggle into arse, this is normal, but bovine eyeballs??? come oooooonnnnnnnn, youre not fooling anyone, theyre not illegal! you don't have to smuggle them into your arse, specially if youre not travelling internationally through airports??

he was spotted cos they were dropping from his pantleg??? pretty clear whats going on there tbh, you aint bullshitting mother$#ker. you should see this girl I been fking, her vag is so small and perfectly beautiful it makes me want to cry when im not within arms length. im going to make her preggers tbh, fuck it, its time to get serious about life.
 

Dannyboy93

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#11
this is very odd. I mean yes, granted, smuggle into arse, this is normal, but bovine eyeballs??? come oooooonnnnnnnn, youre not fooling anyone, theyre not illegal! you don't have to smuggle them into your arse, specially if youre not travelling internationally through airports??

he was spotted cos they were dropping from his pantleg??? pretty clear whats going on there tbh, you aint bullshitting mother$#ker. you should see this girl I been fking, her vag is so small and perfectly beautiful it makes me want to cry when im not within arms length. im going to make her preggers tbh, fuck it, its time to get serious about life.
yeah karl init, no need to plug that shit, not like he Egypt Stefan who plugs it to get through borders THEN STEALS YOUR FUCKING DRUGS!!!!

also good to hear you getting some good puss bro, crush that shit, crush it hard, live by the sword, die by the motto, drink good, smoke bone, crush puss, these are the rules of men!
 

logikz

I Am Not The King
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#13
YOU KNOW IT BODO

I JUST JERKED OFF IN THE BOGS IN THE SEEDIEST BAR IN THE ENTIRE THIS PART OF THE HEMISPHERE OR WHATEVER THE FK

I DONT SPEAK DORKANESE FKING PLANETS AND SHIT WHAT YOU THINK THIS IS, POSTER ISSUE OF BON JOBI OR SOME FKING SHIT

YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH
 
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