Caught Wanking at work

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by sirwanksalot, Jun 9, 2010.

  1. sirwanksalot

    sirwanksalot New Member

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    I feel like crying I'm so embarrassed.

    It was about 2:30pm this afternoon and I'd just had my late lunch break and was sitting at my desk mucking about on my computer, I played a wicked Java game which involved flying a triangle through a guantlet of taller triangles... it was the tits. I then decided to check my email found an old email an old work mate had sent me a year ago which contained a quality little vid of Lea from Big Brother sucking some blokes cock in the porno she did (I'm sure you have all seen it).

    Now I'll be the first to admit that the sight of a bleached blonde, desperate hag of a woman in her mid 40's on her knees choking on a hefty penis the size of a small toddlers arm sounds like an excellent piece of hand shuffle material, but unfortunatly I couldn't just whip my own down scaled version of a hefty penis and have a good old time right there in the office so I switched off my monitor and made a b-line for the bogs.

    As luck would have it there was already someone in the tiolet when I entered (A small spotty man called Aftab) so I greeted him with a kindly nod and smile (which he may of thought abit wierd as he was standing at the urinal at the time.. I just wanted to seem casual) and locked myself in one of the three cubicles available, I flipped down the lid and sat there until the intruder exited after NOT WASHING HIS HANDS!!! dirty bastard.

    Anyway it's not the most erotic of settings to get you going but I don't need to much as I havn't seen much clunge plunge action as of late (I can't think why... apart from the occasional manky wank in the works bog, I think I come across as quite a catch) So I unzip and flip, grab a hold, close my eyes and recall the small badly pixled show I had been treated to just moments earlier. The thing is I only had about 5-7 minutes max until someone starts to notice that I havn't come back to my desk, I've actually had someone come looking for me in the bogs before when I had diarrhea and was on the pan for about 20 minutes. On that occasion I just shouted out over the top on the cubicle my problem and I was left in peace for the remainder of my poo.

    Of course as a typical showing of my luck, after about 20 seconds the tiolet door opens and some insensitive bastard bursts into the bogs and locks himself in the tiolet next to me, I was alittle bit gutted to say the least as I had to stop until the sod finished crapping and leave me alone, I tried slowly rubbing just to keep old fella hard but it was making little clicking noises from the moisture excreted from the tip, so I just sat there until the occupier of the bog next to me finally zipped up and flushed (I took the loud noise of the flush as a chance to start giving myself a few vigorous tugs until it died down, little tip for you there) now the thing that happend next has happened to me a few times in the past and I'll explain why in a minute.

    When the intruding bastard exited the the door he also switched off the light to the tiolet covering me and my manhood in a veil of darkness, I instantly knew who it was as this is a joke that my cunt of a mate has pulled on me a few time before. He has done many things like this in the past like turning off the lights and lobbing wet paper towels over the top of the cubicle before running out and leaving me to stumble around in the pitch plack (pooey arse and everything) to turn the lights back on to be greeted by the bastard behind me scaring me half to death (yes he is a cunt) he has even tried quietly putting the bin infront of the cubicle door and turing off the light so that when I exit the bog I end up arse over tit ontop of the bin (he got a written warning for doing that once to my boss when he thought it was me).

    Anyway as I said it's been done countless times before so I thought I'd call his bluff and just wait to see if he would get bored of hiding behind the door and turn the light back on, which he did, the bulb finally springing back to life and after hearing the door open again, assumed he had left so I went back to wanking away like a trooper but stopped dead when I heard someone shout "hello" outside my door, I didn't have a clue who it was but didn't want to shout back as he may have heard me wanking and me calling out would reveal who it was, so I kept absolutly still and hoped he would go away, I heard some shuffling and the cubicle door opening next to me so I assumed who ever it was had given up and carried on doing what he had come in here for in the first place. It was then that I noticed a shadow on the floor cast from above my head, I looked up and was greeted by my boss' face peering over the top of the cubicle looking down at me, trousers camped around my ankles, loo roll on the floor next to me and my half erect penis in my hand. It's making me cringe to think about it.

    He just said sternly "That's not what I pay you to spend your time doing, save it for your own time" he then got down and walked out the tiolets (thankfully without turning off the lights. I sat there for about 2 minutes, I'd completly gone off the thought of a quick wank at this point so I uped trunks and exited the bogs. It turned out that he wasn't that mad at all and had found it hilarious, so funny infact that he has managed to tell everyone who I work with about his little (not that little) discovery. I have never felt like crying more in my life, I tried to laugh it off and act like it was one big joke, but I don't think I can face the ordeal of coming into work tomorrow. I found out the he was the one who had turned the light off in the first place and after realising what he had done had turned back to turn the light back on, but because I'd never answered 1. When the light was turned off in the first place and 2. When he called out, he got worried and thought someone may have collapsed or had a fit in the tiolet and that's the reason he climbed onto the bog next to mine and peered over.

    Now I know what I did was abit fucking daft but I think it was bang out of order for him to tell everyone in the fucking office about it. I will no doubt get over it in time and I can see the funny side... but if I call in sick tomorrow it will no doubt be obvious why, I might still do it anyway or I might just go in and work through it until I'm dead or until everyone in my section leaves for better jobs. : (

    Would I ever stand A chance of a better position in the company considering what I just did, I rather like my job and was hoping to stay here for a while.
     
  2. Joey AdhD

    Joey AdhD sweaty scouser

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    welcome to the forum, epic first post.
     
  3. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Hi Kyle.

    ---------- Post added at 15:32 ---------- Previous post was at 15:31 ----------

    Also, old copypasta is old copypasta.
     
  4. Subjekt Music

    Subjekt Music Well-Known Member

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    Clunge Punge FTW
     
  5. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    Right then Mr Alias, why dont you tell us who you really are
     
  6. TongueFlap

    TongueFlap Flappin'

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    pahahhahhh.. ermmm Welcome to the DnBForum...
     
  7. GZero

    GZero No fear no sound!

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    I have a sneaking suspicion that this may not be their first visit to DNBForum ;)
     
  8. JamesZero

    JamesZero aka Zero Beats

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  9. Mr G

    Mr G Old Cunt From 19 Longtime

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  10. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Anyone else here not a racist, but wishes the Nazis had won?

    Theirs was a truly effective fascist government that took a nation on its knees from a depression and turned it into a military, technological and economic powerhouse within the space of thirty years.

    It was a social experiment in the way that many reformed or new nations are. America was an experiment in democracy and (eventually) egalitarianism. The Soviet Union was an experiment in Communism. Nazi Germany was the grandest experiment of them all: a rejection of the gentle side of man and a wholehearted pursuit of our more teutonic side: The glorification of the strong, the self-sufficient, and the dominant. It was to be the beginning of a bolder and more uncompromising global civilization that would bring discipline where before there was only coddling; that would harden the soft, and that would not be afraid to say that equality means equal opportunities, not that all men regardless of education or skill are inherently equal to one another. It was a call out to all men to transcend their passive, mediocre existances and aspire to become the heroic and unstoppable species that mankind always had the potential to become.

    Nazi Germany was the combined hopes, dreams and ambitions of all who dared to dominate; but in the end, these dreams were quashed by weak, subversive men who would rather hold their superiors back rather than attempt to catch up.
     
  11. TongueFlap

    TongueFlap Flappin'

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    i dont think your the only one thinking this! hahaha. made me laugh tho!
     
  12. Cat Gas

    Cat Gas Aka Basis

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    Reminds me of all the times you would get random boners back in your school days.
     
  13. DJ NUERA

    DJ NUERA 5HEAD

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    Pics or it didnt happen
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010
  14. Moskit

    Moskit :rodigan: Staff Member

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    Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too.

    This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprinkle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!”. By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Ma'am, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.”

    And now there is silence.

    Not a peep in the entire store.

    The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.

    I'm not really HIV Positive, but that little shit must've gotten in a fuckheap of trouble.
     
  15. EWOKS

    EWOKS POTATOES GONNA POTATE

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  16. MAJESTIC

    MAJESTIC BishBashBosh

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  17. sirwanksalot

    sirwanksalot New Member

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  18. Hombre-J

    Hombre-J Currently Ballsacked

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  19. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    So do you just mosey from forum to forum regaling this same story like some kind of decrepit cowboy with dementia and a penchant for wanking at work?
     
  20. luciduk

    luciduk Active Member

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    who is wasting more time the fool who started the thread or the fool who followed him into the thread