broke up with my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by moriaty, May 27, 2008.

  1. moriaty

    moriaty Active Member

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    so yeah, 19 months after meeting a person who could not only tolerate me, but actually thought i was cool, im back to being single.
    the weird thing is that it was me who ended it, but i feel terrible.
    i honestly thought that the first thing id do was to go out and look for other women, but i cant even leave the house.
    granted, this was my first "serious" relationship, and i have zero experience in dealing with this stuff. I mean, i have been given shit by women many times in the past, and i know exactly how this feels, but this time im just confused.
    was i wrong ? was i right ? wtf ?

    i dont even know why im writing this here. its honestly not a cry for attention, im just really confused and need to blabber on for a bit..
    sorry
    ta
     
  2. shadowdemon1990

    shadowdemon1990 Original Nuttah

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    So why did u break up then ??
     
  3. Prospekt

    Prospekt Active Member

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    Sorry to hear that mate, always a hard thing to deal with especially long term. Obviously people on here won't know the ins and outs of it all so they won't be able to tell you if it was wrong or right. If it felt right to you then it must be. Gut instinct and all that, but.....keep you head up innit!!
     
  4. Da'DGee

    Da'DGee Scousebuster

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    Keep listening to heart and instinct.. First serious relationchip is the best, but not if youre not happy.
     
  5. moriaty

    moriaty Active Member

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    ok, so..
    emma is the nicest person ive ever met.
    she used to be a goth, but she's gone full circle and she's always very lively now, but still has that subconscious depressing persona, which is very similar to mine . she loves the music i like, and she's into photography, with a decent assistant job at a good photo company, so no boring chick there.
    Plus, the sex is good. not amazing, but it never really is, so i was happy.
    now
    im still in uni, struggling to cope on a part time job, and still have disillusions that i'll become a professional musician. but because of my age, im starting to look at it more mature, and realise that i need to commit myself to this.
    and it was often that emma would whinge about me staying home to do work and not spending time with her.

    basically, my main two reasons for the break up are: focusing on my career, and also to see if this is as good as it gets relationship wise, since as i said, this was my first serious girlfriend.

    i agree that heart is the best advisor in your body, but now my head just keeps telling me what a bloody idiot i am.
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2008
  6. souljah

    souljah liquid lover...

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    i know everyone says this but whats meant to be. even if this break up is short/long term it must have happened for a reason. times a healer man keep your head up yeh :)
     
  7. BeyondTherapy

    BeyondTherapy Well-Known Member

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    Sounds to uncle panty that the emotion your going through is GUILT over the action of saying to someone that you have been intermet with is its over . Its understandable as hay for a mass period of time there was something there but for any person to step up and say / do something like this with in a relationship theres reasons , she may be amazing person but if things aint right things aint right aslong as you have spoken before hand on issues that have made you question if the person is correct for you and they have had untold amounts of time to change , but over a period of time they havent theres no reason to feel GUILTY ... Time will tell and as the days go on your thought pattern because of everyday life will decrease on the subject ,..

    Let the dust settle , make a packed to yourself that you dont contact your now x for whatever reasons , give you and her space and as i said if its ment to be and it was a hasty reaction you done then praps you 2 may or may not sort it ... again time will tell ...

    If you decide NO then dont rush into another ladies arms , it never workout bouncing one to another ... more people get hurt

    take time for you , find you again and what you want from someone and once your healed start your positive adventure into singlehood ... taken me 18 months to find me again and become alot dam stronger so dont stress about it ...

    chin up sir

    ### panty inspector ###
     
  8. BeyondTherapy

    BeyondTherapy Well-Known Member

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    whoa sorry wrote my reply before seeing this ...

    hmmm

    sounds like u to are a good match if you dont mind me saying ...
    seems that you have helped her confidence 10 fold , weldone you ...

    i can understand the whole musician thing but .. surely having alady you have helped and loves you for you , will support your actions ,

    sex isnt just sex , i disagree here , its partner ship that if to people communicate likes dislike and prepare to try things then the relationship for both parties can be amazing ... communication is the best key here trust me .. i never had shit sex because i wont allow it , if the lady u see doesnt know herself blah blah how in gods name can a guy make her happy ...
    again help her confidence like you have done with here life n personality etc and dam ... release the freek in her ... they all have it , just have to learn how to unlock that ... wow !! when it happens trust me ...

    just because you have done a negitive doesnt mean its over ...

    any man , who understands that hes hurt his lady can repair the damage aslong as shes not dead ... may take work but aslong as your genuwine in time things/actions heal and your kiss n make up and become stronger ...
     
  9. souljah

    souljah liquid lover...

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    not always true...like i dont get relationships that are always splitting up and getting back together. theres gotta be reasons for it to split in the first place and if those reasons are enough for one party to walk away theyve gotta be pretty good reasons ya know what i mean.
    i think lots of people loose themselfs in relationships and almost become the other person or like become one. its important to stay true to yourself and do whatever you have to do to achieve what u want in life and love.
    maybe your paths are just destined (sp!?!) to go seperate ways.

    and agree with panty on the sex thing. communication and trust definatly being the keys.
     
  10. moriaty

    moriaty Active Member

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    agree with souljah, people who break up and get back together is just unstable, in most cases.
    i have been feeling like this for a while, but i didnt wanted to take any action unless i was 100% sure.

    panty, youre right about the sex tho. in good relationships it needs to be good. and in ours it wasnt, for me at least. and because it was good enough for emma, she believed that there was nothing more needed to be done. and whilst we did have long talks about it, and i did gave time, nothing changed.
    i mean, i dont want to be a pig and say i broke up because of the sex, but i guess it did drove towards it as well.

    am i selfish to want a relationship to offer me a certain amount of experiences without having to actually create them myself ?
     
  11. BoudiCat

    BoudiCat SERIAY.

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    I think what you're feeling is guilt & the feeling that someone who's been there for so long has now gone. People leave an empty space in your life whether or not they were good for you or not.
    You have to think about yourself before anyone else, this sounds really harsh but your own happiness is paramount in this.
    Everything does happen for a reason & the fact that your broke up with her does speak volumes, I mean there was a good reaon & the reason still remains.
    Have time to yourself, don't go out & get with anyone else, this will hurt you, your ex & the other parties involved. You really need time on your own after something like this.
    As for the sex thing, sex will always be amazing with someone you truly love, care for & want to be with. It sounds really cliched but it should be the joining of 2 people, not just some fumbly thing. Real love means real sex.
    Chin up mate! Just keep reminiding yourself why you did it & stay positive :)
     
  12. BeyondTherapy

    BeyondTherapy Well-Known Member

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    the reason relationships break up is because of the lack of communication ... just like the sex n trust thing ... people break up for alot of the time stupid things , cheating is a different subject , but if your both dedicated to each other which it seems u2 are , 19 months is a good period of time and it comes across as u say very positive ,... but is it a reason to break up , seriously sitting down with a person and not making the decidion yourself in my eyes may benifit a relationship ,.. it takes 2 to make a relationship work , and ask any old couple in there 70's etc , they've had there far share of up n down etc but they worked at it , people always take the easy route , i believe if you have seriously sat down with someone and gone through a progess of positives and negatives of a situation then things can either resolve themselves or they depart properly , by 1 person may be phoning , txting , emailing or how ever people break up in this day n age is a oneside decidion based apon ,SELFISHNESS and what 1 person seeks ,...
     
  13. BeyondTherapy

    BeyondTherapy Well-Known Member

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    sex is about whats right for you as a person , some people with in a relationship can have low sex drives then why date someone with a high sex drive ... this will cause in the long run not short term differculties latter hence when your young u dont understand this , just grab a hotty and hay your part of the non single club because people always question the single people , is there something wrong with you , are u gay ... no i just havent met someone who values a good balance sex life instead of once in a while special occasions type bollix lol ........

    nice to know you did communicate and give time and i have to say it props for doing so , most guys wouldnt , but as i said before if your getting out because that time has run out you have done the right respectful thing ....

    you can fully chance someone for who they are ,she proberly is a lovely person and i will say that love memory will stay with you for the rest of your life ,.... they all do trust me ... lol but times your healer sir ,look into yourself and learn what u want and soon fingerscrossed that lady when u least know it will show her face and your live happerly ever after ... well fingerscrossed anyway ... and not like me still fupping single at 15 lol .. loser !! lol

    (y)
     
  14. BeyondTherapy

    BeyondTherapy Well-Known Member

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    nicely put younglady ....

    (y)
     
  15. safety

    safety double safety

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    i've been in exactly your postion. i broke with up with somone after four years and for the last eight months it's just got really messy between us. i wish i'd had the balls to just walk away when it happened, but i kept rrying to keep the friendship alive and then feelings started coming back and that just led to all kinds of trouble.

    trust your instincts*
     
  16. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    first time is tough. it doesnt get a whole lot easier neither. less you only involve yourself with women you dont care for, which is also a way if doing it. you scared youll never find a girl what appreciate you as much as this one does? or did maybe? dont be, shes not the only one who can have sex neither, i think youll find most females are capable of this. human relations are not binary, theyre matrixial. you cant just expect to cut contact like that with someone, its not mature and its not realistic. sometimes its best for everyone but i maintain you should not end the relationship, but change it. have another sit down with her, talk about other things, anything except for relationship stuff, and see if you can be comfortable in different roles, less distinguished, but friendly.
     
  17. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    I suggest cutting all contact and having sex with random birds.

    This strategy will stop you from hooking up with her again, avoid awkward situations, avoid the girl+boy friend situation (which is bollocks) and get your sex needs out of the way (so you realise that good sex is better than random sex). Or find a new girl extremely quickly. Won't last but you don't need it to last. Will flush all the crap out of your system.

    I've done a lot of this breakup shit, used to mope around, try and be friends, try to behave maturely, etc etc, load of crap. You can either:
    a) drink too much,
    b) fuck random a lot (sometimes mixes with a) but not necessarily),
    c) get a new girl quick,
    d) or go slightly crazy (poetry, sad songs, long bicycle rides),
    e) find a new hobby and punish it mercilessly (gym?)

    I've got a couple of friends who drink, snort and swallow too much because of breakups because they didn't channel their emotions.
     
  18. Dustek

    Dustek Finished the PhD

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    I had a fucking crazy yo-yo girlfriend that did my head in. I mean really crazy. I mean schizo crazy fucked up bitch. Like an idiot I let our situations revive (bitch would phone out of the blue regularly and bam, I'd be fucked up again). Time and time again. Really messed with my head and my liver. Eventually got rid of her by finding another short-term girlfriend (which led to declarations of undying love from the bitch, ha, of course, to which I replied, "a bit fucking late") and then I found a proper girlfriend, my darling baby momma - the girls once met without knowing who they were regarding me and instantly hated each other. Inevitably bitch phoned up during the 8 month of pregnancy - midnight on a Saturday night. :cat:

    Bit of a tangent there Gordo, but like I said, been there, done that (and I've got loads of these stories).

    Ah - that's got that out of my system.
     
  19. B1aDe

    B1aDe Hear me now!

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    I agree with some of the above. I've been in a few nasty brake up situations. The last big one was getting out of a 2 and a half year relationship wwith a girl i thought i was set on spending the rest of my days with. We had a total lack of communication about sex... i had the high drive and she had the low drive. Basicly we broke up and i moved through to my mates house about 12 miles away in carlisle where we went on a huge drink and drugs rampage for a good few months which did take my mind off things but i doubt it helped in the long run because when i actually went back home i still had to deal with her and the whole situation. On going back home we both did try the whole mature friends thing which just ended up with us both in bed together :dutty:

    Basicly what i learned from this was that you should deal with the situation and not hide behind drink and drugs because it's still gotta be delt with at the end of the day but deffo go out and have some fun... just dont go ott and time will heal... trust me! She may seem like the best match in the world but there is always someone better :gpeace:
     
  20. RocksteadyUK

    RocksteadyUK SkimoBeats

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    wise words!!

    Things happen for a reason bro. You never know this might have happened because the girl of your dreams is just around the corner??