Jokes....

hyperd4eva

H&M SCARVES
VIP Junglist
Messages
7,636
Likes
550
#1
Please supply jokes for the pub here....

i shal start....

Why does Micheal Barrymore not have ash trays in his house??

-- Because he leaves all his fags in the pool!
 

wobbie

Echidna
VIP Junglist
Messages
1,823
Likes
4
#5
Girl says to a guy -
'Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?'

Guy says

'Both love, you're about to get raped'
 
Messages
43
Likes
0
#7
So there's a great actor but he keeps forgetting his lines but a broadway director decides to give him a chance. All he has to do is walk on stage, hold a rose in his thumb and forefinger, raise it to his nose and say 'ah the sweet aroma of my mistress.
So the big day comes, he goes out and delivers the line and the whole theatre erupts into laughter. As he walks off stage, the director is fuming and says 'what have you done, you've ruined me'
The actor, puzzled, replies 'what? I delivered the line perfectly'
'Yeah but you forgot the rose!'
 

REGO

DRUM&BASS4LIFE
Messages
155
Likes
0
#8
A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a toothpick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp leaves.

A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.

There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."

"No, a straw," says the Tramp.

The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.

To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already". :clown:
 

JunglelisticG

I ♥ Drum'N'Bass
VIP Junglist
Messages
637
Likes
5
#9
Two mates havin a beer
One says to the other, if I go to ur house shag ur misses and she gets pregnant does that make us related?:rolleyes:

Mate replies..

Dunno, but it would make us even :lol:
 

sotalex

man your battlestations
Messages
401
Likes
0
#11
don't know of this is a repost but it made me laugh

how many junglists does it take to change a lightbulb?
50
1 to actually change the lightbulb and 49 to moan about how the original was better
 
Top