If you had to make Love to Merh-Key

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Radius, Jun 20, 2010.

  1. Radius

    Radius Give me back my passport u slags

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    How would you do it ??
     
  2. DJ NUERA

    DJ NUERA 5HEAD

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    with a hammer
     
  3. djmotiondnb

    djmotiondnb AKA Tactician

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    /thread (y) ;)
     
  4. Merh-Key

    Merh-Key I've been naughty, I'm banned

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    I AM A TOOL NUERA YA PUSSY HOWL EVA SEEN A GROWN MAN SHIT DER SELF CUM WACH NUERA TRY AN USE AN AMMER BUT YA BE USIN IT TA BUILD YA FENCE SO ME CANT GET TA YA FAGGIT FUKKA
     
  5. Osime

    Osime Official Japanese Student

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    So is your Caps Lock stuck or something? If so, you should get a new keyboard, man. Not terribly expensive.
     
  6. dnbkingz

    dnbkingz bollocks

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    Tenderly.
    With an ounce of rape.
     
  7. st420

    st420 Member

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  8. DontLikeCops

    DontLikeCops Certified tramp

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    Im a gentleman, I would take him out for the night first so I could wine and dine him. Maybe after the first few dates I would ask him up for coffee, once up in my place I would put on some Lionel Richie dim the lights and invite him to join me on the rug in front of the fire place. I would then make my move and whisper in his ear that I want his babies as he slowly inserts his throbbing manhood inside me...
     
  9. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Well I'd come home from work early and start making a nice meal. Citrus seared tuna with crispy noodles, herbs and chilli is on the menu with an after helping of me ;)

    I start by squeezing the grapefruit juice and pour into a sandwich bag with the fish sauce. I then add the piece of tuna. I tie up the bag, squeezing out most of the air so the tuna is completely covered in the juice. Then leave for 40 minutes, after which time the outside of the tuna will be pale and ‘cooked’. I now carefully pour the grapefruit juice from the bag into a bowl, dry off the tuna and put to one side.

    For the dressing, I mix the sesame oil, olive oil and chillies into the grapefruit juice. I then add a generous amount of Chili. I hope you like it hot in your mouth. Then I tear off a good handful of coriander and mint from the bunches and put to one side to use for garnish later. I finely chop the remaining herbs and really pat these around the tuna to encrust it and wrap in clingfilm and place in the fridge until needed.

    Now I’d boil the noodles for 1 minute until they are slightly flexible, drain and I’d allow to steam dry and cool. Then add a little olive oil to a hot non-stick pan, add the noodles and leave them until they are nice and crisp on one side. After that I’d flip them over and do the same on the other side. I slice the tuna up about 0.5cm/¼ inch thick – in Japan it's a sign of generosity to have nice thick slices of tuna, but I like them a little thinner as they are more delicate in the mouth. That doesn’t go for everything however…

    While waiting for them to soak up the flavour, I take a bath. I use some Lavender and heather Radox. The one’s with the bits of salt stuff in, because I like it when they tickle my balls. I shave my legs, arsecrack, armpits and pubes. I get out, towel myself dry and slip into my robe.

    I hear you open the front door. I shout downstairs for you to go straight into the living room, where I’ve already poured a large glass of wine to help you with your stressful day. I then make my way back to the kitchen.

    Back to the food, I place the tuna on the noodles, sprinkle over the torn-up herbs that I put to one side earlier, sprinkle with the spring onions and then drizzle a couple of spoonfuls of the dressing over the tuna. Before my eyes, I see the cut sides of the slices of fish begin to change colour and ‘cook’. I light a few candles, put on some Elton John and lay the table. I call you in.

    You look at the table and smile at me. I walk over seductively and give you a teasing kiss on the cheek. I tell you to sit down. I stand behind you and start to massage your shoulders. I can already feel the weight of the world has gone as you let out a quiet moan of relief. I start rubbing your back and move round to your chest. I slowly rub your nipples and I kiss your neck and nibble on your ear lobe.

    I can see you getting hard already. I have a smirk on my face, which you see and then wink at me. I start rubbing your nipples harder and your groan become evermore breathless and frequent. I then grab the plate in front of you, smash you over the head with it so you’re a bleeding, unconscious state on the floor and rape you so hard that my dick pokes out of your left ear.

    After I’m done, I leave a note which reads “Hi babe, thanks for tonight. I’ll never forget it. I’ve put the Tuna in the microwave, so put it on defrost for a minute and a half then full power for a minute. Hope you enjoyed tonight as much as I did, Love you xxx”

    That’s how our evening would go.
     
  10. Dan M

    Dan M hard gay northern bear

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    i cant read this shit at work /\/\/\/\ ffs
     
  11. Osime

    Osime Official Japanese Student

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    I'd take him to the most classy inner city burger joint and get him something fried up real nice. I'd proceed to order him a double malt shake and roofy him. Then after explaining to the burger shack owner that he was just really tired before we came out, I'd drag him to my mother's mini-van and start to feel him up all the way back to his place. I would prepare a sexy bath and a hot cop porno (the film is for me). I would then proceed to wank until I got unbelievably stiff and begin to massage oil on him, his backside and my member. Insertion. It's a wild moment of ecstacy for the both of us and he wakes up a little and cries out. I punch him to put him back in his sexiest state -- silent. I continue to thrust for 30min. and kiss him with the lipstick I picked up the day before (yes I planned this moment) on his chest as I finish.

    Merh-key wakes up the next morning ~ "WOT DEM GWAN MY BATTY HUT BOT WAN DEM BUHD MUST MEK LUV 2 I AN LEEV ONOTIS SWIT OSIME IM OLLWEHZ NO HOW 2 MEK MAH BATTY HUT BOT IM A FAGG FUKKA AN ME NO DOWN WIT BATTY BWOY"
     
  12. Subjekt Music

    Subjekt Music Well-Known Member

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    Did your mum drink bleach while preganant with you?
     
  13. Osime

    Osime Official Japanese Student

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    lol from the looks of it bleach and detergent.
     
  14. DJ NUERA

    DJ NUERA 5HEAD

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    That didnt even make sense. But from what I gather you want me to build a fence then watch you shit cum.

    Going to give that a miss if you dont mind.
     
  15. Subjekt Music

    Subjekt Music Well-Known Member

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    Ahhhhhh. Now i know what it is.....you are an AIDS accident waiting to happen

    That is all
     
  16. richie_stix

    richie_stix gomby plz

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    i'm sure if i could be bothered to read this it would be jokes... but i can;t!
     
  17. herojuana

    herojuana hairy kuala

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    snap!
     
  18. DontLikeCops

    DontLikeCops Certified tramp

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    Basically it sounds like its a regular part of his life, scary is a understatement
     
  19. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    It'll teach you a great tuna dish too!
     
  20. Mr G

    Mr G Old Cunt From 19 Longtime

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    I got a PM from him saying where am i and it aint the same without me replying.....sounding desperate, i don't entertain beggers so i shall pass on the thread title suggestion.