I think it sounds really generic, cheesy and predictable, the intro is too drawn-out, the b-line is really weak, the drums need mixing, the melodic elements are static and there's little progression beyond "something comes in on the one and stays around for 16 bars and then disappears again".
A and B this with some of your favourite tunes, see what elements are used in your all time favs that make them interesting, exciting and captivating.