Latest News From My Village

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by jmzmaloney, May 23, 2010.

  1. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    His head was lying in the car park. Police thought somebody had chopped it off. Turns out he tied a noose round his head attached to a tree and drove off at top speed.
     
  2. ali^

    ali^ Bigtingsagwarn

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    what a creative way to finish it off
     
  3. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    For some reason I have the picture in my head of him throwing the loose end of a scarf over his shoulder before he put his foot down.
     
  4. Scatcat

    Scatcat It don't mean shit

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    wow...that's pretty fucked up, what supermarket was it?
     
  5. PostmanPat

    PostmanPat I'll cum in your arse.

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    says Waitrose.

    thats a quality way to die though.
     
  6. Radius

    Radius Give me back my passport u slags

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    Otehr news in the area is a bare knuckle bout meant to sort out a ongoing beef between two travellers ended up in not so queensbury fashion when one of the pikey knuckleheads brought a shotgun to the proceedings
     
  7. Thin and crispy

    Thin and crispy Active Member

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    well, i was gonna post something from my town, but apparently the last thing that happened deemed news worth was back in january of last year.
     
  8. Hombre-J

    Hombre-J Currently Ballsacked

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    What I'd do if I was gonna commit an uber suicide is:

    TIe a wire round my neck, then the wire to a pole at the top of a building. Then I'd glue my right hand to the top of my head/hair, and jump off the building.

    This way, the wire would cut off my head as a jumped, and I'd be left of the ground holding my own head, as if I'd pulled it off. Boom!
     
  9. richie_stix

    richie_stix gomby plz

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  10. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    I hope he got a bit rapey with some local tracksuited teeneagers 1st.
     
  11. DontLikeCops

    DontLikeCops Certified tramp

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    woulda been funny if it failed n he only got friction burn on his neck n community service for pullin the tree over
     
  12. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    Earlier this week a man shot his wife for having an affair, strangely this happened down Malone Road. Then went to Twyford Train Station at 9am peak hour, lots of Pensioners and ladi das waiting to go to Henley Regatta, and stood in front of an Intercity. You can say bad things about Reading but we know how to go out with a bang.
     
  13. spiderfran286

    spiderfran286 "Yes, squid pro roe..."

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    when i was younger my dad used to show me the cracks in the concrete slabs at the bottom of the tower blocks when he took me on his post round. he used to say "you know why there is a huge crack out of that slab dont you? its where someone has jumped and smashed into the floor" best piece of information i ever was told as a child......
     
  14. Sweaty Teddy

    Sweaty Teddy Nob'ed

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  15. Olllie

    Olllie Bom Bom Cloud

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  16. Scatcat

    Scatcat It don't mean shit

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  17. Osime

    Osime Official Japanese Student

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    I would personally:

    Get a job at the local titty bar you know the kind with the jizz booths? I would take a job as jizz-mopper and nick my hands everyday before work and never use a towel for mopping, that way I would contract AIDS and die very slowly. Police think it's me being a whore and I get off with a suicide leaving my fam some mad money... in debt.
     
  18. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    My mate Chewit wrote this article.

    SOURCE
     
  19. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    Man thats crazy. But I would put it down to Russian spies, that or Colombian Drug Cartels their sophistication has no boundaries anymore.

    Plus Jackie Noise, what a name.
     
  20. Osime

    Osime Official Japanese Student

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    I've seen some strange things in dreams before. Like motherships landing in my town and just releasing a gross of alien soldiers. They don't fight they just hold peace and they don't really say anything, they just look at you and their alien eyes are like, "Hey, we're from the ISF (Intergalactic Space Federation) we are stopping you guys from messing things up further."

    As for real UFO stuff, that's crazy stuff.