Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Presty On Tour, Sep 27, 2008.

  1. Presty On Tour

    Presty On Tour Member

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    I'll start with a few....

    I remember when my grandad went into a retirement home, very sad. I rang up my gran and asked how he was doing.

    "Oh, he's like a fish out of water."

    "Is he finding it hard to adjust then?"

    "No, he's dead."

    ..........................................

    A man walks into a petrol station and says

    "Can I please have a kitkat chunky?"

    The lady behind the till gets him a kitkat chunky and brings it back to him.

    "No" says the man. "I wanted a normal kitkat you fat bitch"

    ..........................................

    Little MARK goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

    MARK says 'Mas-tur-bate.'

    Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little MARK, that's a mouthful.'

    Little MARK says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

    ...........................................

    Did you hear about the Irish tap dancer?

    He fell into the sink and broke his ankle!
     
  2. justino

    justino New Member

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    i dont get this one??
     
  3. sam the dnb man

    sam the dnb man Variation

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    word.
    --------------------------------------------------------
    a guy walked into a bar....ouch
     
  4. MARKLAR

    MARKLAR International Tracksuit Salesman

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    that 1s quality!lol
     
  5. SLow

    SLow Quadrospazzed life-glug

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    Irish people are stereotypically stupid, this guy took his job title literally and was dancing on a tap....here's one you might get:

    Why did the small girl fall off the swing?

    Cos she had no arms.
     
  6. NastyLimbCheat

    NastyLimbCheat Active Member

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    how do you make a dead baby float?

    take your foot off its head
     
  7. MARKLAR

    MARKLAR International Tracksuit Salesman

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    hey im irish shut up!lol
     
  8. Presty On Tour

    Presty On Tour Member

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    Why Is The Head Larger Than The Shaft?

    In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the
    head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year
    and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger
    than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

    After the US published the study, France decided to do their own
    study. After $250,000, and 3 years of research, they concluded
    that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

    Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own
    study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded
    that it was to keep man's hand from flying off and hitting him in
    the forehead.
     
  9. sam the dnb man

    sam the dnb man Variation

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    what u call a rice krispy cake with a gun?

    Serial killa!
     
  10. Reference

    Reference fair shout.

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    A bloke takes his mates back to see his new flat, for a few more beers.

    One of the boys asks him "What's the big brass gong for?"

    The host says: "It's my speaking clock"

    "How does it work?"

    "I'll show you" and he hits it full pelt with a club hammer!

    And a voice from next door yells "FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU CUNT, IT'S TWENTY TO THREE IN THE IN THE MORNING!"
     
  11. Griftah

    Griftah Member

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    What's the connection between a fat woman and a moped?
    They're both great to ride unless your mates see you on on!

    :rolf:

    One that made me laugh
     
  12. Presty On Tour

    Presty On Tour Member

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    I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...

    "Oi, what's your disability?"

    I said "Tourettes! Now fuck off you tosser"
     
  13. philski

    philski smoke weed everyday

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    Got a new stereo today, its voice activated.
    when i shout "country" it plays Dolly Parton.
    when i shout "rock n roll" it plays guns and roses.
    I was drivin through town town the other day and some little cunts ran out in front of me so i shouted out the window "fucking kids" and it played Garry Glitter
     
  14. NastyLimbCheat

    NastyLimbCheat Active Member

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    police today found a body in the burnt out mansion and have confirmed it is cold, well you wouldn't want a warm fosters would ya?
     
  15. sam the dnb man

    sam the dnb man Variation

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    lol:gang_bang
     
  16. gcurt1s

    gcurt1s Buried Audio

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    whos the opposite of christopher reeve?


    Christopher walken
     
  17. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    ^^ Hahaha, that's cold.
     
  18. Blurr

    Blurr Wasted Selection

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    they are making a film about Harold Shipman...

    It's called "The Old Deer Hunter"!
     
  19. sam the dnb man

    sam the dnb man Variation

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    boom boom boom boom boom boom ...beefy!
     
  20. philski

    philski smoke weed everyday

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    a pile of warm poo and a hair peice walk into a pub,
    asked the bartender for two pints of lager,
    bartender says "no" they ask "why"
    bartender says "cos your steaming and your off your head"