Bad times at christmas parties.

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by Borf™, Dec 16, 2008.

  1. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Last night could end up to be mega shit.

    Double Southern Comforts and coke from 3 o clock in the afternoon, 3 at a time usually. Playing pool, on the quiz machines and such forth, having a laugh.

    Then everyone went outside for a fag or to the bar or something, me and this fit 18 year old from my office. She started hanging on to me and stuff. Then she just stared at me, and I thought "Do I kiss her. She's mega fit, what if she says no and you look like a twat" People came back over so she moved, then like 5 minutes later whispered to me "so you didn't want to kiss me?"

    So then I got up and suggested she came outside. So we went outside the pub, and she asked the same thing. so I replied, "Of course I do Kate". Thing is, her name is Lisa, and Kate is the other girl in my office. Managed to blag her that I said "Of course I do, OK" and started getting off with her. She suggests we go back to hers in a bit, so I obviously agree, she's mint like. Then like 5 minutes later, I called her Kate again. She just stormed off.

    She's blatantly gonna tell Kate that I said her name when I was with Lisa. So Kate'll be like wtf, Lisa will be like wtf, I feel ill from too much Southern Comfort, and I have a killer deadline this week.

    Anyone else had bad times at xmas parties?
     
  2. jmzmaloney

    jmzmaloney ENTHUSED WITH ETHNOGRAPHIC PLUNDERPHONICS Staff Member

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    Getting my dick out a few times, at one of em I was hammered was told it was a karaoke and went up and banged out Queens Don't Stop Me Now with a Bob Marley No Woman No Cry Accapella with some African only it werent a karaoke and people just looked stunned, broke some old dears ankle doing rolley polleys across the dancefloor. Also at one some guy and his misses slept at my house and when they left they went into my bedroom to say goodbye and I was passed out with a tooter in my mouth and black marks all over my face. There was a note in the kitchen saying "Hope you solve all your problems" he moved to Stevenage after that.
     
  3. Joey AdhD

    Joey AdhD sweaty scouser

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    hahahahha
     
  4. Sammy_Dodger

    Sammy_Dodger Mr Ed

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    lesson to learn here mate...just dont bother with names...or substitute with something nice like...treacle...or bitch!!

    haha
     
  5. Dan M

    Dan M hard gay northern bear

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    thats a classic i've called hollie (my pregnant partner) Hannah (my ex girlfriend) before then lied sayin i said "i know" like ye ano sort of thing.

    i made her feel dead shit in the end cos i kept going on about it sayin i cunt believe she'd think i wud say that.

    never underestimate the power of denial.

    also i got barred from my old works christmas party for startin on my own grandad. this is true he owns a golf course called the bridlington links(google it) an at the xmas party we played this hide n seek game so i ran off to hide in the downstairs bar an it was pitch black n i ran into some sort of shelf.

    Anyway now am bleeding quite bad so i go back upstairs for a bandage and the fat chef starts going " oh yeah the big hard man wants a plaster so eventually i dive across the bar and crack him one. (its bout 11 o clock n theres been a free bar since 6)

    My grandad tries to stop it sayin am hes gonna sack me but, and i cant remember this but av been told, he jus makes me angrier so i get him in a headlock and did a sort of backwards ddt on him.

    it was the last xmas party i went to there, but that is all true it sounds terrible but its true. about ma grandad hes not your typical grandad it has to be said. Hes a 59yr old stocky as fuck alcy nicknaned the general not some 90 yr old cripple. the ddt had little effect.

    if no-one belives this story pm ethix an get him to clarify it wiv ma girlfriend but jus make sure you miss out the whole hannah-hollie bit.
     
  6. Joey AdhD

    Joey AdhD sweaty scouser

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    OH MY GOOD GOD THAT IS FUCKIN CLASS> LMFAS
     
  7. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    i just came back from mine friday. fast times at buddy clancy high, to say the least
     
  8. duffer

    duffer Under Mi SensI...........

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    :lol: funny shit. couldnt ever do that to my gramps he's 94 mayn!
     
  9. Joey AdhD

    Joey AdhD sweaty scouser

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    mine is on friday and Old Trafford (Man U's Ground) i am a liverpool fan so shits gonna go off.
     
  10. Dan M

    Dan M hard gay northern bear

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    all true.

    i also crashed an ezgo workhorse (its like a quad google it) into his jag xk8 at full speed. i flew over his windscreen n he said it was the weirdest thing hes ever seen.
     
  11. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    haha great story dan!!
     
  12. Wellsy

    Wellsy Member

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    DDT on yer grandand haha class! lol
     
  13. ScottyEightSix

    ScottyEightSix HUGE EARS > COMEDY CHIN

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    Dans story must make you feel slightly better Brofski, lol.
     
  14. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    Haha, yeh it does.

    I can see them both just looking at me though.

    There's only 5 of us in the office, I'm the only bloke. They all probably know :(
     
  15. Dan M

    Dan M hard gay northern bear

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    Am bout to go for my christmas dinner with all the peole in my new job at 1. if anything goes down al let you know.

    Dont get ya hopes up tho cos am tryin to make a better impression here
     
  16. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    I got my 4th and final one on Friday.

    Rinsing my money lol.
     
  17. muzzadj

    muzzadj POW!

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    Lol im surprised thats all he said.. was expecting something on the lines of..

    WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE FUCK THATS MY JAG!!! lol..
     
  18. Dj Dirty Pimp

    Dj Dirty Pimp Active Member

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    haha unlucky man, i feel for you, im the worst for that when im drunk though

    my girlfirned of 6 months is used to it lol she is called keelie, when i was smashed in bed once i called her becky.

    n then in the pub ive called her kelly, kayliegh, ashly, katie...

    shes used to it, its just the drink ahha havent done it in a few months though which is good!
     
  19. Borf™

    Borf™ Borf

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    I'm more annoyed that I didn't get my willy wet though.
     
  20. ScottyEightSix

    ScottyEightSix HUGE EARS > COMEDY CHIN

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    You are a big time fool!

    But it always seems to happen at the wrong moment.