Latvian Jokes

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by YOUNG TUNA, Feb 16, 2009.

  1. YOUNG TUNA

    YOUNG TUNA IT'S ME BITCHES

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2006
    Messages:
    3,416
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Helsinki
    www.chrisconnollyonline.com/2009/02/72-is-partial-compendium-latvian-humor.html

    Joke:
    Latvian: Is so cold.
    All: How cold is?
    Latvian: Very. Also dark.

    Joke:
    Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.

    Joke:
    Janis: I hope my son does not die during night.
    Guntis: What is "hope"?
    Janis: Yes. I know what you say.
    Guntis: No. I am serious. What is hope?
    Janis: In truth, I do not know.

    Joke:
    Questioning: Why did chicken cross road?
    Answering: I have not seen chicken since I was very young, on my parents' farm. This is before the Cossacks slaughtered them. I can still hear screams of sister as soldiers rape her. But back to question, where did you see chicken? I am very, very hungry.

    Joke:
    Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.

    Joke:
    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Latvian.
    Latvian who?
    Please open door. Is cold.

    Joke:
    Latvian walk into bar with pig on shoulder. Bartender say, “That look delicious!” But pig say, “No. Is Latvian. Taste is similar to dog.”

    Joke:
    Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, “Why so long face?” Latvian say, “I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby. “

    Joke:
    Is dead dog in road. Is dead Latvian in road. What difference?
    Dog have fur keep warm. Also, freedom. And dog try eat poop for pleasure not just survive. So many thing!

    Joke:
    Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.

    Joke:
    What are one potato say other potato?
    Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

    Joke:
    How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
    25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.

    Joke:
    Latvian is capture by cannibals. Cannibals say, “We are kill you and eat you and use skin for canoe. But you may choose means of your death.” Latvian say, “Okay! You are give me fork, please!” But oops! Is forgot how use!

    Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.

    Q: what is happening if you cross Latvian and potato?
    A: this is cruel joke. please, no more.

    Joke:
    Why is Latvian throw clock out window? Will be no appointments anymore, only endure til death.

    Joke:
    Man is wait bread line. Wait until starve. Is very funny, yes!


    Latvian Nursery rhyme..:

    one potato, one potao, one potato, no more potato..
    soldier eat potato and rape daughter..is end.
     
    justin_credible and Harry3 like this.
  2. KEMZ

    KEMZ Blatant Royal Status

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    1,249
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    lmao @ the last one
     
  3. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,547
    Likes Received:
    2,521
    Location:
    www.easternpromiseaudio.com
    EHEAHEAHEAHEAEHA
     
  4. Fes Rock

    Fes Rock Nothing..........

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2005
    Messages:
    15,258
    Likes Received:
    138
    Location:
    U WOT M8?
  5. chanty

    chanty Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2008
    Messages:
    2,146
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Bristol
    the last one is a thriller
     
  6. DJ NUERA

    DJ NUERA 5HEAD

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2008
    Messages:
    6,531
    Likes Received:
    168
    Location:
    CRANIUM
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, they are awesome! (y)
     
  7. DJ NUERA

    DJ NUERA 5HEAD

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2008
    Messages:
    6,531
    Likes Received:
    168
    Location:
    CRANIUM
  8. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,547
    Likes Received:
    2,521
    Location:
    www.easternpromiseaudio.com
    it certainly does, i love these. tough to pull off in the bar though, can do one or two max. got to get the voice right.
     
  9. _MILLA

    _MILLA Flamboyant muthafucka

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2009
    Messages:
    1,227
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Abergavenny / Cardiff
    hahahaha.... last one is class!
     
  10. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    16,330
    Likes Received:
    2,088
    :lol: awesome



    How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
    Only one. Obtain light bulb is hard part. You have potato?
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2012
  11. dnbkingz

    dnbkingz bollocks

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    4,766
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    Somewhere
    :lol:
     
  12. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    16,330
    Likes Received:
    2,088
    Latvian man go to doctor. 'Doctor doctor I have tumor growth in brain'. But Doctor dead due to poor health care infrastructure and no money for potato. Also man's tumor inoperable.


    :uberlaugh
     
  13. $pyto

    $pyto Soundcloud changed everything

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2008
    Messages:
    5,001
    Likes Received:
    223
    Location:
    South-East London
    Latvian man hear knock at door. "Who is it?" ask man.
    "Is Potato Man. Am delivering free potatoes door-to-door" say voice.
    Man rejoice. "Oh! Such a blessing! This must be wonderful dream!"
    Latvian open door, man say "just kidding. Is Secret Police."
     
    Shatner's Bosom likes this.
  14. rob_del_terror

    rob_del_terror - ̿ ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    Messages:
    4,039
    Likes Received:
    119
    Location:
    Blackpool, United Kingdom
    definitely just posted this site on my latvian friends facebook wall.
     
  15. justin_credible

    justin_credible Lurker

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2008
    Messages:
    1,496
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    cambridge
    please accept bellated rep.......is end
     
  16. Shatner's Bosom

    Shatner's Bosom murder TANMUSHIMUSHI

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2012
    Messages:
    4,833
    Likes Received:
    1,142
    Location:
    Hummus
    Two latvian look at clouds. One see potato. Other see impossible dream. Is same cloud.
     
    jungle_fever likes this.
  17. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    16,330
    Likes Received:
    2,088
    Latvian read joke. is about him. find funny but cannot laugh. tongue cut out in Gulag. also wife dead.
     
    Shatner's Bosom likes this.
  18. jungle_fever

    jungle_fever Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2009
    Messages:
    1,898
    Likes Received:
    360
    Location:
    A, A
    One of the biggest bumps of all time. Literally pissed myself laughing at college and I couldn't tell them why without sounding like a prick
     
  19. rob_del_terror

    rob_del_terror - ̿ ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    Messages:
    4,039
    Likes Received:
    119
    Location:
    Blackpool, United Kingdom
    I've got a latvian mate. these jokes come up on a weekly basis. he was telling us about when he had to go to court for pissing in the street in latvia, i asked him what he was fined. he said some potatos and his sister. hahaha
     
    ONSLAUGHT88 likes this.
  20. rob_del_terror

    rob_del_terror - ̿ ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    Messages:
    4,039
    Likes Received:
    119
    Location:
    Blackpool, United Kingdom