Latest News From My Village

jmzmaloney

ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS
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#1
A man has been found dead in a car in the car park of a supermarket in Berkshire.
Police were called to the Waitrose store in Twyford, Reading, at about 0750 BST where officers discovered the body of a 45-year-old man.
The death is being treated as unexplained but it is not thought to be suspicious.
The store had to remain shut on Sunday morning and part of the car park was cordoned off by investigators.
Chris Thompson, who came across the scene, told BBC News: "This is usually a very quiet area so it was a shock to see the police who had put up a big screen and tape everywhere."
His head was lying in the car park. Police thought somebody had chopped it off. Turns out he tied a noose round his head attached to a tree and drove off at top speed.
 

jmzmaloney

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#3
For some reason I have the picture in my head of him throwing the loose end of a scarf over his shoulder before he put his foot down.
 

Radius

Its all a scam so start stealing
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#6
Otehr news in the area is a bare knuckle bout meant to sort out a ongoing beef between two travellers ended up in not so queensbury fashion when one of the pikey knuckleheads brought a shotgun to the proceedings
 

Hombre-J

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#8
What I'd do if I was gonna commit an uber suicide is:

TIe a wire round my neck, then the wire to a pole at the top of a building. Then I'd glue my right hand to the top of my head/hair, and jump off the building.

This way, the wire would cut off my head as a jumped, and I'd be left of the ground holding my own head, as if I'd pulled it off. Boom!
 

jmzmaloney

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#12
Earlier this week a man shot his wife for having an affair, strangely this happened down Malone Road. Then went to Twyford Train Station at 9am peak hour, lots of Pensioners and ladi das waiting to go to Henley Regatta, and stood in front of an Intercity. You can say bad things about Reading but we know how to go out with a bang.
 

spiderfran286

"Yes, squid pro roe..."
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#13
Earlier this week a man shot his wife for having an affair, strangely this happened down Malone Road. Then went to Twyford Train Station at 9am peak hour, lots of Pensioners and ladi das waiting to go to Henley Regatta, and stood in front of an Intercity. You can say bad things about Reading but we know how to go out with a bang.
when i was younger my dad used to show me the cracks in the concrete slabs at the bottom of the tower blocks when he took me on his post round. he used to say "you know why there is a huge crack out of that slab dont you? its where someone has jumped and smashed into the floor" best piece of information i ever was told as a child......
 

Osime

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#17
What I'd do if I was gonna commit an uber suicide is:

TIe a wire round my neck, then the wire to a pole at the top of a building. Then I'd glue my right hand to the top of my head/hair, and jump off the building.

This way, the wire would cut off my head as a jumped, and I'd be left of the ground holding my own head, as if I'd pulled it off. Boom!
I would personally:

Get a job at the local titty bar you know the kind with the jizz booths? I would take a job as jizz-mopper and nick my hands everyday before work and never use a towel for mopping, that way I would contract AIDS and die very slowly. Police think it's me being a whore and I get off with a suicide leaving my fam some mad money... in debt.
 

$marty

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#18
My mate Chewit wrote this article.

Bushey could soon be the unlikely location of a government x-file as residents reported several UFO sightings in the past month.

Jackie Noise says she was “really freaked” when she and her husband spotted a UFO for the second night in a row floating above Pasture Close this week.

She filmed a bright, flashing light in the sky, at about 11.15pm on Wednesday, June 30, and says it was a “really strange” experience.

She said: “It was a ball of light travelling in a straight line. To the naked eye it appeared white, but when I zoomed in it was changing colours – red, white, blue, yellow.”

On Friday, June 11, two more sightings in Bushey were reported at www.uk-ufo.co.uk by an unnamed resident.

They said: “I could see three objects in a line formation. The upper one was shining with white light, the second and third objects were shining in red and were situated beneath the whitish one.

For seven to ten minutes all the formation was stationary.

“Ten minutes before this sighting, my wife was observing a single, whitish, fast, dot-like object moving upwards. The movement was chaotic and without pattern.”
SOURCE
 

jmzmaloney

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#19
Man thats crazy. But I would put it down to Russian spies, that or Colombian Drug Cartels their sophistication has no boundaries anymore.

Plus Jackie Noise, what a name.
 

Osime

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#20
I've seen some strange things in dreams before. Like motherships landing in my town and just releasing a gross of alien soldiers. They don't fight they just hold peace and they don't really say anything, they just look at you and their alien eyes are like, "Hey, we're from the ISF (Intergalactic Space Federation) we are stopping you guys from messing things up further."

As for real UFO stuff, that's crazy stuff.
 
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