don't mug chuck

richie_stix

gomby plz
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#1


If someone were to ask you who the last person anyone should ever dare to mug is, what name would be your answer? This lister is betting on 80% or better of respondents answering, “Chuck Norris.”

Amazingly, astoundingly, two idiots managed to try just that. It happened in 1994. Norris mentions this whole thing in his autobiography, “Against All Odds.” And, by his testimony, this is what happened. Honest to God, it really happened.

In 1994, right at the beginning of his run as Walker, Texas Ranger, Norris was, and still is, living in Dallas, Texas, where the show was filmed. One day he was walking down the street by himself, no entourage, no fans following him, no bodyguards, not even his wife. He turned a commercial block in the downtown skyscraper area and saw two men a little bigger than he coming straight for him from the other end of the block.

They were staring right at him, and he figured they wanted autographs, which he enjoys signing. So he walked up to them and stopped with a smile, whereupon they stood in front of him, whipped out a couple of large pocketknives, and one of them demanded, “Give me your wallet, Chuck! Give it here!”

Norris actually opened his mouth wide and then asked, “Are you insane!?”

“No! We know who you are! And we know you got a lot of money! Now give it up, or you’re dead!”

Now before we go further, let us just go over a few of the particulars. All jokes aside, Chuck Norris truly does have the following black belts: 1st degree in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, 8th Degree Grandmaster in Tae Kwon Do, 9th degree in Jeet Kune Do under Bruce Lee and Lee’s best student, Dan Inosanto, 10th degree in Shito Ryu Karate, 10th degree in Tang Soo Do, 11th degree in Chun Kuk Do.

Granted, the last art is his own concoction, a hybrid of all the best moves he has learned over the years, all blended for both self-defense and competition, and you are only allowed a 10th degree or better in anything when you found your own dojo. But suffice to say, the muggers didn’t even use guns. From a hundred feet away. They used knives within arm’s reach. What happened next was rather anti-climactic.

The police arrived about 4 minutes later, 3 officers in two cars, and were greeted by the scene of two men with SEVERELY broken arms (the bones had gone through the skin) sitting on the curb, two bloody knives in the gutter, and Chuck Norris, the Almighty Himself, leaning against the wall, wearing his beard, jeans, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat….he shrugged at them. The police started laughing so hard that they bent over, holding their sides, unable to put the handcuffs on the muggers. One of them managed to ask, “Did you not know who he was?!”

One of them said, “Yeah, we knew who he was! We figured all that crap on TV was fake!”
excellent!
 

Scatcat

It don't mean shit
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#2
There is no theory of evolution, just a group of animals that chuck norris has allowed to live

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.

Chuck Norris can speak braille

Once, Chuck Norris was having sex in a trailer-truck when part of his semen escaped and got into the engine, this truck is now called Optimus Prime.
 

Hombre-J

Currently Ballsacked
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#3
There is no theory of evolution, just a group of animals that chuck norris has allowed to live

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.

Chuck Norris can speak braille

Once, Chuck Norris was having sex in a trailer-truck when part of his semen escaped and got into the engine, this truck is now called Optimus Prime.
Hi welcome to the internet 4 years ago :teeth:

That story is class
 
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