Job Interview HAAAAALP!

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by rysk, Jun 1, 2011.

  1. rysk

    rysk Part-time waster

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    right, so at 11am I've got a job interview at maccy D's, i don't particularly want to work there, but i really need a job asap, an so far it's my only option...anyway, I have no previous work experience, and a few crappy GCSE's, I have a rough idea of the questions they're gonna ask and just can't seem to think of any good answers.

    if i was to answer 100% truthfully this is how the interview would go
    tell us a little about yourself?
    I'm known to be stupidly lazy, fail to comprehend simple instructions, you probably won't see me in work til about 2pm and i'll probably fuck off at about 3pm, i seem to have an inability to smile, I hate 99.99999999% of people and things, I despise mcdonalds and everything they stand for, along with the vast majority of global corprorations, i have no previous work experience and basically flunked school for the last 10 years and got kicked out of 6th form for never going. don't be fooled by the suit, i normally look like i've been dragged through a building site at 120mph. Oh and i think you're a cunt who knows everyone bullshits in their interviews but still awards the job to the man with the best bullshit.

    why do you want to work at mcdonalds?
    I don't, i just need to make some paper. The same goes for every fucking employee, no one WANTS to work at mcdonalds, and most of them hate it...the only perk is the free food, and it tastes like arse anyway.

    is there anything you wouldn't like about working for mcdonalds?
    yeah pretty much everything, it's a shitty job and no one wants it, but it pays the bills...well maybe not, due to your shitty pay rate. I'd really rather not slave my arse off for the hurrenously rude population of hemel hempstead.

    what can you bring to the company?
    my lunch.


    it's safe to say, i wouldn't get the job with these answers, what would you reccomend?

    and heres a very relevant hip-hop tune bought to you by the talents of dr.syntax
     
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  2. 3rd degree

    3rd degree Paedo

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    They may ask you what your strengths and weaknesses are, so be ready with some (reasonably) truthful answers. Tell them about your GCSEs, no matter how poop the grades were and, if you can, think of any hobbies/sports you partake in that might be even slightly relevant (you like rugby so you're a 'team player' etc.) Obviously they're not expecting Einstein, it's McDonald's. Just be polite and fairly honest. If you need the job to make money, then say that that's the primary reason (it's everyone's primary reason) but then sugar coat it by saying that you like interacting with members of the public or some such bullshit. I'm sure they'll be glad of someone who has English for a first language!

    Fucking hell, that sounded like useful advice. That doesn't happen often. I'll be sure to tell you to fuck off next time.
     
  3. rysk

    rysk Part-time waster

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    noted ;) cheers for that dude, might actually help, as far as hobbies go...does sitting on my arse watching films count?
     
  4. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    good luck big man. i thought you were joking when you said mcdonalds. shouldnt be too difficult, they were employer of the year here in holland, last year. i suspect that award is by mcdonalds
     
  5. 3rd degree

    3rd degree Paedo

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    I suppose so. Just say you enjoy films. But you just bought some decks right? You're teaching yourself to mix music. You enjoy learning new skills and have a foreward thinking attitude. (y)
     
  6. Gumby

    Gumby New Member

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    mate based on what you've written, you are the same as every other employee at maccas. i think you'll fit in just fine.

    i mean, if you went there and told them it was your dream career, you'll always rock up on time and never give free food to your mates, they'd think you were taking the piss.

    ---------- Post added at 15:56 ---------- Previous post was at 15:54 ----------

    sif you wouldnt eat their burgers!!
     
  7. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    employment interviews ive found are a competition, who can oversell their product the most. you say youre the most qualified refined educated well adjusted healthy social affable normal and utmost best at being who they want you to be, they say theyre a dream come true with all the opportunity you could ever want, the stellar money, women, yatch, sports car, the 80s wallstreet, you shake on it and get your bucket, mop, and overalls, and get cracking on concert bogs clean up duty.
     
  8. rysk

    rysk Part-time waster

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    Interview went stupidly well, the woman interviewing me said i'm more than likely gonna get the job. Compared to the last interview i had (where i froze up and walked out) i'm chuffed at how it went, feel proper dapper in my suit too
     
  9. groelle

    groelle Well-Known Member

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    lol. going to maccys in a suit xD :D
     
  10. Acid_Alli

    Acid_Alli aka The Executioner

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    Oh that was what the suit was for... cool suit bro
     
  11. groelle

    groelle Well-Known Member

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    gratz anyways tho :)
     
  12. ThePapa

    ThePapa Suffragette City..

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    I would say well done but I'd be lying. Just stay there long enough to get a decent reference and then register with an agency. I would seriously play up your computer skills and apply for every single office junior job going!

    If you understood the class system a bit you'd realise it's your only hope...
     
  13. Goosey_J

    Goosey_J IGNORE ME

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    Dear sweet innocent armed, how much the world still has to show you.

    Seriously man, stop getting fucked up all the time and go back to college. You'll thank me for that advice one day.
     
  14. 3rd degree

    3rd degree Paedo

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    Well done anyway
     
  15. charlie131

    charlie131 Well-Known Member

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    I just went for an interview today at Winkworth (estate agency) and i was saying shit like my worst negative is that I get really fustrated that i have to complete every task in hand and even if i have to stay late after work to do so than so be it...

    Basically just look like a team playa and show off your people skills and you'll do fine.. and just lie on your cv to make yourself look better.... But remember if you lie on your cv you have to come up with a credible back story and also remember what you lied about for instance if you put down your were the captain of the football team at school and that gave you the basis fo your leadership skills etc. and then they ask you about and your like "wtf i dont even like football" you'll look like a dick and wont get hired
     
  16. rysk

    rysk Part-time waster

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    safe dudes, lol yeah, i do wanna try and get some more learnin's at some point, but for now, i just wanna get out and earning some cash, i'll probably hate my job at mcd's but hey, it pays, and yeah, it's experience under my belt, even if every employer snarls at the fact it's maccy d's.
     
  17. Harry3

    Harry3 Chuki

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    I fucking hate job interviews, its all such an act. Especially when its such a bullshit job like sainsburys or McD's. "Why do you want to work for us?", for fucking money of course, why else? But youre meant to come up with a full blown script that isnt at all representative of your actual character.
     
  18. charlie131

    charlie131 Well-Known Member

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    worse one is where do you see yourself in 5 years? I'm always tempted to turn round and blurt out FIRING YOU!! haha
     
  19. Harry3

    Harry3 Chuki

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    Im tempted to add all the typical job interview questions on my CV with all the answers. Just so we can bypass all that bullshit.
     
  20. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    if i went for a job interview at maccas, i'd pretend to take a call from burger king halfway thru the interview, and somehow blag it that way, u get mah drift....:pimp:

    on another note my boss is gunna sponsor me for residency in australia after only 3 weeks of working for him! coos im fuckin badass at my job (y)