Chapter 1.

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by SIRUS, Jul 20, 2009.

  1. SIRUS

    SIRUS 変なひと

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    it was a warm and pleasent evening in devon, 1951... so around 10 to 8 on a 12 hour clock. tim was anxiously waiting the best night of his life, that had been promised to him by the sizzling hot daughter of a pig farmer. he waited with bated breath for her immense presence, like a greedy fat kid queuing at macdonalds. he longed for her, eagrely awaiting the exquisite taste of her delightful clunge he so wanted to experience. the moment was gratefully upon him, no less than the knowing peak of a junkies next hit, as she strode in to his rented mobile abode like a gorgeous world champion sumo wrestling goddess. being the gentleman he is, he helped her squeeze out of her wellies, discreetly sniffing the aroma inside them before he placed them next to his tattered dunlops. she raised her arms in a teasing stretch revealing small curly sweat covered hairs that glistened in her armpits like
    a bead of cum on a brothel curtain rail. he was in for a treat, as she was going to school him in the art of tantric drinking, followed by barely concious romance, that would inevitably involve baby oil and whips. his heart skipped a beat in anticipation for her beauty and oversized clitoris, that he would worship in his mouth like a savoured fruit pastille that he dare not chew. he loved fruit pastilles, but he loved her more. he grabbed her big flapping goal keeper hands and lightly directed
    her to his bunk bed, enticing her wonderfully obese legs to thud their way towards his star wars duvet. after many flaggons of homemade hooch the inebriated pig farmers daughter chucked aside the lovers pair of mugs and beckoned him closer with her finger, whilst licking her substantially hairy lip in a saucy manner. his eyes brightened with excitment, and so did the contents of his baggy, pee stained y-fronts. this was his heaven. this is all he had dreamt for many years. with one quick flick, his skidmarked underpants flew off his tiny pin legs and up on to the top bunk, in which his one armed, deaf brother slept unaware of the hooch fueled lusty lovers that were beneath him. squidgily his damp, bushy gusseted queen and her huge inbred, beast like 7 foot frame covered his puny 7 stone body. she reached down to grab his throbbing wang to guide like a missile into her warm velvet tunnel, when suddenly she
    farted...

    ...meanwhile her doting husband was earning his crust in the stable, training whippets to rape horses for the benefit of depraved millionaire japanese businessmen.



    ***tune in next week for chapter 2****
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2009
  2. sam the dnb man

    sam the dnb man Variation

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    Can't wait for chapter 2 on 'The Life of DJ Hektikz'
     
  3. Toejam

    Toejam OOOBEY DOOBEY

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    :bounce: YES YES YES! MOAR MOAR MOAR!

    WOOOOOH


    is this available on hardback?
     
  4. SIRUS

    SIRUS 変なひと

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    there maybe a series of soggy pamphlets but i wouldn't recommend them.
     
  5. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    haha, can't wait for the next part?
     
  6. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    Sirus = wordsmith!!
    Reading this had me in stitches!
     
  7. TongueFlap

    TongueFlap Flappin'

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  8. DJ NUERA

    DJ NUERA 5HEAD

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    This had me gripped on the edge of my seat! il definately be tuning in for next week!
     
  9. EvezDroppin

    EvezDroppin how to change name,......

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    good entertaining writing lol.
    i like the fruit pastille metaphor, had me stitched up!
     
  10. RUSSLA

    RUSSLA DNBF Monarch

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  11. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    I wish I was 5 & you were my Father, the anticipation of storytime would far outweigh the pleasure of me having previously delicately kissed you on the mouth.
     
  12. Fes Rock

    Fes Rock Nothing..........

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    THE MANS A FUCKING LEGEND. NUFF SAID
     
  13. dose.bs1

    dose.bs1 THE DADDY

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  14. Lunos

    Lunos Active Member

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    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    LEGENDARY
     
  15. hyperd4eva

    hyperd4eva H&M SCARVES

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    that bought a tear to my eye. exellent work.
     
  16. Nutek

    Nutek movement junglist

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    the words of a wise man
    :carlton:
     
  17. Lunos

    Lunos Active Member

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    Part 2 anyone?
     
  18. GZero

    GZero No fear no sound!

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    Step aside Byron, there's a new player in town.
     
  19. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    I am moist with anticipation.

    I would love to collaberate with Sirus on future projects.

    But I have won enough awards today, my bonce is feeling a touch swollen & could do with being knocked down a peg or 7.

    :D
     
  20. Catsel

    Catsel Well-Known Dismember

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    wow... what a read (y) bring on the prequel i say!