If you ruled drum and bass...

Discussion in 'Drum & Bass' started by JimJapBap, Dec 6, 2004.

  1. JimJapBap

    JimJapBap Member

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    Alright so everyone's got their own opinion on the scene and want to see whoever do whatever or wish artist a would stop copying artist b etc. So if you some how were "king" of all the producers/djs/promoters/mcs etc. and they'd actually do what you told them to, what would you say?
    I'd probably give these commands:

    -All the big name Djs and Mcs have to take aptitude tests of some sort. So all the annoying Mcs that don't shut up or big name producers that can't mix worth shit don't make you feel like you've wasted your money.

    -High Contrast and Calibre would have to make an LP together

    -There would be Valve sound systems in every venue

    -More drumfunk from everyone

    -Labels would release their stuff earlier *cough*cough* metalheadz *cough*

    and....

    -Jim Heist would release all his tunes 8) <--- heard that Wot U Know remix and went nuts!!!
     
  2. Jibba

    Jibba Member

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    Ok so i stole this from DNBA (cheers sinster dexter) but i reckon its quite funny and apt to boot.

    I'd initiate the MC ten commandments...

    thou shalt not chat over the mix
    thou chats shalt not be mostly made up of useless biddibidbididbid shite
    thou shalt not talk about thineself in the third person, nor shalt thou add "The" as a prefix to thine own name. it makes thou sound like a downsyndrome.
    thou shalt not mumble, nor shalt thou dribble pon the mic.
    thou shalt not chat over the lyrics to a tune.
    thou shalt not imagine that all the ravers are more interested in you than the tunes.
    thou shalt not wear clothing with thine own name crassly splayed across the front.
    thou shalt not impersonate a parrot, nor any other of gods creatures.
    thou shalt write new lyrics, having the same chats for the past 5 years makes thou a complete tart.
    thou shalt not call every single DJ "Brockie", irregardless of how much you like saying his name.
    thou must love the music
    thou shalt respect the DJ and the ravers, in return they shalt respect you.
    thou shalt not spend all thine money on crack.

    :razz:
     
  3. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    I'd make 10 years in the scene compulsory retirement age.

    Oops, there go 90% of the djs and producers... My bad.

    :razz:
     
  4. mesh

    mesh Active Member

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    haha you're an old bastard too doesnt that rule you out?
     
  5. hippo

    hippo Member

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    Force all DJ's to attend events from the start to avoid tune repitition. Give all MC's permanent sore throats so you can hear some of the music, and introduce naked female dancers at every rave. That'll do for now.
     
  6. HEIST

    HEIST Member

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    :dutty:
     
  7. Twisted Murderer

    Twisted Murderer Den Tammen Belg

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    Sorry to late.....

    [​IMG]

    ..... Breakneck already have it
     
  8. mesh

    mesh Active Member

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    I would --->

    - make all sets 1 and 1/2 hours long. I think DJs can develop a better flow this way, and its more fun for everyone!

    - book one newcomer DJ per party. C'mon, they are everywhere and people want to support the good ones. Solicit mix-tapes if none are forthcoming. Don't book your mates if they are cack :weakest:

    - let DJ control or dictate microphone volume and use. No explanation needed.

    - no dress-code of any kind. What is this, fucking sunday school? I don't care about scallies or chavs or whatever you wanna call them, if the scene was sorted in other ways a dress code would be unnecessary. I don't want anyone ejected from this scene because of their dress or their apparent income-status, only their behaviour. Thats just me though, in an ideal world.

    - turf out anyone who sits down on or near the dancefloor. :gimp: What is WITH that Melbourne?

    - hire hackers to code a worm to take out 90% of the dance music forums on the internet, permanently. :cry: Wait a minute, they'll all come here ... okay forget that one, lets try this -

    - make people who like to talk complete arrogant shit on the internet actually meet each other face-to-face and fight to the death with angle-grinders as added entertainment for parties

    - any guys hassling women get tied to the speaker stack and hosed down with Red Bull and Congolese soldier ants. More entertainment.

    :rofl:

    - no crystal meth allowed. wankers.

    - MORE QUALITY DRUMFUNK !! yes yes, well said mate. Thats all I'll demand from the music itself.

    - making DJs present for a large chunk of the night so they don't play already-played tunes is a fantastic idea. I have had this happen at parties I've played and it is fucking irritating. If its not worth your while to roll up early and sus the vibe then I don't want to hear you. Especially when you drop a big new tune and look around expecting a reaction, not realising it has been played 20 minutes beforehand. No, you are not the only person with that tune.

    - overall, try to foster a scene where people can get over the 'junglist soldier' fantasy. I feel people need to realise that accessible music does not lack credibility, acting cold does not make you hard, and you are not essentially cooler than other people because you listen to drum'n'bass. This music scene is constrained by notions of elite masculinity :slick:


    goddamn, what a high horse to get down off!

    I'm gonna piss off back to Perth for a bit and get some serious relaxing done. ez all.
    :respekt:
     
  9. serendipity

    serendipity *****

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    :applause: (y) :ditto:

    well said mesh!!
    and :spliff: should be allowed in all :rave:
     
  10. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    I'd count from the age I started djing... still got a lot of time left.

    BTW Its randy old bastard as the mum of an 18 year girl called me.
     
  11. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    1 1/2 hrs minimum - make that 2.

    More quality drumfunk YES!

    But let the kiddies play junglist soldiers - its either that or being a candy raver. If you're a wanker, you're a wanker, regardless of cargo pants and a hoodie with a sniper on it.

    Got another rule - DANCE MFs! You must be on the floor for 40% of total quality tune play time.
     
  12. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    She ain't showing it! (and good)

    That gives me an idea though... put 1 girl in for every guy and 1 guy for every girl in the scene.
     
  13. Twisted Murderer

    Twisted Murderer Den Tammen Belg

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    Plz let it be Polish girls :razz:
     
  14. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    You are so right.

    Slim, intelligent, not bitchy. We've got it too good. And if you go further east it gets even better. Shit, I don't bother myself with girls that are not 'model' quality. And I'm a short ugly bastard.

    London is full of handsome junglist Tarzans. The girls on the other hand look like Cheetahs (as in Tarzan's monkey).
     
  15. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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  16. Twisted Murderer

    Twisted Murderer Den Tammen Belg

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    Hmmz not bad Dustek :cool:
     
  17. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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  18. lokki

    lokki JUNGLIST FROM DEYA

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    i would make everytune goi through a high standard of quality control.

    i would stop everyline up being andy c, shy fx, brockie, swift etc etc.

    i would make every event have at least two unknown but quality dj's.

    i would drop mthe price of vinyl down to 3 quid!

    i would make every club have a good system.

    i would get photek to teahc me how to produce

    i would make everyone a little more open minded

    i would bring girls back to clubs!

    i would put hip hop, dnb and breakbeat style music all together stop all the stoopid pigen holing!
     
  19. JimJapBap

    JimJapBap Member

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  20. Bijou

    Bijou Member

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    If I ruled d&b, the world would be in darkness. :cat: