chuck norris facts lol

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by detonate-dj, May 4, 2009.

  1. detonate-dj

    detonate-dj sexdrugs&rockinthedole

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    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris. 4057 8.362
    Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. 2009 8.360
    Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants. 1947 8.352
    Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. 1541 8.327
    Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds. 1464 8.324
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. 1436 8.316
    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 1946 8.312
    Chuck Norris can speak braille. 1417 8.266
    Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime. 1574 8.248
    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 1053 8.210
    Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. 1180 8.178
    Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves. 146 8.171
    Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". 1201 8.139
    If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance." 555 8.123
    Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. 463 8.080
    On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence. 243 8.062
    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. 881 7.972
    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 890 7.887
    Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. 886 7.880
    Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. 811 7.879
    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 790 7.867
    Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. 903 7.845
    Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse. 768 7.837
    Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin. 437 7.833
    If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister. 558 7.762
    If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef. 821 7.721
    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 676 7.682
    Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris 670 7.648
    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. 584 7.613
    Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result. 816 7.602
    Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body. 781 7.589
    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 836 7.575
    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. 681 7.562
    Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel. 706 7.531
    The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. 476 7.511
    Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. 691 7.507
    Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone. 695 7.505
    Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up. 678 7.463
    Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face. 711 7.440
    Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. 614 7.433
    Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash. 744 7.433
    Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them. 684 7.433
    Chuck Norris never played with rubber ducks in the bathtub. His 3 favorite bath toys consisted of a radio, a toaster, and a middle aged Vietnamese man. 65 7.431
    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 624 7.421
    Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction. 252 7.385
    Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. 648 7.366
    Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies". 824 7.362
    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.
    793 7.356
    Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins. 575 7.346
    Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone. 429 7.310
    Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism. 843 7.299
    Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder. 298 7.289
    It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. 511 7.280
    Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way. 368 7.272
    Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul. 701 7.252
    A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that. 391 7.240
    The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. 581 7.231
    Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost. 568 7.218
    When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off. 559 7.218
    When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. 585 7.203
    Chuck Norris can drown a fish. 503 7.193
    Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience. 557 7.187
    Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." 686 7.175
    The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of pussy Chuck Norris eats. 654 7.156
    M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this. 565 7.156
    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further. 342 7.155
    Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris. 666 7.149
    Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is. 655 7.142
    Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. 602 7.120
    Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. 658 7.096
    Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life. 96 7.083
    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 642 7.072
    A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. 555 7.072
    Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery." 600 7.072
    Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. 479 7.067
    Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil. 593 7.062
    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. 556 7.059
    The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. 580 7.053
    Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die. 617 7.034
    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 605 7.026
    Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims. 585 7.026
    When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please." 702 7.024
    The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things. 589 7.019
    Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley. 66 7.015
    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. 572 6.997
    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. 545 6.982
     
  2. Lunos

    Lunos Active Member

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    wut


    search button is your friend
     
  3. detonate-dj

    detonate-dj sexdrugs&rockinthedole

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    take it this has alredy been up, my bad
     
  4. djalter90

    djalter90 New Member

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    CHUCK NORRIS CAN BELEIVE ITS NOT BUTTER
     
  5. 1995ting

    1995ting Active Member

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    these are like 4 years old
     
  6. Fes Rock

    Fes Rock Nothing..........

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    U WOT M8?
    VIN DEISEL CAN FLIP A PANCAKE WITH HIS KNOB