dirty sex moves (nsfw)

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by _MILLA, May 24, 2012.

  1. _MILLA

    _MILLA Flamboyant muthafucka

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    Put the name and description...

    bragging rights to the funniest

    ------ heres my input

    a rusty trumpet - getting your asshole licked and a reach around handjob

    the spiderman - cuming on your hand then flickin it on your girl spidey style

    pokey bum wank - finger up the ass / hand job

    angry pirate - cum in her eye then kick her in the shin



    blam!! go....
     
  2. Kenneth4Eva

    Kenneth4Eva Let's Breed

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    the majestic albatross - a girl taking it in every hole doggy style while tossing to guys off
     
  3. Hombre-J

    Hombre-J Currently Ballsacked

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    Aardvarking.

    It involves one circumcised penis, one uncircumcised with a baggy foreskin. Both go head to head, and the uncut bloke stretches his over the other one, so they both nestle together in one foreskin.

    Space Docking.

    Defecating into a vagina, then having sex with it.

    Mulching.

    Involves 2 people and a graveyard. Dig up a female corpse, one goes down on it, the other jumps on the stomach so all the rotten insides burst out through the fanny into the first guy's mouth
     
  4. Phat_Sam

    Phat_Sam Well-Known Member

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    I just... what?
     
  5. d-low

    d-low I know you got soul

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    sick dude
    [​IMG]
     
  6. Sicx

    Sicx Well-Known Member

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    Felching:
    'The act of sucking semen from any human orafice, eg. anus, vagina, it can be done with a drinking straw when semen is deep inside the rectum.'

    Blumpkin:
    'To recive a blowjob with defecating (taking a shit)'
     
  7. _MILLA

    _MILLA Flamboyant muthafucka

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    hombre j you sick sick person aahaha

    keep em cumin!!
     
  8. Kenneth4Eva

    Kenneth4Eva Let's Breed

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    Angry Dragon
    Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.

    Arabian Goggles
    A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.

    The Bait N' Tackle
    The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!

    Gobstopper
    With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want.

    Greek
    The act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad

    Ham And Cheese Sandwich
    Eating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone's appetite.


    Hotdog In A Hallway
    When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick.

    Hot Karl
    The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.

    Hot Karl Candy Cane
    A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.

    Hot Lunch
    The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl's mouth.

    Hummer
    The well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm.

    The Hunter Gatherer
    You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.

    The Indian Cock Burn
    While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.

    The Jedi Mind Trick
    When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you".

    The Jelly Donut
    Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut.

    The Juanita Special Bean Dip
    While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.

    Kennebunkport Surprise
    The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.

    Kick-Fucking
    The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.

    The Landshark
    The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.

    New Jersey Meat-Hook
    The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.

    New York Style Taco
    Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails.

    The Nixon
    A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.

    Oyster
    A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.

    Pasadena Mudslide
    This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.)

    Pattycake
    While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.

    Paying The Rent
    A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.

    Rear Admiral
    An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips


    Resuscitation
    When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.

    The Roddy Piper
    When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.

    Shirley Temple
    Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.

    The Shocker
    When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)

    Shop Vac
    When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power

    The Snuff
    Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar.

    Sud N' Fud
    When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.

    Surfing
    This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.

    Swimmer's Ear
    When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.

    Tea Bag
    To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of fucked up yoga exercise.

    3-Eyed Turtle
    Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.

    The Tortoise
    When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.

    Tossing Salad
    A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.)

    Tropical Wind
    When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.

    Tuna Melt
    You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.




    Wake Up Call
    Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?"
     
  9. DeeGun

    DeeGun Church of Krust

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    compared to sislejĀ“s fine art of sneaky erotics, this is like a naked fat guy kicking a door in and yelling for muffins whilst drooling.
     
  10. danwell

    danwell BAAAAAAAAAAAAABE WAIT

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  11. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    the sneaky piss fag - the act of sneaking up on an innocent man in the dark in the park with sexual intent and your an old uggo gay man when hes having a quick piss and look at his wang.

    the thing or whatever - when a girl wants to cash in on all the sweet talk you been feeding her so as to get her in bed. and shes the best friend of your girlfriend so you know this can only end one way. she had a hormonal deficiency that made her constatly menstruate, so when she pulled out the tampon when it was time to fuck a veritable ass load of blood came rushing out of her like a broken fucking water balloon. no gettin that out the mattress. no way.

    axl rose - when you fuck a chick that looks like axl rose. cos youre lonely. and addicted to morphine. and its tuesday.
     
  12. herojuana

    herojuana hairy kuala

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    there is also the arabian deathmask when you give them the goggles and fart in their mouth, and the arabian snorkel when you give them the goggles and put your cock in their mouth.

    also the arabian surprise when you jizz inside them and then whisper in their ear "I've got AIDS"
     
  13. DeeGun

    DeeGun Church of Krust

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    You really got gayed lately right? :teeth:
     
  14. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
    hot karl. yes sir.
     
  15. dirty breaks

    dirty breaks Guest

    the lewinsky - put a cigar up her vagina and then smoke it after

    the faithfull - shove a mars bar up her pussy and eat it

    the Ike and Tina - have sex and then beat her up, write a song or two afterwards

    the GTA - run that hoe over after sex and take all your money back
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 24, 2012
  16. Olllie

    Olllie Bom Bom Cloud

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    The Houdini: While engaged in sexual intercourse of the anal and/or doggie style variety, the penetrator pulls out his penial gland, then proceeds to spits onto his partner's back only to create the illusion that he has released his ejaculatories onto their backside. But oh no, that tricky bastard has saved up his love nectar for the immediate instant his partner turns their face to his urethra which is when he lets go of a full blown money shot, and ejaculates all over his partner's face. Then he goes onto laughs blithely.

    ---------- Post added at 19:11 ---------- Previous post was at 19:08 ----------

    Ghost Rider: When you are having sex with a girl, and your buddy watches through the window. you leave the room for a minute, and switch places with your friend, while the girl does not know that shes having sex with your friend, not you. you then knock on the window and wave at her.
     
  17. Phat_Sam

    Phat_Sam Well-Known Member

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    HAHAHAHAHA!

    Arabian Dishwasher - Spunk your load over a flannel and then proceed to wipe it over her face.
     
  18. danwell

    danwell BAAAAAAAAAAAAABE WAIT

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    Dutch rudder: when nuera tosses you off using your own hand and looks deeply, lovingly into your eyes. Call him Dutch rudder boy
     
  19. Teddy

    Teddy 60% Staff Member

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    Wolfbaggin
    To have anal sex with a person who, prior to the deed, has swallowed a piece of raw bacon with a length of string attatched to it. One end of the string hangs out of the mouth of the anal recipient and as "the moment" approaches for the anal giver, he yanks the piece of string, causing the other person to vomit up the piece of bacon. During vomiting, the muscles in the anus become tightly clenched, causing an amazing sensation for the anal giver.
     
  20. DJ_NoZ

    DJ_NoZ Rum & Ass

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    This thread disgusts me. But here's one that hasn't been mentioned:

    The Werewolf

    Blow your load on your girl's mug then proceed to rip out her pubes and stick them to her face using the afore mentioned spunk as an adhesive. She will resemble a werewolf.

    Still makes me cringe.