The structure of the track is excellent in my opinion. You seem to have songwriting in it'self down. What was lacking though was sound quality. Your sounds seemed way too simple and didn't feel like they filled up enough to space to give the track the desired "thickness" if you will.
Melody ruled, structure ruled, sounds seemed amateur, track was too thin.
A review from me to you. That was like 100 times better then the crap i make anyways.
But I figure a little criticism is healthy from a random listener's perspective.