Thanks!
As fun as that sounds, I think I'd rather start with production. I have a basic idea of what I'm going to need, but I'm not sure of what's essential and what can wait. I also have no idea what order to buy the equipment in or how much everything's going to cost me in total, but I don't think it's going to be pretty! I guess it's time to look at some of these noob guides...
Hey man! How're you doing? I'm a headbanger as well!
You're asking what is essential to start producing.
First of all, you need a DAW, which will be your main tool of work. Some of us use FL Studio (myself included), some use Ableton Live, some use Reason, some use Cubase. My advice is: keep distance from the DAW wars. People WILL tell you a DAW is better than the other. It's bullshit. All DAWs can do the same things. So, any paid DAW has a "free to test" version, which normally span through 30 days of use. I advice you to download some of them, and see what gives you the best learning curve. I stick with FL Studio, because my workflow is better. I tried Ableton and Reason, but I couldn't get the hang of them.
Second: you'll need a good computer to handle music production. I use a good gaming laptop for my productions (it's not high end). Most DAWs run well on nowadays standard computers.
Third: you'll need some good headphones or monitors. Those with a flat response (all frequencies are presented without boosting). I use a good Beyerdynamic DT880 Pro, as I live on an apartment building, and I can't afford to pest my neighbors. If you want some good headphones, search beyerdynamic, AKG, Sehnheiser and see what one suit your needs/budget.
Fourth: You'll need to practice to exhaustion! There are plenty of tutorials on youtube, made for most of the DAWs out there. Keep in mind that most of things that are presented on songs we like are not that complicated to replicate. There are things as simple as turning one simple knob, and there are things that are more complicated, as a resampling process of a bass. In time, and with perseverance you'll eventually learn.
Fifth: everyone is going to tell you: "Get Massive!", "Noisia makes their basses on FM8, you should get it!", "Go for Sylenth1!". Those are, indeed, top knotch synths (along with many other), and being so, they are paid. This comes to preference, but IMO you should learn how the stock synths work (every DAW comes bundled with some), and when you learned how they work, you decide if you'll stick with them, or buy those "better" synths.
and finally, Sixth: people tend to tell begginers to buy a midi controller. This, too, is a individual preference. I don't have a proper training on music theory, so I just stick with my Fl Studio piano roll.
I hope I helped.