Ever Thought About Becoming A Pirate - Application Inside

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by jmzmaloney, Feb 14, 2010.

  1. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    I've been thinking about this for a long time and I think now is the right time to put plans in place, I have thought up some plans to make us all ver rich people, if we can just follow these simple guidelines:-

    * Every successful applicant must steal a river faring craft e.g. barge, long boat, dinghy, hovercraft

    * All meet at the mouth of the River Thames 1am Sunday 21st March

    * From there we will head to the HMS Belfast and commandeer the vessel

    * Head out to sea destroying any Navy, River Police or Sightseeing Boats on the way

    * Head accross the Atlantic to Richard Bransons Island which we will over run and make our base

    * Set up ties with the Colombians and see that all Cocaine distribution falls under our banner

    * Destroy Mexico

    * Plus a little bit of aid and relief work for Haiti to show we aint completely cruel bastards

    As you can see there isnt any opportunity for this to fail, I have a lot of battle plans drawn up should any problems arrise.

    Now if you could just fill in the questionnaire.

    1. Pirate Name -

    2. Position applying for -

    3. Sexuality -

    4. Are you good with parrots -

    5. Say ARRRGGH as loud as you can, did anyone get scared -

    6. Do you like rum -

    7. How angry does Richard Branson make you -

    8. How would you get food with only a spoon and a dead friends veins -


    Thankyou and good luck

    Filled Positions

    Captain - Staggering Jim Sheef
    Avery and Parrot Section Chief - Long Dong Silver
    Call to Arms and Scarer of Gulls - Thievin Hubert Jones
    Crows Nest and Male Rapist - Trumpet Cunt VIII of Londinium
    Chef and Fisherman - Black Groin Beard
    Tactical Chief for Attack and Bad Parrot Punisher - Horatio Quicksand
    Ships Whore - Barbarossa Tossa
    Chief Executioner - Andy Sea
    Stock Room Assistant - Fritzler II
    Armament Supplier and Weaponry - Swashplundering Explodington Smythe IV
    Cannon Polisher & Weaponry Assistant - The Horrible Buccaneer
    Social Work, Psychiatrist, Vessels Paedo - Barnabus Ruprect Eyesniffer
    Wheelman - Slammerin Hickle
    Navigation and Weatherman - Zeus Shagwind
    Doctor - COLIN 'CRAZY EYES' MCGILLICUTTY
    Safety - Safety*
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2010
  2. Thin and crispy

    Thin and crispy Active Member

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    1. Pirate Name - Thievin Hubert Jones

    2. Position applying for - Thief / Bandit / Smuggler

    3. Sexuality - Straight

    4. Are you good with parrots - if they watch where they shit, they r fine.

    5. Say ARRRGGH as loud as you can, did anyone get scared - my dog literally pissed itself in fear

    6. Do you like rum - yes

    7. How angry does Richard Branson make you - very, but id pretend to like him, thats how i operate

    8. How would you get food with only a spoon and a dead friends veins - I'd make a net with the veins and use the spoon to attract fish which id eat.
     
  3. herojuana

    herojuana hairy kuala

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    1. Pirate Name - Long Dong Silver

    2. Position applying for - gunner/cabin boy

    3. Sexuality - ooohhh argh

    4. Are you good with parrots - very much so.

    5. Say ARRRGGH as loud as you can, did anyone get scared - There is nobody around, presumeably because they have all been scared away

    6. Do you like rum - i was drinking rum with you in fabric...

    7. How angry does Richard Branson make you - as angry as everybody else that has more money than me... particularly those with their own islands

    8. How would you get food with only a spoon and a dead friends veins - i would mash plants down into a paste with the spoon, and use the veins as a straw
     
  4. T:M

    T:M Dusty Techno Workout

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    I'm not really interested in becoming a pirate but I thought I would let you know that I am good with parrots...

    I can cook them three ways: Roasted, Fried, and Grilled.

    They are delicious served with crackers...

    :clown:
     
  5. dnbkingz

    dnbkingz bollocks

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    1. Pirate Name - Trumpet Cunt VIII of Londinium

    2. Position applying for - Admin/Temp post

    3. Sexuality - straight, but can be persuaded to bugger men for money

    4. Are you good with parrots - I eat them

    5. Say ARRRGGH as loud as you can, did anyone get scared - Only myself

    6. Do you like rum - Yes!

    7. How angry does Richard Branson make you - I can't put into words how much i want to smack him in the penis

    8. How would you get food with only a spoon and a dead friends veins - Hook veins round animal. Bludgeon it to death with spoon.
     
  6. Thin and crispy

    Thin and crispy Active Member

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    i demand to know if ive been accepted. AAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
     
  7. rob_del_terror

    rob_del_terror - ̿ ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε

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    1. Pirate Name - Black Groin Beard

    2. Position applying for - Cannon operator

    3. Sexuality - Aye

    4. Are you good with parrots - Yes

    5. Say ARRRGGH as loud as you can, did anyone get scared - no, i puzzled them which could at least create distraction

    6. Do you like rum - love it

    7. How angry does Richard Branson make you - arrrrrrrgh

    8. How would you get food with only a spoon and a dead friends veins - i would tie the spoon to the end of a vein then fish for salad.
     
  8. ali^

    ali^ Bigtingsagwarn

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    rofl
     
  9. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    All applicants so far are succesful robby terror will be Chief Chef. I think dnbkingz should be confined to the crows nest so he can bugger men without bothering anyone, for money of course. Herojuana youll be in charge of the avery, fluffing feathers. Thin and Crispy youll shout AAAARRGGH to scare off the gulls and other predators whilst Rob fishes. T:M will supply the veins.
     
  10. herojuana

    herojuana hairy kuala

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    i no longer respond to this name, since my application has been successful
     
  11. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    OK OK I'll edit all positions into the 1st post
     
  12. CRoOK

    CRoOK Audio Artillery

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    1. Pirate Name - Horatio Quicksand

    2. Position applying for - all around scallywag

    3. Sexuality - straight, but would fuck a parrot for the amusement of the crew

    4. Are you good with parrots - see above

    5. Say ARRRGGH as loud as you can, did anyone get scared - the dog gave me an odd look, but im pretty sure any land lubbers would piss themselves

    6. Do you like rum - i LOVE rum

    7. How angry does Richard Branson make you - so angry i wanna become a pirate and rape, pillage and plunder him and his island.

    8. How would you get food with only a spoon and a dead friends veins - id just straight up eat the veins with the spoon



    ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
    [​IMG]
     
  13. Jwood27

    Jwood27 VICTIM

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    1. Pirate Name - Barbarossatossa

    2. Position applying for - Ships Whore

    3. Sexuality - Straight with a hint of passion

    4. Are you good with parrots - Depends if the Parrots a dick or not

    5. Say ARRRGGH as loud as you can, did anyone get scared -

    6. Do you like rum - yes

    7. How angry does Richard Branson make you - I tend to ignore him, but come think of it he is too smug for his own good

    8. How would you get food with only a spoon and a dead friends veins - chew the vein to keep moisture in my mouth, and then hunt animals with the spoon
     
  14. dnbkingz

    dnbkingz bollocks

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    Fucking get in.

    [​IMG]
     
  15. alz

    alz compress to impress

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    1. Pirate Name - Andy Sea

    2. Position applying for - Chief Plunderer/Chief Executioner

    3. Sexuality - straight

    4. Are you good with parrots - arr

    5. Say ARRRGGH as loud as you can, did anyone get scared - my sister

    6. Do you like rum - hell yeh

    7. How angry does Richard Branson make you - arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRR

    8. How would you get food with only a spoon and a dead friends veins - tie the veins around my arm and use the spoon to heat my rock
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2010
  16. Harry3

    Harry3 Chuki

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    1. Pirate Name - Fritzler II

    2. Position applying for - Stock room dweller

    3. Sexuality - Dont mind

    4. Are you good with parrots - Ask them, they know

    5. Say ARRRGGH as loud as you can, did anyone get scared - the lights flickered

    6. Do you like rum - AYE!

    7. How angry does Richard Branson make you - I'd take over HMS Belfast, kill the Navy, destroy Mexico and help Haiti just to see him dead.

    8. How would you get food with only a spoon and a dead friends veins - flatten the veins out to use as Spaghetti then kill and mince a rabbit with the spoon for the sauce.
     
  17. CRoOK

    CRoOK Audio Artillery

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    quite a motley crew of scurvy dogs we are gathering here
     
  18. herojuana

    herojuana hairy kuala

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    Avery and Parrot Section Chief - Long Dong Silver

    Blistering barnacles, i made it!
     
  19. Thin and crispy

    Thin and crispy Active Member

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    hold on, im quite sure talk of hi jacking a navy vesel is an act of treason/terrorism... i think jmz is tryin to get us sent to davey joneses locker boys!
     
  20. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    Anymore of that talk and youll be going in the Crows Nest with the male rapist. You have to be doing a little bit of treason this is what its all about, but we'll have the bloody HMS Belfast the finest ship in the land, we'll be unstoppable.