jokes

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by apples, Nov 27, 2006.

  1. apples

    apples WINNER is back ;)

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    A family is at the dinner table.

    The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are
    there?
    The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds
    of breasts.
    In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and
    firm. In her
    thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging
    a bit.
    After fifty, they are like onions."
    Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

    This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said,
    "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
    The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases - each like a different type of tree. In his
    twenties, he is
    like an oak tree, mighty and
    hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
    "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls
    are for decoration."
     
  2. Dj_Fozzybear

    Dj_Fozzybear Greenpiece Records

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    hehehehehehe classic!!!!
    I like that one Apples hehehehe
    Heres one for ya...............


    A guy decides to have a fancy dress party for his birthday and he is trying to think of a theme for it when he comes across the ides for an Emotions party..........
    He sends out the invites and waits for the people to arrive and shortly he gets a knock at the door......
    He opens the door to find a bloke stood there completely naked and covered head to toe in green paint........
    He says, "Ez mate its not that sorts party...... jog on"
    The guy says, "Na mate i'm Green with Envy" and so he lets him in..........
    The door knocks again and the host opens it to find a bloke stood in a tutu with a feather duster............
    He says again, "I dunno who told you this was a fetish party but stroll on mate yeah."
    The tutu guy goes, "Na Man, I am Tickled Pink!" and gets let in...............

    So the party in going well and another knock comes from the door.........the host opens it to find two rastas stood there completely naked, one with his dick in a bowl of custard and the other with a massive boner and a pear shoved on the end.......................
    The host loses it this time and he says, "Would all you twisted motherfuckers who think this is a fetish sex party just fuck off PLEASE!!!"

    The rasta calmly replies to him ," Na man, take it easy now, I am fucking dis'custard and me mate has come in dis'pear"

    ;)
     
  3. Dj_Fozzybear

    Dj_Fozzybear Greenpiece Records

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    Oh yeah and.............

    Who was the first person to fuck an Australian and bring back the Ashes?

    Paula Yates

    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo................ :zest:
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2006
  4. sirGUNZ

    sirGUNZ Bassline Buddy

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    j0ke f0r u lot!

    what have gary glitter and father xmas got in commen?

    they b0th go into a kids room and leave with a empty sack!!
     
  5. mesh

    mesh Active Member

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    haha!

    What do hillbillies do at Halloween?

    Pump kin.
     
  6. 1992

    1992 Novantadue

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    Almost didn't get that one at first. Some nice jokes here. I'm afraid I'm not good at them myself.
     
  7. mesh

    mesh Active Member

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    :rofl: that one still doing the rounds, it is a classic and has to be told right.
     
  8. RAZE

    RAZE Member

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    One of my faves:

    A bloke and his new missus are taking a walk in a park when she turns round and says "I really need a piss". So he looks round.."well there's no toilets about, why don't you go behind a bush?".
    Off she goes and as he waits he can hear her fumbling with her tights & knickers. This turns him on so he sticks his hand throught the bush and strokes her leg. "ooooh, that's nice, higher" she moans. So higher he goes much to her delight. "mmmmm, higher baby". Higher he goes until he thinks "fuck it, i'm going to the top". Up his hand goes until he gets hold of this long appendage between her legs, "aaargh, you're a fucking man!!!" he shouts. "no, i changed my mind and i'm having a shit instead"

    Boom, boom.
     
  9. apples

    apples WINNER is back ;)

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    haaaaaaaaaaaaa :uberlaugh :piss: :resick: