Fearing for a friend

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Barnzee, Apr 6, 2008.

  1. Barnzee

    Barnzee OmniaInNumerisSitaSunt

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    See, a lot of you guys are older and wiser than me, and therefore im going to ask for advice in a life matter:

    Im pretty worried about my mate, He has always been a bit of a weed smoker, and though i'm not a fan of the drug, it's never been of much concern to me or our group of friends; I generally mind my own business and try to let my friends find Their own way in what they do. However, recently this mate friend has been taking cocaine, going off with other guys who we know but arent that close with, sniffing and generally just cruising around abusing their bodies. It started off as once in awhile, but now my mate sniffs everyday, and he does dumb things like stay out till seven am for no apparent reason taking drugs and cruising. He's drifted further apart from our group, and now it seems as if a few of my other mates may be starting to join him. Thing is, Like i said i try to let my friends be their own people, but When they are blowing their wages quicktime on drugs and getting in debt, and their parents ring up my mum telling her that they are worried (and they arent even aware of the drug use), I kinda get a little fearful for my friends.

    Have you guys got any advice as to how i can help my mate? I dont wanna insult him, or start criticising him, but all the thoughts i have towards his new found venture consist of insults and negatives... Is there any way to approach him, or make him see that he is messing things up. Cheers guys. Nuff respect.
     
  2. BoudiCat

    BoudiCat SERIAY.

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    I've had this problem twice so far & one person was well close to me so I know how you feel.
    Basically what I did was told them that it was getting a bit too much, I mean alot of people dabble in narcotics etc at the weekend & on special occasions but it gets a bit much when you're doing it everday just to get up & out of the house.
    Your mate will probably go on the defensive & say that they aren't doing anything wrong, the usual bullshit.
    But you just need to lay it down that doing drugs all the time just ain't right.
    It's a well hard one though, but if you go at it softly & not "you're a druggy" & shit like that then hopefully they'll listen to you.
    If they don't then they will eventually realise what they're doing isn't right & they need to knock it on the head. It might take a few weeks, might take months. But they honestly need to realise on their own.
     
  3. Barnzee

    Barnzee OmniaInNumerisSitaSunt

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    Thanks boudi, sounds like a plan. Problem is, before i could have said to him like ' You're loosing all your money and your mates dude', But he has sort of become part of another crowd, and he never texts etc or comes out nemore. I hardly see him that much anymore, But he looks skinnier now and unhealthy. Should I mention stuff like this, or should i just say it flat 'dude this shits gotta stop'. Thing is, Is it even my business to be honest? I dunno why i'm bothered so much, if he fucks off with other people, I just dont wanna see him move on to other stuff, or anything like that...
     
  4. BoudiCat

    BoudiCat SERIAY.

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    your face.
    If he's a mate then you should say something. He doesn't have to listen & then you'll feel better about the whole situation.
    Coke ruin's people's livs & turns people into horrible people if they get too far into it.
    My mate that did it lost alot or weight, lied all the time about what they were doing, would actually beg for coke if anyone had it & shit like that. Dirty.
    I reckon it is your business to a certain extent, if you're mates with this guy. Who else's gunna stop him?
    If it's not serious then it doesn't matter but it does sound like it is.
    Don't act like you're preaching to him, just say you're a bit worried & maybe he should cut down. If he doesn't listen then at least it'll be a weight off your mind.
     
  5. Barnzee

    Barnzee OmniaInNumerisSitaSunt

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    Yeh i guess it is my business. Theres like 5 of em, and they all dig it stupidly much. To be fair i've tried it a few times, but consider it wasted money, so i dont wanna sound hyprocritical (?) He sounds similar to your mate, so he must be in it pretty deep. Cheers boudi, You helped loads. Big Up x.
     
  6. Super-Freak

    Super-Freak Raw as a mother...

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    At least by saying something, even if he ignores you, you can think to yourself at least I tried...
     
  7. BoudiCat

    BoudiCat SERIAY.

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    your face.
    Mate, you aren't gunna be hypocritical. We've all probably tried it. But we're not rinsin' all our money on it.
    That's alright :D
     
  8. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    Have a talk with him, be blunt, i.e. you look like shit and your mates are shits but don't expect it to work.

    Druggies have to decide to stop for themselves.

    I've had a few friends who abuse substances, including alco, and have given them a talk but its worked only twice. Only they can stop.

    Most abuse is compensation for something. One guy I know started snorting nonstop to stop drinking while the drinking was caused by massive personal stress. Another guy does coke three times a week because he's not getting any sex, despite being funny, well-off and not too bad looking.
     
  9. souljah

    souljah liquid lover...

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    just give him a ring. say how your friendship has drifted apart and that its up to him and thats fine he can make his own choices but just let him know what u think. hopefully the honesty is enough to help but yeah agreed everyone has to want to stoptaking drugs to be able to stop.
    hopefully sooner rather than later in your case.

    and for you, realise hes not being an utter dick and the drugs are affecting his personality.
    think its important for someone when they stop they still got solid mates around out of "that" circle that actually care about um
    he will thank you in the long run.
    keep it up bro :)
     
  10. Indi

    Indi Tha Original ThreadKilla!

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    :word:

    Hardest thing to do is tell a friend they've got a problem without offending them or causing them to fly off the handle. BoudiCat is right on this, though.
    I was in this situation years ago, except I was the druggy and my friend was telling me to sort it. Just be calm, mature and friendly, but express your concern adamently. Its true it might take a while, but its worth it, trust.
     
  11. sam the dnb man

    sam the dnb man Variation

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    hes gotta get off it..his habit could get worse..were he needs more per day..he may not b able to afford it n drug dealers can b nasty guys... dont critisize him just tell him ur worried n he needs to give it up because we wont b able to cope with the consequences.....he could overdose too also being out till 7 am may not help because there might not b any sober people with him who can help him if he has an overdose
     
  12. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    Calm and friendly doesn't work in my experience. The geezer has a listen, decides he doesn't really have a problem and the whole conversation disappears with the next line.

    Bluntness has a chance of working.

    Then again Indi was on the other side, so perhaps he's right.
     
  13. safety

    safety double safety

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    the main problem with charlie is that it's such an arrogant drug. people won't accpet it's a problem because it's not such a destructive drug as heroin or crack. you're in a no win situation unfortunatley. he'll never thank you for calling him a junkie and he'll never realise on his own until he ends up in hospital or rehab. maybe approach his family if you think it's a massive problem, i know it's a bit of bitch ass thing to do, but he might see just how concerned you were to do that and it's ultimatley his family who stand the most chance of getting thru to him.
     
  14. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Have a fat line and forget about it.

    But seriously, nobody will stop him except him. Talk to him about it, bring up that his family are worried, and it may begin the ball rolling in his head.

    Then just be there for him when it's all over.

    Nothing else you can do really.
     
  15. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    Swap his packet for a packet of Ajax :2thumbs:
    That will teach him
     
  16. Barnzee

    Barnzee OmniaInNumerisSitaSunt

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    Cheers guys. I cant tell his mother; it would devastate her too badly and they been through some other bad shit recently. I'm gonna just make him aware of whats going down, in a blunt but still not insulting way- i.e dude, you're still my boy, but you gotta stop this, Cus you are drifting away, and i can see its messing you up. You gotta stop this, etc. Hopefully I can get through to my buddy. Peace, and big big respect for helping me out all of you :)
     
  17. Evil Empire

    Evil Empire So Cal Selecta

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    Yeah u should have a chat... hes heading down a path oif distruction, if he flips out then thats his bad, at least u tried. Sometimes people don't want to hear how bad their lives have become, they just need a slap in the face to get them back to reality. Having a close friend express concern for u is the first sign that you have problems. Its a tough situation and could passably ruin your friendship but it could save his life. Hope this helps but im not a therapist so its the best input i can give.:respekt:
     
  18. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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  19. boobjunkie

    boobjunkie Active Member

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    I was in your friends position around this time last year and i was acting like a prick. my best mate had a word with me and i didn't really pay much attention, a week later he gave me a fat slap and told me it was for my own good, and he was completely right i sorted myself out after that
     
  20. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Let us know how it goes down