Really like where you're headed. Not quite sure if you pulled it off fully.
I think it was the drums bugging me. They start very light (which is fine) but for me they could have gotten a bit more weighty at some point. Not over the top or anything.
I do get that it's not supposed to be jump up 101 but that's just my opinion.
But I do like it, I'll listen a few more times for sure.
I have to agree with Subprime on this. I really like tthe way this track is headed. It has a nice mellow intro which I like, some nice pad work in there too. But once the bass drops I think you could fatten the drums a little.
same as what the others have said, i would personally layer a suitable break over the top.... thats just me tho. i think its a pretty good track with a bagfull of potential. what about some backround synth or pad sorta thing maybe?