OK, like the ideea, plenty of energy, and like teh Quake sample.
BUT intro would be hard to mix, with out some sort of measure. No beats means this is harder for a dj to use, and that is teh whole point of making DnB.
Snares sound like too much tops...need more mids..also try not to sound like a drum machine unles this was teh idea, in which case you acheived it.
Shows promise , but work on structure & mixdown.
There you said be critical .